The Three Parts of Marriage (2 of 3)


“I get so emotional baby, every time I think of you-hoo hoo, I get so emotional baby.  Ain’t it shocking what love can do.”
  I must confess.  This old Whitney Houston tune was playing in a restaurant bathroom this past Sunday.  I was in there with Anna, and I was singing it like it was nobody’s business.  Had someone walked in, it could’ve been really bad.  Let’s talk about the emotional part of marriage.

Merriam-Webster Online defines emotion as

a: the affective aspect of consciousness: feeling b: a state of feeling c: a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body

I like the “conscious” mental reaction description.  Because, to avoid having to sing, “You’ve lost that loving feeling,” I believe it takes a conscious effort.

The first thing we need to reconcile is that we are never going to have another first kiss again.  And, we all know, there is nothing like that first kiss.  But, if we can come to terms with this, we will be much better off.

Here are ways that Kris and I keep the home fire burning.  And, I’m not referencing sex….that is tomorrow’s blog.

·      We make time for each other away from the children.  During these precious moments, we don’t talk about finances or other “house business.”  We simply enjoy each other.

·      We make a conscious effort to communicate the right way.  You can read this post to learn more on how we communicate.

·      We avoid situations that would make us vulnerable to directing our emotions away from each other to something or someone else. 

·      We make ourselves accountable to one another.

·      We take time daily, even if it’s just five minutes, to connect with one another.  This might include praising each other, discussing our day, making the other laugh or just holding each other’s hand.  Even when Kris is on a trip, we make good use of the phone. 

·      When he is looking hot, I tell him!

·      When I’m looking hot, he better tell me!  And, when he forgets, I prompt him with an, “Ahem.  Notice anything nice?”  And, like it or not girls, sometimes, men need prompting. 

Along the lines of communication, do everything within your power to never criticize each other.  Girls, if you want your husband to fight like a warrior for you and the family, then treat him like one.  Every time I make a jab a Kris, I emasculate him.  But, when I praise him and assure him that he is appreciated, he draws back his bow and aims precisely.  This goes both ways.  Our words are powerful.  They speak life or death – blessing or cursing.

If you’ve ever read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, then you know that we all receive and give love differently.  To keep the emotional part of marriage working, I think it’s important to know how your partner receives love.  And, how we give love is usually how we receive it.  There is no right or wrong way.  It’s why we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. 

That’s my two cents on the emotional part.  I’m sure you can add more, and I welcome it!  Tomorrow, we’ll get physical….metaphorically speaking.

6 Comments

Filed under Love, Relationships

6 responses to “The Three Parts of Marriage (2 of 3)

  1. Dusty,
    This is sooo true, sometimes, interaction, takes the other deciding not to wear their feelings on their shoulders but flirting in a sweet way to receive teh response we know we will get anyway, if we keep them looking, at us, or enjoying us, so to speak! I love the talks ya’ll have, we fail in that area. But i am working on that…..but the points get across. I orchestrate my attention getting mechanisms too! lol, the ole, reaching over to get the hand to hold works all the time! Some are not affectionate spontaniously (Sp) so, the keep the fire burning like you said, takes iniative! love you!

    Great job w/the blog! lol

  2. dlkaufman

    Ahhh, the emotional realm. So tricky. Honoring each other’s feelings and acknowledging them can be so simple some times. Other times, when our own feelings are involved, or we feel under attack, well, that’s just plain hard. I think that one of the greatest gifts we have given each other in our marriage is the understanding that each of us reacts out of our own hurts and life history. Not reacting then is easier when you realize that it is their issue and not a personal attack.

  3. Amanda Morgan

    I’ve told you this before but I LOVE your blog. I can relate to you and your family in so many ways. You have a gift for writing. Ever thought about writing a book? Look forward to many more thoughts to come!

  4. Great stuff, Dusty.

    Didn’t take you for an Olivia Newton-John fan. Who knew?

  5. Karen

    Your list is pretty complete, from what I can see. I sit back & think about the ways that I let Chris know how much I still love & appreciate him. It’s tough sometimes, especially when he’s particularly irritable, but it can be done. He’s so spoiled now, a soda & a handful of candy can generally help gentle his mood. And if that doesn’t work, there are other ways. He does the same for me. And they do need prompted.

    Try this: Send the kids to a babysitter for the evening, or, a sleep over, if they’re older. Give him his favorite dinner, complete with candles, & soft music he likes. Have yourself dressed/made up. After dinner, leave the mess in the kitchen (unless he’s a neat freak & it bothers him) & pay strict attention to him. Talk to him, & encourage him to talk. Let the evening progress as it will.

    You’ll be surprised how this can effect him for days. Talk about a gentle mood.

  6. The Christian Ranter

    This is so right on. Your man is very lucky to have someone who is wise in this area.

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