Today, I’ll share one thing that’s been buggin’ me about me as Mom.
I didn’t really think of it as a nag.
But, it is. Really, it is.
Here of late, I’ve realized that tend to expect too much out of my children. I fail to choose my battles wisely. I’m teetering on the edge….maybe, I’ve fallen over the edge of being a bit legalistic as a parent. I so want them to make the right decisions, that I nag them when they make poor choices.
Do you really think they will want to come to me with their insecurities, their mistakes, and their problems if they are afraid I will nag them? Or, even worse, make them feel less than the beautiful, child of God they are?
So, I’ve made a commitment to change this.
It doesn’t mean that Anna will get away with cutting up my bedding or John Henry will get away with telling a lie.
But, it does mean that every once in a while, I’ll overlook those shoes left in the living room. I’ll lighten up when they don’t handle a situation the way I think they should have.
I will be more careful – more deliberate – in how I respond to them.
I want them to know I’m a safe place. And, that they can come to me with anything. Without fear. Because, I love them so, so, so very much.
Anything buggin’ you moms or dads?
13 responses to “A Little Mommy Check-Up”
Wish I had learned that when my children were the ages of JH and Anna. Bless you Dusty. You really do have a heart for God and His principles.
Love ya bunches!!!
From my experience….you’ll like yourself better because of it. Love you…mean it 🙂
pretty much those exact things daily. I have a fear I will wake up and be 50, and my kids will think of me in the context of “Oh we better go see dad, it’s been a while”, because the safe place I was suppose to create, I spent nagging and being “legalistic” with my parenting. I pray God will help me with this, so I can be the dad, God created me to be:)
My wonderful Bible teacher (Pam) shared a story with us last night about when her oldest daughter learned how to write her first “S” when she was four. She was so proud of that fact that she could now write an “S”, that she displayed it on her bedroom walls. Big s’s…….little s’s. So when Pam found the evidence on the walls, she asked her daughter about it and as any sibling does……she blamed it on her 2 year old sister (who could not write yet). But Pam shared with us that instead of losing her cool & making her child feel like she had done a horrible thing by learning how to write her first “s”, she said, “oh, look you made a beautiful big “s” and over here you made a wonderful small “s”. I’m so proud of you for learning this and you’ve done a great job, but let mommy tell you something. Let’s write all of our letters on paper and not the walls from now on.” She handled it in a way that made the child feel wonderful for learning something new and she also let the child know (whom had never been told not to write on walls by the way) to not do that again in such a loving way, but yet got the point across. She said that she never wrote on the walls again, but that she’s 24 now & has a beautiful hand writing! That’s how our Heavenly Father loves us. Amaaaaazing!
Oh, Dusty……you will forever pick your battles and overlook the small stuff because you have realized what a great gift parenting really is…my dad always said, “I didn’t bring you into the world please you..I brought you into the world to please me!” When I was a teen, I thought those words were selfish..I have since retracted!
Love this post!! I’m right there with you. I have been much more conscious about having and praying for patience. A lot of it with a 3-year-old. It is amazing how she responds so much better to a calm and gently request versus a demand. I, too, want my children to see me as a safe place.
Dusty, thank you!!! I can so related to this today. I am learning that Josie (21 months) will react based on my voice tone being good or bad and your blog today has confirmed that I really need to pick and choose those battles.
Wonderful blog Dusty! You are always on the road to learn something, or impart, or stir up something for someone to ponder…which is a great thing to always know we need to keep in check with anything in life, our attitude toward stress even. I have failed many times in my parenthood, but we adjust to what we “know” to adjust to. But with love, we always win!
This was really good!! A + sweet pea!
Mmmm…I struggle with this all the time. I think there is such a fine line between nagging and training. What do I let go and what do I continue to point out? I know that I fall on the wrong side of the line a lot. Thanks for the reminder.
If your kids don’t hate you, you’re not raising them right. (please note heavy sarcasm!). Good post.
Dusty – you are so right. I am constantly reminding myself of this. Anytime I correct my child, I try to go back and tell her why I had to get on to her and that I love her and want her to understand. She even tells me sometimes that she loves me for trying to explain to her and she knows I love her because of it. My child has a huge heart and I am so thankful that I am helping to create that heart. Sometimes, it is too big but it is so full of love and God and it shows. You are such a wise woman. It took me longer to figure this out as I have already raised one daughter. While she is a beautiful woman now, I made many more mistakes with her and I constantly wish I could go back and do it over. I thank God for being there with me while I raised her as a single parent from the time she was 4 until she was 16 and then I remarried. God is good and is always there when you need him, and trust me, we always need him.
This is the reason we had 5. We knew we had messed up the first ones by being uptight, so now we have really well adjusted young uns. Shoes on the floor? No problem. Shoot, most of the time we let them sleep on the floor!
I agree with Des – those tiny shoes….they can lay on the floor all they want….
Now cutting up my comforter….
I remember when my first little boy went to the “principal’s” office in Mother’s Day out. He was horrified, but mostly he knew he was going to get in trouble. I let him kind of sit in it all the way home and didnt say anything and then when we got home, we had a wonderful talk about grace…..and we let what he did go – in fact, I dont even remember….. He also never went back to the office 😉