That’s what I’d tell your right this second if you walked into my house. It’s 9:43pm on the bottom right of my computer screen. Jett is in bed making little grunty noises. I hear an occasional whimper. I go into his room to soothe him. Um, like now….hold up.
Okay. I’m back, and now it’s 9:46pm. We are doing the whole “lay him down awake” technique in hopes that this little man will learn to fall asleep on his own. In the meantime, I sit up in my soft, living room chair and pass the time reading, writing, and wondering how in the world I can give my older two children the attention they need from me while caring for this little person who can do practically nothing for himself.
So, I feel guilt. I feel guilty that I have to tell my son, “Buddy, I can’t right now.” I feel guilty that by the time I made it to my daughter’s room to pray for her tonight, she was already asleep. I know this only a season. And, I wouldn’t skip this season if I could. But I wish I could press a pause button sometimes, so I didn’t miss any moments with any of my children.
And, John Henry and Anna are both so gracious to me. They are gracious to their new little brother. I hear John Henry singing Jeremy Camp’s “Beautiful One” to his little brother. I see Anna brushing his cheeks with her hand and trying to make him smile. Of course this afternoon, Kris and I overheard her telling him about Jesus and God. How they live in heaven. How we’ll all die one day and live in heaven, too. Poor kid just got here, and already Anna is preparing him for the sweet by and by.
Nonetheless, they have been gracious. And, I can’t help but think that God has given them grace for this season, too.
Do you ever feel guilt as a parent?