The Three Parts of Marriage (3 of 3)


Last but certainly not least is the physical part of marriage.  Let’s talk about sex.  You can exit out of this blog now, if I’ve already made you uncomfortable.  I won’t be offended.  As a matter of fact, I’ll never know.  But, if you can handle Song of Solomon, this is a walk in the park.

1 Corinthians 7:5 says Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

I believe each couple should decide what works best for them in regards to sex – at least the how often part.  I will be candid with you.  I have probably turned Kris down five times in five years of marriage.  This is what I have found:    There are rare times that sex is kind of like exercise.  I didn’t feel like doing it, but once I did, I was glad I did.  But more times than not, I want to share this greatest form of intimacy with my husband.  And as for the 1 Corinthians scripture that mandates us to not deprive our spouse unless we are giving ourselves to prayer?  Well, Kris would rather fast food than sex.  But that’s just him.

If you are a parent to young children, you know the obstacles you have to overcome to make sex happen while your children are at play.  We usually tell our kids that mommy and daddy are going to talk, and then we lock the door.  Our sneaky little MacGyver – you know which one I’m talkin’ about – has figured out that our car keys will unlock the door.  So, what now?  Hide the keys.

A big no-no in our bedroom is porn of any kind.  This is probably best left for an entirely different post.  But for us, we want our physical connection to be between the two of us – and no one else. 

On a deeper level, physical intimacy is the unveiling of yourself to make yourself more vulnerable in a trusting and loving relationship.  It creates a sense of unity.  In it, you approve each other’s need to be a sexual being.

There is much more I could write on the physical part of marriage – from all of the aspects of intimacy, including obstacles to achieving it.  But for the sake of time (and a really long post), I’ll leave it at that.  And one thing to always remember, we cannot expect perfection in our spouse when we ourselves are imperfect.

One of the best books I’ve read on intimacy is Intimacy: A 100-Day Guide to Lasting Relationships by Douglas Weiss.  If you haven’t read it, pick it up.  It’s worth the read.  And, it covers all three parts of marriage.

What are your thoughts?  Any other book recommendations? 

6 Comments

Filed under Love, Relationships, sex

6 responses to “The Three Parts of Marriage (3 of 3)

  1. You know, I’m like you. I rarely turn Chris down. I want this to be something special between us.

    And I agree about keeping the bedroom pure without any added things/videos.

  2. dlkaufman

    I also loved the Doug Weiss book. But we adapted it. We left out the “punitive” part if one of us doesn’t meet the frequency due date! Instead, we talk about why and let grace reign. BTW, for you newlyweds out there (under 20 years of marriage), it does get better and better with age! Boy, does it….

  3. Brittany

    I just have to share this little tip I learned from my mom (of all places)… When Sandyn and I were little, my mom would say, “Don’t come in our bedroom, we’re ‘wrapping presents’ and you don’t want to spoil the surprise!” Of course, we bought this hook, line and sinker but by the time they were through (haha), we had completely forgotten about our supposed presents. It was brilliant and we definitely plan on using. 🙂

  4. Very well written….my comment was also that my Mom & Dad, when we were older, dropped us off at the matinee, but they didn’t fool us! lol, loved what Brittany shared too. But I agree with no porn. Love you blogs, whether deep or funny, informative, or brilliant, they are wonderful Dusty, I agree, a book writer is an option, with your skills, expressions! lol

  5. Karen

    I would have to agree with dlkaufman, it’s better after 20, & better than that after 25. I too agree with the no porn.

    I really like the way you’ve approached all three aspects of marriage.

  6. The Christian Ranter

    There is a chronological order that must be followed, and you have listed it correctly. Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical. The sad part is that most young people start at the end and never end up with the first two.

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