Reaching the Heart of My Girl.

Well.  I would love to tell you all that I have not complained.  And, perhaps, I could tell you exactly that if it weren’t for a six year old who makes Carrie Bradshaw’s wardrobe choices look ordinary.  It’s really not the fact that she wanted to wear her green and blue striped shirt with the hood under her blue and black shirt with a peace sign under her gray and pink shirt she wore the day before.  Really, it’s not.  Okay, well, the repeat of the day before shirt did get to me a little.  But, it was the time it took her to put this envious fashion statement together. 

Coupled with the fact that she completely ignored my instruction to brush her hair, her teeth, and put on socks and shoes. 

Because, no momma wants her children to be late for school.  Otherwise, she will have to park her car, and walk into the school.  With her disheveled hair.  And, scary, pasty face.  And, faded yoga pants that have never seen a day of yoga.   

So, can I be really transparent here without judgment?  K.  Thanks.

I always feel like parenting my boys is easy.  While, Anna seems to push every single button on my 5 foot 3 body.  I overuse phrases like “she wears me out.”  I find it easy to acknowledge how incredibly bright she is, but I find it difficult to appreciate the things that make her different.

And, for this?  I’m disappointed in myself as a mother.  I’m reminded of that mirror again.  So, I ask myself, “What is it in me makes me respond to my daughter the way I do?” 

Do I feel that I lose some sort of control when she chooses differently from me?

Do I feel that I will look like a bad mother if she says something that I would never say to another person? 

What is it in me?  What is keeping me from embracing her whole self? 

So, it’s back to the mirror I go.

I only have one daughter.  And, I love her with everything inside of me.  Does she feel that love?  I was wondering this very thing Monday night, so I took advantage of the Five Love Languages assessment for children. 

Anna’s primary love language?  Quality time with physical touch coming in at a close second.  I’m sure Anna loves to hear me tell her how brilliant I think she is.  But, it seems, she needs my time and my touch more than anything else.  This is how she receives love best. 

Dusty Takle needs to simmer down.  Look into the mirror.  And, then give her daughter what she needs from her. 

I need to give her what she needs now, so she will come to me later. 

And, look at the sheer fun this girl brings to the table.

Besides, I’ve heard stories of a little girl who also challenged her mother about, well, about everything.  She grew up and married a pilot and had three children of her own. 

Y’all do me a favor and remind me of this post tomorrow morning when we are getting ready for school.  And, my apologies to the neighbors for what they may or may not have heard yesterday morning. 

Selah.

13 Comments

Filed under Kid Stuff, Motherhood, parenting

13 responses to “Reaching the Heart of My Girl.

  1. kate

    Mornings before school is when I’m at my worst as a mom. Can’t stand to be late, but have a daughter that challenges the clock EVERYTIME! Im starting to see it’s my fault for not having stricter boundaries and sticking to them. Ugh!

  2. Oh Dusty! How well I remember when Gayla and Alan were growing up and did something that I did not aprove of or wore something that I didn’t like. I selfishly thought it was a reflection on me and “I” would be embarrassed.
    Instead I should have encouraged them to be all that God wanted them to be and not what “Mother” wanted them to reflect.

    You are an awsome mother and way ahead of the game in your approach.
    Love you!!

  3. Brenda

    One thing I learned was to get mine to pick out their clothes the night before so there was no wardrobe malfunctions the next am…..Saves a lot of time, and wailing and gnashing of teeth). I think you are butting heads with Anna because she is SO much like you . The things in her that you see that are also the things in you as a child that you might not have liked are what may be causing some of the conflict. Kinda speaking from experience here since my son is SO much like me! Just a guess, since I’m not a doctor…just play one on tv!

  4. Tammy

    Beautiful! Thanks for reminding me to look in the mirror.

  5. I’m not a mom, but any daughter can appreciate a mother who loves her child so much that she’s willing to change herself in order to be a better parent. You sound like a great momma, Miss Tackle. Even if you don’t feel like it! :)

  6. Gayla

    WOW!!!! God spoke to me about this same thing…just last night…not just regarding Sarah, but Sam, too!

  7. Susan

    Wow! And again, wow! I struggle with this too! Thank you for being honest enough to just approach it head on…in typical Dusty style. And my yoga pants haven’t seen a day of yoga either :) Great, and encouraging blog…thanks!

  8. Dianne

    Dusty,
    I so know how you feel my son was the hard one for us. But my granddaughter can push buttons and everything in my daughter. I don’t know how we got through it, oh yes on my knees praying lots of it. Thank God that this too shall pass. I look back and see that God was in all the hard parenting day and gave me what I need for that day some times for the moment. Today my children are all ok.
    You are a wonderful mother and God will show you what you need for Anna each day and even every moment and she will be a might women of God just like her mommy. Don’t be so hard on your self don’t worry about what others think just keep your eyes on Him and keep it simple it will all work out for Gods good. I know that may not help when you have to do it every day but know that someone is praying for you. Love you and this too shall pass. As in all things keep what you like and leave the rest.

  9. Dusty, you are a normal Mama, for sure! How your children are dressed, does reflect you as a Mama in the worlds eyes. The part where you are “aware” of your part in Mother hood is soo amAzing! Keep it up girl!! You have won “Mother of the Year” in my book! <3

  10. Sharon

    I had the same scenarios with Jenna when she was Anna’s age. And now looking back, I wish that I had given in to her more about her clothing choices and just let it go when she didnt brush her hair that day. Because really, who cares besides us mothers? Jenna is still quite her own individual self. She wears sweats and t-shirts most everyday to school. She really doesnt feel like she has to be “like everyone else”. There are still days that she walks out the door and I wonder if she actually brushed her hair. But ya know what? That is something I have grown to appreciate about her. She is herself and she doesnt care what other people think. She is secure in WHO she is. And Anna is secure in who she is! Gotta love em!

  11. Give it over to Ms. Anna…. Let her wear whatever she wants. One of 2 things will happen – 1 – Kids will comment and she will change to wear what is more acceptable. or 2 – Kids will comment and it will steel her and she will be even more determined to wear what she wants. We always told V that being different makes her life easier. If kids view her as different, she has an automatic out if there is something she doesnt want to go along with – its easy to “escape”. And it has been some of the best advice. V is a popular, fun, beautiful and bright girl – loved by just about everyone. But she does what she wants and has an ingrained sense of right and wrong and she does not violate it….

    She will buck authority when it doesnt feel right to her or if the rules are arbitrary….. Teachers have found that out and so have her parents. This drives me nuts now, but someday, I will have a grownup kid who isnt afraid of taking punishment or consequences for doing right.

    Now – that does not mean that there arent times I want to shake her everloving self…. I do – and its because she chose different than me and I take it as a judgment call that what I would have done or what I did wasnt good enough for V or somehow wrong. Thats on me. And there are times I want to shake her everloving self because she didnt listen to me and I WAS RIGHT – and that is on her and her sweet self usually texts or emails a precious apology because she isnt wrong often and facing me hurts her to no end – she chooses the right 9 times out of 10 – and for that I am grateful – grateful I raised a girl who walks to her own drum. Even if that drum sometimes pounds inside my head!!!

    And you most def want a girl to think for herself when she starts dating – Heaven help us! Dont give a boy a chance to talk them into anything!

    I love you – keep on track – this little girl will rock your world first as practice and then she will most definitely go big-time with her world-rocking!

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