He Said, She Said (Part Two)

I asked Kris if he would like to contribute any material to today’s post, and he informed me that one a week was his limit.  A man’s gotta have his limits. 

We’re talkin’ about what makes marriage a little sweeter – more like what makes it work.  Well.  Here are some things that I do (or don’t do.)

– I make an effort to never say, “You never….”  Nothing good can come from that approach.  When I have an issue, I am usually conscious to never address it as an attack.  ‘Cause sistas, let me tell you.  Your man doesn’t like to be made to feel that he needs to defend himself.  For real.

– I give Kris a few minutes to unwind when he comes home before bombarding him with Anna’s antics household issues.

– I say I’m sorry when I mess up.  And, when I say it, I usually include a “Babe, I was completely wrong.”  Why?  Because, that’s why I like to hear from him.

– I let some things go. 

– I tell him “thank you” often.

– I tell Kris how proud I am of him, and I reassure him of my faith in him.  For example, I might tell him what an awesome pilot he is.  Or I might tell him how I know he can accomplish anything in aviation.  Or, I just might tell him what an incredible dad he is.  Words of affirmation go long way.  A very long way.  I try to affirm him, in some way, every single day.

– I don’t use the “I’ve got a headache” excuse.  Want me to keep it real?  Just do it, m’kay?

I’m sure I could go on.  We have bumps in the road just like every other couple.  There are days that I put Kris on the defensive and have to go back and set it straight…..humbly.  But the days where we get it right?  Oh, life is good.  Really good.

Ladies?  Your thoughts?


Filed under Love, Marriage

10 responses to “He Said, She Said (Part Two)

  1. Dusty Takle

    I totally forgot this little nugget or three:

    When I want Kris to do something for me, I never just tell him to do it or use exasperation in my voice. I simply start with “Babe, do you mind?” Or “Do you think you might have a chance to….”

    Even for the simplest of requests like, “Babe, do you mind taking the trash to the curb today?”

    Then? I say thank you.

    And girls, while we would for love our men to just always know to do the things we want them to, um, they don’t. So, try not to get exhausted with asking them everysokindly to do it. Remember, the pressure on them to provide for their family is much greater than the pressure on us.

    With that being said, sometimes, just let things go. And, love on ’em.

  2. Wendy Verdon

    You left some good advice about all of it. I agree about the no headache, never done that and like you said, just do it – I will not go further with this one, I could, but I won’t!

    I always bombard my husband with things when he walks in – good and bad and he gets immediately on the defensive, he says to give him a few minutes to get in. But, I am thinking, “I have not seen you all day and don’t get to talk to you most of the day, so you should be ready to talk to me.” But, you have made me see that I should wait and let him get in and unwind. Thanks – that is a big help. It certainly sets the mood for the evening. I need to stop taking that personal.

    I once read the book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” and I think I need to read it again.

    thanks once again Dusty!

  3. Susan

    You know, Dusty, on a serious note. I know, I know~since you can’t read emotion into this, just trust me. I am serious. You are a great wife..you are a great mommy..you are a great speaker (moved me and my mascara!)..and most importantly, you can deliver His word in the most effective way. I am proud I have known you most of your life and was blessed with watching you grow up (and mature) into such an exemplary person. Ok, seriousness is over..let me return to me! As quoted from a wise one, “Luv ya, mean it!”

  4. Brenda

    Wish we had this advise about 27 years ago BUT it will help me with my next one, who ever God has for me! Love ya and oh yeah, I do mean it!

  5. Dusty, I enjoyed yesterday & today’s nuggests. (reminders as a “chance again” to be intentional)
    Great job!! It brings hope to hear suggestions, to be reminded not to take your loved ones for granted. I was reminded of that today by you. I try not to forget, probably do an okay job, but always need room to assert myself in the affirmation dept with my husband. A huge Thank you! love you & your heart!

  6. oooppps, nuggets! not nuggests. haha

  7. I thank God I have his socks to pick up – because I know women who wish they still had socks to pick up – its an attitude adjustment for me and puts me in a thankful place 🙂

  8. Karen

    This is hysterical. I’ve done every one of the “Don’ts”. But then, so has Chris.

    A lesson: If you want it done & really can’t do it yourself, don’t pester. It took me awhile to learn this one. About a year, I think. I came home Thursday (a friend & I had gone to look at picnic spots for after the vow renewal ceremony) to find my kitchen in disaster mode. The disposal was out, the drain was out, but he was installing the instahot I’d finally stopped bugging him about. Being married to a plumber sucks. Mine is ALWAYS last.

    Also remember to pick your battles. Sometimes what appears to be a big deal, (like picking up his dirty laundry) given some time, isn’t really. Then you’ve wasted a perfectly good fight. And have to apologize on top of it. Not good with a very dominate man, like mine.

    Remember, he likes to be shown, as well as told, that he’s loved. Gives his little ego a lift & makes him feel really good. I remind myself that he’s God’s work in progress, the same as I am. Especially when he’s on my last nerve. That seems to make things easier.

  9. Interesting. thanks for the insights. I will add this to my favourites and come back to check out your updates. very cool

  10. Gina

    I love your advice. We are breaking the generational curse on our families and we work hard at fighting for our marriage. It took a while to get here, but at 10 years we know more than some people know their whole lives. We focus on putting God first and our spouse second. Its amazing to know the kind of selfless love God has for us, instead of staying in the worldly, selfish love that is all around us. I can say with certainty we have been blessed for above and beyond what we deserve. I did learn that if I stopped nagging and started praying, certain things got done faster. My husband is an electrician, I am still waiting for the plugs to get changed in our bedroom and plug covers to be put on. But God has done so many amazing spiritual changes on my husband and saved his life in January (he almost died from a strep infection) that I am not complaining! I know way better!

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