August 10, 2011 · 5:00 am

Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken.

“You never forget the day that changes your life forever.  The day that turns your heart and your family upside down.”

And, those are the first words my good friend, Cindy Beall, pens in her book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken.  I know Cindy and her husband, Chris.  I’ve sat around their dinner table.  I’ve eaten Cindy’s amazing black bean salsa and steak fajitas.  I’ve spent hours shopping with her helping her pick out the perfect pair of denim.  ‘Cause she is understands a good pair of jeans is from the Lord.  So, what I’m saying is….I know her story. 

And, it’s the most amazing story of redemption in a marriage I’ve ever personally known.

But, it’s one thing to know her story.  It’s another thing to read it.  To read the brutal transparency of what her heart looked like after Chris confessed he had been unfaithful.  To read the shock.  The betrayal.  The shattered dream. 

And, then to read the forgiveness.  The healing.  The restoration.  The marriage that God made better than new. 

If you think your marriage is unrecoverable.  If you wonder if you will ever be able to trust again.  If you have lost all hope….

Cindy’s book will inspire you to believe otherwise. 

She will win your heart with her honesty.  And, she will help you write your own story of redemption.

To purchase Cindy’s book, go to Amazon.com.

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August 2, 2011 · 5:00 am

Nobody Puts Big Mama In A Corner.

After chasing Jett minute after minute for hours on in one day last week, I noticed he had disappeared from the room.  And, it was quiet.  Which never really means anything particularly good.  So, I embarrassed my mom by asking Big Mama, “Big Mama, please, go find Jett, and bring him in here.” 

I swear I was only kidding.

Swear.

But, you don’t challenge Big Mama.

Or, she just might do what you asked.

She found him.

And, she brought him back alright.

He just wasn’t so happy when she took over her walker again, and he lost his awesome ride.

There is not another Big Mama.  And, Jett Takle and I couldn’t be happier that she is in our lives.

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August 1, 2011 · 5:00 am

One Shot.

Sometimes in the middle of raising three children, I stop and think how easy my parents had it bringing up just one.  I’m mean, it was always two adults to one child.  How hard could it have been taking me to my weekly gymnastics that I quit as soon as I started?  Just one kid.  And, a sweet, compliant one at that.  It’s my blog, I can lie if I want to.

It’s not the easiest making sure we invest into each of our children in a way we feel is “enough.”  As a matter of fact, we rarely think it’s enough.  We just trust that God has given us everything we need to accomplish everything we need to as parents.  And, we trust His grace to take care of the rest.  ‘Cause you know….I have one shot at this parenting thing.

One shot at making sure this tender heart stays tender, so he can be the face of Christ to those who need Him.

One shot at showing this smart girl how there are no limits to what her determined, fun spirit can do when it is submitted to His Spirit.

One shot at teaching this fearless, wild at heart, (sometimes spoiled) kid three that God wants to use His adventurous heart for His Kingdom. 

One shot.  That’s it. 

I don’t remember all of the extra-curricular stuff my parents made time for.  But, I do remember the life experiences they turned into discipleship opportunities.  I do remember God always being the center of every single decision.  And, I remember looking at my parents so many times and seeing what the love of Christ looks like. 

I hope that’s what my three remember.  I hope they remember Jesus in our house. 

And, maybe when they are thirty-six years old sitting around a lunch table with Kris and I, they will still be amazed at the amount of Jesus pouring from our lives. 

Just like my parents continue to amaze me.  Even if they did only have one kid.

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July 26, 2011 · 5:00 am

What I Quit Doing.

The past few months my stress level has been pretty low.  My load is no lighter.  As a matter of fact, it’s probably fuller.  My secret to controlling the stresses that I actually can control?

I quit dreading.

I quit dreading the commitment I made I wished I had not made. 

I quit dreading the thing I have to do whether I want to do it or not. 

I quit dreading the fact that pretty soon my alarm is going to go off, and I’m going to have to motivate two little people to get out the door to school.

I quit dreading obligations that take away time I wish I could spend….resting….replenishing.

Dreading makes everything worse.  My grandfather used to always say, “It’s worse to dread something you have to do when just doing it is bad enough.”  In other words, nothing is going to change that commitment.  That thing.  Those obligations.  And, dreading them makes the doing them that much harder. 

So, I quit.

I no longer worry or stress about when I’ll have my next down time.  My next reprieve.  Instead, I make up my mind to maybe say no to the next request.  Unless that request is a life-giving need.  Because, it’s in those life-giving times that I remember my life is not my own.  And, God is always faithful to make me lie down in green pastures and restore my soul.  And, this rain sure does make them even greener.  A little drop of a degree or 100 might help, too.  But, I digress.

Stop dreading.  Remember whose you are.  And, how faithful He is to give you exactly what you need when you need it. 

Deal?

Deal.

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July 25, 2011 · 5:00 am

Loving Until The Twelfth of Never.

The following was written and published in The Grip newspaper as my tribute to the love of John and Dianne Herbert.  Dianne took her last breath on earth with John by her side, Saturday, July 16, 2011 at 12:30AM.  I will never forget the exchanges I had the honor of witnessing their last few weeks together.

There are days when one of us is trying to simultaneously console a tummy ache and cook dinner while the other is reconciling a bank statement with a toddler running a big truck up and down his leg.  There are situations where he sees things one way and I assume the burden of making him see things the right way.  Okay.  My way.  There are times my words are curt and his actions seem insensitive.  And, there are moments we both wish we could re-do.

We can’t.  And, parenting aside, marriage is one of the hardest institutions to navigate through.

But, I know it’s possible.

What is that thing that makes her stay even when the hard moments are unbearable?  What is it that makes him still say, “I love you,” after she has hurt his heart?  When bills pile up and the funds are low?  When one is running to soccer and the other is running to the office?  When time is scarce?  When emotions are running high?  When patience seems to have packed herself up and moved across town? 

What is it that makes a marriage run until the very end? 

Respect.  Honesty.  Intimacy.  Selflessness. 

Those are all words I think of when I think of a successful marriage. 

But, perhaps, the simplest answer is commitment.  Staying in the game.  Choosing love over and over again.  Saying no to the easy way outs and saying yes to until the twelfth of never. 

For better or for worse.

This is the kind of love I witnessed every day I went to see John and Dianne.  Bed-ridden with cancer, Dianne forced a smile into the eyes of the man who sang to her while he held her water.  Nurses would come and go, and John swore they were all scared of being out of a job because of the care he gave Dianne himself.  “She’s the queen of the house,” he’d tell everyone.  I watched him leave her side only to turn and run back and steal a kiss.  And, she obliged. 

I’m not sure what their last day looked like as he requested to be alone with his wife of more than forty-six years.  I don’t know the words he told her or the songs he sang. 

But, if he didn’t sing these words aloud, I know they echoed in his heart:

You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I’ll love you; I’ll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I’ll still be loving you.

May we all be inspired to love….

until the twelfth of never and that’s a long, long time.

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June 30, 2011 · 5:00 am

Remember the Why.

Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you.  Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God.  1 Peter 5:2

From the time I was a young girl, I knew God had called me to be a pastor.  Even then, I didn’t find it unconventional for a girl to assume a role usually appointed to men.  It just felt natural.  I would carefully place all of my stuffed animals in rows, lead praise and worship, and then preach to them.  Then, when I was in the third grade, my class was instructed to come dressed as what we wanted to be when we grew up for Career Day.  Me?  I wore a pinstriped dress and carried my Bible.  Because, I was going to be a pastor. 

I have since learned that there is a lot more to ministry than standing in front of people and unpacking a message that God has worked inside of me.  Which, ain’t no walk in the park, I gotta tell ya.  Mucho respect for my dad who does it every week with a delivery, anointing, and passion that I long for.  ‘Cause, dang that’s hard. 

Back to the point.

Ministry is taking care of the people that God puts into your life.  It’s stepping outside of your own need, your own want, and investing yourself in others.  It means that some nights, you go to bed, and you are mentally, emotionally, and physically spent.  It means you don’t let that exhaustion or sacrifice of personal time make you bitter.  “Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly.” 

And, the best way to keep your heart and mind in check is to remember why you are doing it.  It’s not just for them.  It’s not just for you.   But, it’s because, you are eager to serve God. 

Sometimes, I need to be reminded of the why.  Sometimes, we all need to be reminded of the why…whether we are pastors or not. 

You might be a teacher in a classroom dreading the return of August.  Dear Teacher, you are going to change some student’s life and tell her she has a gift to write.  Thank you, Mrs. Simonton. 

You might be a public service man or woman putting in a lot of hours for little pay.  Dear Public Servants, thank you for helping our tornado victims recover from terrible devastation and restoring hope to them.

You might be a nurse working crappy hours on a night shift.  Dear Wendi, thank you for taking such good care of me, and setting my mind (and pain) at ease.  You make every single one of your patients feel loved. 

You might be a mother staying home with your children every single day.  Thank you, mothers.  You are raising world changers. 

Whatever you do, it’s so important to always remember the why. 

I remembered my why last night.  To serve Him.  Not because I love Him.  But because, He lavishes His love on me.

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June 28, 2011 · 5:00 am

Geek Prayer Warrior.

Writing is a spiritual discipline for me now.  I know this.  I know this, because, I feel a sense of guilt when I don’t write.  Not a condemnation kind of guilt.  That’s not God’s style.  Rather, the kind of guilt you feel when you know you aren’t doing what God wants you to do in your life at this given moment.  I mean, obviously, I haven’t felt a GREAT DEAL of guilt about it in the past given my lengthy sabbaticals since kid three arrived.  Because, clearly, I’ve been able to still eat with this kind of guilt.

I guess it’s kind of like physical exercise.  You don’t always want to do it, but after you do, you feel so much better.  So, I’ve been thinking about ways to organize my writing time.  I figure if I make plans to write, I will.  Just like everything else in life.  We do what we make the time to do.  So, while, I am reading other people’s material and advice on how to help writing schedule, I thought I’d share with you how I make time to pray for people.  Or better yet, how I remember to pray for people and their specific needs.

When I someone asks me to pray for them, or if I commit to pray for someone, I pray for them the moment they ask.  The very moment.  Even if I’m in their presence, I make a conscious choice to pray silently right then and there.  If I read on Facebook or Twitter or receive an email that someone needs prayer, I pray immediately.  I don’t wait.  Because, then, I will surely forget.  But, once I pray that one time, something clicks.  And, that need someone has stays with me.  That need will continue to flow through my mind as the days and weeks come and go.  Then, whenever I think about that person, I pray for them. 

So, if you ask me, in person, to pray for you, and you suddenly think I’ve exited the planet, I’m still here.  It’s just my thing.  It seals that need into my memory bank. 

Now, suddenly, I feel very much like the geek prayer warrior.  Which brings up another factoid about me.  I never title my blog posts until I’m half-way through writing it.  It’s at this point in my post I’ve decided to name it “Geek Prayer Warrior.”

And, the little snippet above has nothing to do with this post.  Of course. 

So, the next time someone asks you to pray for them, try my little trick.  Heck, it may not work for ya.  I’m just sayin’.  Try it.  I have learned the more I think about other people, the more I pray for them.  And, the more I pray for other people, the less I think of myself.  And, the less I think of myself, the more I think on Him.  And, the more I think on Him, the more He becomes center.

And, well, everything is better when He is center.

Amen? 

Amen???

Thank you.  A-MEN.

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June 27, 2011 · 5:00 am

Right This Minute.

Right this minute.

I know a woman bed-ridden with a cancer that is trying to consume her body.  And, it wrecks me.

Right this minute.

I know a woman who is putting every single ounce of trust into her Savior as she comforts her two daughters who probably don’t understand why their father has walked out.  And, it wrecks me.

Right this minute.

I know a man who is caring for a wife who has been diagnosed with a rare form of dementia while struggling to keep his business afloat.  And, it wrecks me.

Right this minute.

I know a woman who doesn’t comprehend her value and is selling out to lies that she will never be good enough.  And, it wrecks me.

I know every single one of these people.

And, these things are happening.  Right this minute.

And, it wrecks me.

It wrecks me until I remember…..

The Roman Centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant, and Jesus just spoke the words, and He was healed.

And, I remember that God will be a father to the fatherless, and He will redeem everything that is lost.

I remember that all things are possible with the One who provides for us and never leaves us and goes with us all the way to the end.  And, the end is always glorious.

I remember that I am the arms and feet of Christ, and I can love with His amazing love so that person hurting sees only God lifting her up, holding her in His arms, until she knows how He loves her from the inside out.

You see, nothing….NOTHING is beyond repair.  Nothing is beyond redemption.  Nothing is beyond the MIRACLE.

And, I won’t stop praying.  I won’t stop serving.  I won’t stop fighting for people.

Because, I am a WARRIOR.

And, He is KING.  In whom ALL things are POSSIBLE. 

Right.  This.  Minute.

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June 22, 2011 · 5:00 am

The Hands of Time.

Fifteen months.  That’s how long it’s taken for his little hands that could barely grasp my finger become large and strong enough to hold onto these wooden rails.  It just seems like yesterday I was sharing with the world…well, you….that we were adding kid three to the mix. 

But, you and I are no strangers to the brevity of time. 

I love his hands.  I love his feet.  And, according to my experience with the feet of my older two, my love for his feet has an average life span of about four years.  That’s about when those chunky, little, kissable feet become far from kissable. 

But, his hands, well, they will always be kissable. 

A good friend told me once that whenever she begins to get irritated with one of her children, she intentionally looks at his or her hands.  Then, she is reminded of how young they are.  How much they’ve still to learn.  And, she softens.

I’m not sure what Jett will do with his hands as he grows older.  Perhaps, he’ll use them to write songs like his sister.  Or, pick a guitar like his brother.  Maybe, he’ll use them to pull back the yoke of an airplane like his father.  Only time will tell. 

But, whatever his hands finds to do, I pray he does it with passion and purpose.  I pray that one day, he offers his hands to his King, and says, “These are Yours.  Use them.” 

As for me, I will pray for those hands.  And, I will kiss those hands for as long I as live……

Or, however long he lets me.  

Whatever your hands finds to do, do it with all your might…. Ecclesiastes 9:10

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June 21, 2011 · 6:06 am

It’s Always Better.

And, this is how the conversation went yesterday.

John Henry:  “Mom, Anna says you die when you get baptized.”

Anna:  “Mom, it’s true!  The old Anna dies and a new Anna comes up out of the water!”

Me:  “Anna is right.”

John Henry gave me quite the dumbfounded look.  So, of course, I explained what dying to oneself means.  Dying to one’s own thoughts, belief systems, and desires and whole-heartedly seeking after those of Christ. 

The truth is. 

I have to die myself every single day.  I have to consistently make myself make right choices in how I respond to people.  I have to consistently choose to forgive even though holding a grudge seems easier at times.  None of it is always easy.  But, it’s always better.

It’s always better to admit to my children, “Mommy was wrong.  Would you please forgive me?”  This way they know the behaviors and words that are good and healthy.

It’s always better to squash my pride and take my husband’s hand after an argument.  This way we both know we are okay.

It’s always better to forgive a friend and shut my mouth about it.  This way I can continue to pour into her life and she into mine. 

It’s always better to forgo a day set aside for some “me” time to spend the day counseling someone struggling.  This way she will know God loves her, and her life matters.

It’s always better to give up sleeping in on a Sunday morning to go to the local church.  This way my children will always be reminded Who their source is for every need they will ever have.  And, they will know how much they need the body of Christ.

It’s always better to choose Him.  I don’t always understand His ways and thoughts.  But, I do know that choosing them is always better.  I’ve never heard someone say, “The worst mistake of my life was forgiving that person.”

Or making up with my husband.  Or making things right with my children.  Or going to church.  Or helping out a friend in need.

Dying is always better.  It’s in the dying that I truly live for Him.

23 Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.  24 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.  Luke 9:23-24

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