Shhh…

That’s what I’d tell your right this second if you walked into my house. It’s 9:43pm on the bottom right of my computer screen.  Jett is in bed making little grunty noises.  I hear an occasional whimper.  I go into his room to soothe him.  Um, like now….hold up.

Okay.  I’m back, and now it’s 9:46pm.  We are doing the whole “lay him down awake” technique in hopes that this little man will learn to fall asleep on his own.  In the meantime, I sit up in my soft, living room chair and pass the time reading, writing, and wondering how in the world I can give my older two children the attention they need from me while caring for this little person who can do practically nothing for himself.

So, I feel guilt.  I feel guilty that I have to tell my son, “Buddy, I can’t right now.”  I feel guilty that by the time I made it to my daughter’s room to pray for her tonight, she was already asleep.  I know this only a season.  And, I wouldn’t skip this season if I could.  But I wish I could press a pause button sometimes, so I didn’t miss any moments with any of my children. 

And, John Henry and Anna are both so gracious to me.  They are gracious to their new little brother.  I hear John Henry singing Jeremy Camp’s “Beautiful One” to his little brother.  I see Anna brushing his cheeks with her hand and trying to make him smile.  Of course this afternoon, Kris and I overheard her telling him about Jesus and God.  How they live in heaven.  How we’ll all die one day and live in heaven, too.  Poor kid just got here, and already Anna is preparing him for the sweet by and by. 

Nonetheless, they have been gracious.  And, I can’t help but think that God has given them grace for this season, too. 

Do you ever feel guilt as a parent?

9 Comments

Filed under Motherhood, parenting

9 responses to “Shhh…

  1. feel guilt all the time…:)….I see Anna may have a little call on her life…don’t you wish you had Jett’s first call to follow Jesus recorded…that girl is sumpin 4 sure…<3

  2. kate

    I feel guilt A LOT! Seems no matter how much attention and love you give…..they still want more. But, I can see that having to give extra time to Jett right now is teaching J.H. and Anna to not be self centered. Great lessons to learn at an early age!

  3. Michelle

    Dusty, i think guilt goes with the parenting territory. if we didnt feel guilt, then we wouldnt be normal. how about the guilt when they want to stay with you all day & not go to school. you are a great mom and you’re doing what you are called to do…your best! blessings.

  4. bonnie

    NEVAH!!!! Don’t know what you are talking about!

  5. Loved what Anna shared with her brother Jett!! God is using her to plant seeds in her brothers life for sure!! Sweet! Thanks for sharing!

  6. Carla

    Guilt just comes with the parenting thing. As long as you love them with all you have and take the time to be with them when you have it . I learned with Michael that it is not what you do but the quality of the time you spend with them each and make them feel special. They are all different and have their on special thing with you that makes them smile. Josh and I had a special noise we made just us and Michael he loved to be close. I never knew you could love someone so much till I had my children. Your babies are special and have sweet spirits you have nothing to worry about.

  7. Amanda

    I actually don’t feel guilty all of the time, when I’m working at the coffeehouse or meeting with people to walk with them through things. The guilt hits me the hardest, when I’m on a field trip with Ira’s preschool class and my cell phone rings, and I have to answer it. The other moms don’t actually help this feeling since I had one recently say, “Oh, you’re one of those moms.” I’m thankful that Ira knows I love him but that I also have to work, but sometimes I’m convinced that God thinks I can handle more jobs than I’m okay with! 😉 Our lives are full…I guess He gives us the kids that fit into our lives the best. Love you, cousin!

  8. Layna

    Heck yeah, girl! In fact, I’ve felt that SAME brand of guilt you just shared countless times myself (fellow momma of three). It’s hard. But I think the important part is that they SEE and understand that we are TRYING and most times…we are trying our BEST…to be there for all of them, and to make sure they know day in and day out that they are indeed soooooooo loved and sooooooo important. Your elaborations of their sweet and strong little characters are perfect proof that you’re doin’ a FAB job as their momma. So, in my humbe opinion–ixnay the uiltgay. 😉

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