“I get so emotional baby, every time I think of you-hoo hoo, I get so emotional baby. Ain’t it shocking what love can do.” I must confess. This old Whitney Houston tune was playing in a restaurant bathroom this past Sunday. I was in there with Anna, and I was singing it like it was nobody’s business. Had someone walked in, it could’ve been really bad. Let’s talk about the emotional part of marriage.
Merriam-Webster Online defines emotion as
a: the affective aspect of consciousness: feeling b: a state of feeling c: a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body
I like the “conscious” mental reaction description. Because, to avoid having to sing, “You’ve lost that loving feeling,” I believe it takes a conscious effort.
The first thing we need to reconcile is that we are never going to have another first kiss again. And, we all know, there is nothing like that first kiss. But, if we can come to terms with this, we will be much better off.
Here are ways that Kris and I keep the home fire burning. And, I’m not referencing sex….that is tomorrow’s blog.
· We make time for each other away from the children. During these precious moments, we don’t talk about finances or other “house business.” We simply enjoy each other.
· We make a conscious effort to communicate the right way. You can read this post to learn more on how we communicate.
· We avoid situations that would make us vulnerable to directing our emotions away from each other to something or someone else.
· We make ourselves accountable to one another.
· We take time daily, even if it’s just five minutes, to connect with one another. This might include praising each other, discussing our day, making the other laugh or just holding each other’s hand. Even when Kris is on a trip, we make good use of the phone.
· When he is looking hot, I tell him!
· When I’m looking hot, he better tell me! And, when he forgets, I prompt him with an, “Ahem. Notice anything nice?” And, like it or not girls, sometimes, men need prompting.
Along the lines of communication, do everything within your power to never criticize each other. Girls, if you want your husband to fight like a warrior for you and the family, then treat him like one. Every time I make a jab a Kris, I emasculate him. But, when I praise him and assure him that he is appreciated, he draws back his bow and aims precisely. This goes both ways. Our words are powerful. They speak life or death – blessing or cursing.
If you’ve ever read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, then you know that we all receive and give love differently. To keep the emotional part of marriage working, I think it’s important to know how your partner receives love. And, how we give love is usually how we receive it. There is no right or wrong way. It’s why we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.
That’s my two cents on the emotional part. I’m sure you can add more, and I welcome it! Tomorrow, we’ll get physical….metaphorically speaking.