Can I just pause right now and insert how much I LOVE being a mother right now?  Today.  In this world.  In this culture.  In this chaos.  In this uncertainty.  In these times labeled as scary.  Uncertain.  With echoes of “this world is going to hell in a handbasket.”  Because, I know that it’s in these times that God does His thing.  HIS thing.  He always prevails.  It IS His world, by the way.   And, I’m so pumped to be raising my children in a time where seeing the glory of God is just inevitable. 

Okay.  Close insert.

Back to chasing lions and kicking, well, kicking tail.

See this awesome kid?

He is my very cautious seven-year old.  He looks before he leaps.  He analyzes his moves long before he makes them.  So, I found it very uncanny that he would be the first kid out of six to leap off of a 25 foot drop into what’s called the “Blue Hole” on a recent vacation to Bahamas.  That right in the middle of our many talks about being a lion chaser, my very reserved son became a fearless….warrior.

So, now?  I’ll tell him the story of Benaiah. 

And, I’ll remind of him of this obscure story for the remainder of his days as long as he lives down the hall from me.  Because, I know…..

I just know. 

God has called him to be a lion chaser.  To conquer his fears.  To conquer the chaos.  And to make known once again that we do not live in uncertain times.  We live in certain times. 

Paid for over two-thousand years ago.

Benaiah chased a lion down into a pit. Then, despite the snow and slippery ground, he caught the lion and killed it. II Samuel 23:20

Anyway, we were watching recently and I heard Tom Hanks’ character say:

“I have to keep breathing.  Because, tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring.”

Many have inquired about my little surgery and biopsies and whathaveyou.  It was all good, friends.  All good.  I was never really fearful, but there is always an awareness of the fragility of life when our lives are stopped head on with major interruptions and more doctor’s appointments that we care to attend to. 

But, I am a wife.  I am a mother.  And, most importantly, I am a follower of Christ.  I have continue to walk in truth.  I have to keep pressing toward the mark no matter what is staring me in the face. 

While our current situation may look grim or seem hopeless, we have to keep breathing.  We have to keep praying.  We have to keep trusting in our Father who loves us more than we can fathom.  Because, tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what God will do.

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.  Psalm 30:5

I worry about my oldest.  I carefully watch over his heart.  I try to guard him from anything that may bring him discomfort on any level. 

He’s my sensitive one.  He’s the one who will forgo something he wants so someone else can have the something he or she wants.    

So, I can worry.  And, I guard him intensely. 

Which pretty much means I don’t trust my Heavenly Father with him. 

My sweet friend, Kim Heinecke, reminded me that if I could protect my children from everything, they wouldn’t need a Savior.

Whoa. 

I recognize my need for a Savior.  So, I seek Him with everything that is within me.  I want John Henry to seek Him that way, too.  I know He loves Jesus.  But, it is also my job to make sure he sees his need for Him.

So, our latest conversation went something like this:

“John Henry, you are going to have to trust God with this.  Let’s pray about it.”

This might be his first lesson in really seeing the faithfulness of God.  And, I pray it’s the beginning of John Henry recognizing how much he needs the Savior.

And, I’m beginning to think that Aunt Kate’s sassiness was inherited by my five year old.  I’m not sure, but I think had Anna been a teenager post the crash of ’29, she would have cut her hair short, smoked a cigarette, and looked down a well in the month of May in hopes of seeing her true love’s reflection.  Just like Aunt Kate did.  Hence, my great task of parenting her intentionally.

Of course, I did dip snuff with Aunt Kate when I was a young one.  Well, I’d put a tissue down my blouse like she did and she’d give me a red Dixie cup to spit in.  Okay, to spit my cocoa in.  Nonetheless, her personality was contagious enough to want to mimic.

And while I’ll miss her always telling me, “Love ya, babe,” no one will miss her like Big Mama.  Orphaned at very young ages and raised by their eldest siblings, they endured a Depression together, times of war together, good times, and trying times.  Big Mama married one Edward Goss.  Aunt Kate married his brother, Van.  They never closed their eyes to sleep without one calling the other to say, “Goodnight, sweet dreams, I love you.”  Ever.

On the day Aunt Kate died, she called, “Callie Mae!”  Big Mama made her way to her side.  Aunt Kate didn’t say a word, but Big Mama just knew what she wanted to say.

“Goodnight, sweet dreams, I love you.”

A sisterhood that lasted 91 years.  I really can’t imagine.

You’ll be missed, Aunt Kate.  I love ya, babe.

They sang these lyrics:

Who am I that you are mindful of me
That you hear me, when I call
Is it true that you are thinking of me
How you love me, it’s amazing

I turned to my father, and I said, “Isn’t it truly amazing that He really is mindful of us?  Isn’t that the most beautiful scripture?”

That the Creator of the universe thinks about me. 

He thinks about you.

How can we not fall in love with Him even more every time the sun rises?

 3 When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—
the moon and the stars you set in place—
4 what are mere mortals that you should think about them,
human beings that you should care for them?
5 Yet you made them only a little lower than God
and crowned them with glory and honor.  Psalm 8:3-5

I hardly know how to compile all of these thoughts in my head in an orderly, coherent fashion.  I’ll start with this.  It’s been a roller coaster couple of weeks.  After birthin’ that sweet boy of mine, I was due for my yearly pap smear.  Ahem, pardon me, men friends and readers.  It wasn’t my best performance.  Okay, it wasn’t the news I was looking for.  So, I went in for a little more haven’t I had enough goin’ on up there these past few weeks extensive, hmmm, exploration?  I hoped and prayed that this would put an end to the exploration of the wild, blue yonder.  Alas, it did not.  Again, not the results I was looking for. 

So, here I sit awaiting a little outpatient surgery to investigate the matter further.  I’ve heard the “C” word.  I’ve heard hysterectomy.  I’ve heard it could be absolutely nothing to worry my pretty, little salon-maintained, blonde head over. 

But you know what?  I am okay.  As a matter of fact, I’m even thankful.  Thankful that had I faced this one year ago today, Kris and I would probably not have had the opportunity to pursue, if you will, having the beautiful, little boy who has my heart on a string. 

But, God knew one year ago what I would be facing today.  And, He knew Jett Takle before he was formed in my womb. 

He knew.

He knows the number of hairs on my head.  He knows what my tomorrow looks like. 

He knows.

And, that is the amazement of it all. 

So, no matter what tomorrow looks like for me. 

No matter what the future holds. 

He holds it in His hand. 

And, I am okay.

Besides, He gave me this March 22, 2010.

And, if that’s not a testament to the sovereignty of God….well, it just is.

Because, He knew.

….But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.  Matthew 10:29

Okay.  I’m back, and now it’s 9:46pm.  We are doing the whole “lay him down awake” technique in hopes that this little man will learn to fall asleep on his own.  In the meantime, I sit up in my soft, living room chair and pass the time reading, writing, and wondering how in the world I can give my older two children the attention they need from me while caring for this little person who can do practically nothing for himself.

So, I feel guilt.  I feel guilty that I have to tell my son, “Buddy, I can’t right now.”  I feel guilty that by the time I made it to my daughter’s room to pray for her tonight, she was already asleep.  I know this only a season.  And, I wouldn’t skip this season if I could.  But I wish I could press a pause button sometimes, so I didn’t miss any moments with any of my children. 

And, John Henry and Anna are both so gracious to me.  They are gracious to their new little brother.  I hear John Henry singing Jeremy Camp’s “Beautiful One” to his little brother.  I see Anna brushing his cheeks with her hand and trying to make him smile.  Of course this afternoon, Kris and I overheard her telling him about Jesus and God.  How they live in heaven.  How we’ll all die one day and live in heaven, too.  Poor kid just got here, and already Anna is preparing him for the sweet by and by. 

Nonetheless, they have been gracious.  And, I can’t help but think that God has given them grace for this season, too. 

Do you ever feel guilt as a parent?

My young athlete scored 8 of her team’s 11 goals at Saturday’s soccer game.  She told her Nan,

“I just turned on my speed and asked God to help me.  But, don’t tell the green team.”

When I later asked Anna if she prayed to ask God to help her, she responded, “No, I didn’t pray, I just asked Him.” 

This is where her knowledge of God becomes relational.  Where talking to Him becomes second nature.  And, that makes a momma’s heart happy.

Except for when she shouted, “We win!  They lose!” 

Today’s Parenting Lesson:  Humility.

(Lynn with her sweet grandchildren)

She’s one of the greatest women of God I’ve ever known.

She loves her family the way I imagine God called all mothers and daughters to love their families.

She loves the local the church and never misses a day in His courts unless necessary.

She loves her friends, and her thoughtfulness is always evident.

I honestly don’t know many more selfless human beings than Lynn Chambers.

I really don’t know how I would have pressed through my difficult times without her encouragement.

And, I don’t know a greater prayer warrior than she.

But, I do know that she loves with a love that must melt the heart of God.

She is my prayer warrior.

And, she’s probably yours.

Happy Birthday Lynn Chambers.  I love you more than I could ever express.  Thank you for believing in the power of prayer.  It’s an honor to call you friend.

Dear Oklahoma,

I didn’t know you on April 19, 1995.  But, I know you today.  When I think of how you hurt 15 years ago, it hurts my heart.  I admire how you honor and remember those affected by the Alfred P. Murrah federal building bombing. 

And, I love how you continue to hold onto hope.

So, today, I honor you.  I pray for those who are still affected by that day.

And, I remember with you.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18