Tag Archives: time

Honor the Space

It’s Friday night, and I’m home with my family, save John, drinking a glass of red wine (RED….I don’t even know myself anymore) and contemplating this past week. I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions the past few days. Good, necessary, thought shift, life shift kind of emotions. A week ago, one of Kris’ friends and long time clients transitioned unexpectedly. For 16 years, Paul has been in Kris’ life. Kris has managed and flown Paul’s airplanes for as long as we’ve been married. Kris and I spent a couple of days in Oklahoma this week tending to business, and we spent one night together out just the two of us. We sat across from each other reminiscing stories of time with Paul that neither of us have thought about in a very long time. We tend to forget the moments with someone until we are in a position where we really want to remember them.

I came home Wednesday to be back home with the kids, and Kris stayed on to attend Paul’s memorial service. I went to service at EWC that night and allowed my own spirit to receive whatever it needed. My dear friend, Lauren, led worship and knew the very words the room needed. What I needed. I sat down and tears just streamed down my face. Because, all I kept hearing in my spirit was this: honor the space.

Honor the space.

I thought about all of the stories Kris and I exchanged about our times with Paul. How he showed up to our wedding, kid birthday parties, dinner, anything we invited him to. How he wanted us to always join him and his wife for dinner when Kris flew him, and I tagged along. How he laughed at the stories Kris and I told him. How he really wanted to hear our stories.

How he simply showed up.

How he engaged you.

How he honored that moment.

How he honored the space.

I wasn’t close to Paul. I enjoyed our times together, but I, by no means, was close to him. But I don’t think I honored the space with him like he did with me. I’m sure I didn’t. So, that thought led me to thinking about the times I am with my friends now. With my family. When I’m with you. Am I honoring that space? Am I showing up as much as I can and being present with you? Is there someone I’m not investing in and showing up for that needs me? And, perhaps, I need?

Thursday morning, I texted my mom something that will sound strange to most of you, but she knows me and loves me and can practically decipher and translate every single weirdo text I send her. “Mom, is it just me, or do you feel like things are aligning the way they are supposed to? Alignment is the best word I can think to describe what I feel in my spirit.”

She responded, “Getting into alignment is sometimes painful. It can hurt. But once you are aligned, it makes the journey so much smoother. It can make us go farther than we’ve ever anticipated.”

See what I’m saying? She can interpret ANYTHING.

The greatest alignment I began to feel was with Kris. Because, one of the spaces I learned I needed to honor was with him.

Don’t get me wrong. I freaking love that man. I love being with him. I love date nights with him, traveling with him, family nights, the times we share with friends….I love it all. But, it hit me: I do not fully honor the space, honor the time when I’m with him. Enjoy it? Yes. Honor it?

Honor is such a huge word. It means to regard with great respect. To revere. To treat with honor. While I always honor and respect him…..do I always honor the space with him? The moments with him? In both the ordinary and the remarkable? Perhaps, sometimes. But, I want to honor the space in them all.

I want to honor the space with you. I want to show up. I want to be present.

Kris came home last night, and I told him…. “You know how we always say, okay, I always say, I want time to slow down with our kids, so I can soak in these moments more?” He nodded.

“Well, I want time to slow down, so I can soak these times in with you. I want to linger a little longer. I want to hold the moments a little tighter. I want time to slow down with you.”

And, it will. Time will slow down. Because, that’s what happens when we choose to honor the space. That’s what happens when we are aligned.

That’s what happens when we show up. When we engage. That’s what happens when we become aware that the space with each other is divine. It’s holy.

I want to honor the space with every person. Every friend. With my children. With Kris. With you.

Honor it. Show up for it. And, stay there a while. So, to that I say, align away.

Fly west, friend.

Hawker

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Filed under God Stuff, life, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Spiritual Journey, Uncategorized

You Gotta Believe Jett Takle Is Five.

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It is impossible to spend time with Jett and look away from him without him demanding my attention back. I’m sure you’ve experienced this with little ones grabbing your face and turning it to face theirs. Jett, like most kids, has always done this. But, now that he’s older, he doesn’t grab my face. He simply shouts, “Mom! You gotta believe this!” It’s his twist on “You’re not going to believe this!” I like his version better. Because, more than the things we don’t need to believe, there are so many more things we actually “gotta” believe. And, he reminds me everyday to believe in the good.

To believe that it’s important to be an observer of life and notice every inch of it.

To believe that life’s wonder and beauty are found in what most of us consider the mundane – the everyday life – the ordinary. To know that we don’t always have to seek an adventure, a destination, or some exotic place or people….but we can find God in every aspect of our daily journey. And, there is nothing mundane at all about that.

And, there is nothing mundane about being with Jett.

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Jett, you replenish my soul. You fill my life with so much joy that I cannot contain it all. It pours out of me in the forms of smiles, laughs, stories, and tears. The good kind of tears. The kind where I sit alone and think about your very existence and I am flooded with emotions wrapped in gratitude and thankfulness. I am so thankful for you, and I love every single thing about you.

I love the way you look at me and tell me you love me.

I love the way you insist on riding your daddy’s back to bed.

I love the way you dream of becoming a pilot and flying “to outer space.”

I love the way you love your big brother and sister and light up when they play with you.

I love the way you get so excited when you tell a story.

I love the way you get so excited about EVERYTHING.

I love the way you love exploring nature on the farm. You make me love the farm even more, too.

I love the way you know when you are entertaining us with your hilarious dance moves, so you don’t stop dancing.

I love the way you get those dance moves from your Ga-Ga.

I love how creative your imagination is. And, how you believe you can do and accomplish anything.

You gotta believe this, Jett Takle. You make our lives sweeter. I recently read, “time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life.” You make time stand still for me. And, I will forever be grateful to you for making me soak in so many beautiful moments.

Happy 5th Birthday, Jett. We love you more than you will ever know.

Love,

Mom.

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Filed under Kid Stuff, life, Motherhood, parenting

Taking More In.

It’s been seven days since I put down social networking.  It was an awkward first two days.  You know, I wasn’t shaking or anything.  I jest.   I do.  No, really.  One of my colleagues asked me yesterday morning what I hoped God was going to work in me through this.  I didn’t really have a definitive answer of what I hoped He would do.  I told her I felt that by giving it up, I would inevitably be replacing it with other things.  Things that would invoke me to be more personal with my children.  With my husband.  With my friends.  And, I am doing just that.

Through becoming more aware of the people in my life, I find myself becoming more aware of God.   After all, doesn’t God live in each one of us?  So, by being totally present with people, we become more present with Him.  It’s really a pretty awesome phenomenon, I tell ya.

A couple of nights ago, Anna climbed into bed with me with her book, The Lorax.  She wanted to read it aloud to me.  She would pause throughout the book, and we would talk about it.  If you’re unfamiliar with The Lorax, it’s a wonderful story to encourage readers to take care of the earth.  I listened as Anna talked about her desire to be nicer to the planet.  Through conversation with my seven year old, I began to see God in His creation.  Again.  I acknowledged His handiwork in shaping every part of it.  It made me want to be a better steward with this undeniably amazing planet.  So simple.

I’m loving the simple.  Breathing in the simple.  It’s wonderful.  It’s life-giving.

Here are a few of my favorite things I’m taking in:

I’m pretty sure that this is the “full” John was writing about.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10

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Filed under Favorite Things, God Stuff, Kid Stuff, life, Life Experiences, Motherhood

The Moments You Can’t Redo.

Me:  “You should’ve seen Jett yesterday, lying on the floor, laughing so hard at his big brother and his big brother laughing so hard right back.”

Dad:  “You can never re-do those moments.  They come and go so fast.  You can recreate moments when you are an adult.  But, you can’t recreate those moments when they are children.”

My thoughts hung on my dad’s words for the rest of the day.  I’ve written about soaking up moments like these before.  But, I guess we can never be reminded too often to take notice of them. 

To be present.

Fully present.

So yesterday, after a long day of meetings, errands, and checking on my sick 8 year old, I came home and saw a little 18 month old running around my house.  There were so many things on my to-do list even after I made it home. 

Forget ‘em. 

That’s what I said to myself.  And, Kris knew my list was waiting for me.  So, I looked at him and said, “Do you care if I just play with Jett a while?”

“Have at it!” he said.

So, that’s what I did.  He laughed at me, and he made me laugh.  I listened to him repeat words I said, and I smiled. 

Forget the busy schedules, forget the to-do lists.  Stop being overwhelmed by things that really don’t matter.  Enjoy the people in your life.  And, be fully, FULLY present with them. 

Because, you will never, ever be able to redo these moments.

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Soak It Up.

I have a lot of Big Mama stories.  As a matter of fact, every time I talk to her, she says something that bears repeating.  Her unintentional lessons are to my blog posts what Anna Takle’s…well, what any of Anna’s shenanigans are to my entries. 

I called her yesterday after I posted.  I didn’t tell her my post was about her.  She will find out soon enough by one of you.  And, she will tell me, “I heard you’ve been putting me up on that computer!”  She will laugh cautiously then ask me to show the post to her.

After our phone conversation, thoughts of her raced into my mind for the rest of the day.  Even into the night as I lay in bed rereading yesterday’s blog, my thoughts were of her.  How I love being with her and talking to her.  And, how I love repeating the things she says to me. 

I’m not sure how many more years I have to enjoy this incredible lady.  So, I started pondering questions I’ve never asked her.  Stories I’ve never heard.

I want to ask them.  I want to hear it all.  I don’t want to say, “I wish I would have asked her…..”

 Of course, she did recently ask me if she could have my “great big colorful painting” should she outlive me.  She was serious.  I told her yes. 

Who do you need to spend more time with in your life?  What questions do you want to ask him or her?  What stories do you want to hear? 

Maybe it’s the person lying next to you right now.  Maybe it’s that sweet little girl down the hall from you.  The friend who lives two miles from you that you only see or talk to a few times a year. 

Maybe it’s the father who shares a very different view of life from you, so you keep your distance from him.  Or the sister you’re not close to anymore.

I don’t know.  I just know I want to soak up the moments with the people in my life more now than ever.  So, if tomorrow never comes, they know.  Thank  you, Garth Brooks.

And, thank you all for being a part of my life. 

Have a great weekend.

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Filed under Big Mama, gratitude, life, Relationships

Shhh…

That’s what I’d tell your right this second if you walked into my house. It’s 9:43pm on the bottom right of my computer screen.  Jett is in bed making little grunty noises.  I hear an occasional whimper.  I go into his room to soothe him.  Um, like now….hold up.

Okay.  I’m back, and now it’s 9:46pm.  We are doing the whole “lay him down awake” technique in hopes that this little man will learn to fall asleep on his own.  In the meantime, I sit up in my soft, living room chair and pass the time reading, writing, and wondering how in the world I can give my older two children the attention they need from me while caring for this little person who can do practically nothing for himself.

So, I feel guilt.  I feel guilty that I have to tell my son, “Buddy, I can’t right now.”  I feel guilty that by the time I made it to my daughter’s room to pray for her tonight, she was already asleep.  I know this only a season.  And, I wouldn’t skip this season if I could.  But I wish I could press a pause button sometimes, so I didn’t miss any moments with any of my children. 

And, John Henry and Anna are both so gracious to me.  They are gracious to their new little brother.  I hear John Henry singing Jeremy Camp’s “Beautiful One” to his little brother.  I see Anna brushing his cheeks with her hand and trying to make him smile.  Of course this afternoon, Kris and I overheard her telling him about Jesus and God.  How they live in heaven.  How we’ll all die one day and live in heaven, too.  Poor kid just got here, and already Anna is preparing him for the sweet by and by. 

Nonetheless, they have been gracious.  And, I can’t help but think that God has given them grace for this season, too. 

Do you ever feel guilt as a parent?

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Time Travels So Fast.

Last night, I sat on the bed with Anna.  I demonstrated how tiny her feet used to be.  I showed her how I’d kiss them, and she’d giggle.  She loves hearing stories of things she did when she was a baby.  I love remembering them.

Kids 2006

Sometimes, I pause and marvel.

Where did the time go?

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