Tag Archives: perspective

August 29, 2019 · 8:16 am

Is It My Perspective Or Is It Just Unhealthy?

After I wrote and posted I Signed Up For This, I received a lot of positive responses. I think so many of you related to marrying a person and not a “plan.” But, I did have one response that made me want to follow up with another post about when do you walk away? My friend who talked to me about this wasn’t negative about my original post. He was just trying to digest and break down what it means and if there is ever a time to say, I did NOT sign up for this.

I love the questions he is asking himself about the relationship he is in. He said, “I don’t know if I’m creating the toxicity by the way I’m thinking about the situation or is the situation itself causing me to be or feel like I’m in a toxic relationship.” What a deeply mature and significant question to ask!

Our discussion has led me to want to clarify some things with my readers. If you are in a toxic or unhealthy relationship, and there are no means by which it’s going to get better, I would never tell someone to stay in it. When I say, “I signed up for this,” I’m saying I signed up to be flexible, to embrace change, to evolve, to be a team player. I did NOT sign up for a situation that is unsafe, that is abusive, that is unhealthy, or that is toxic. No ma’am. No sir.

The same goes for all relationships. I’ve recently had discussions with some close friends about boundaries and friendships. Honestly, the word “boundaries” bothers me more than it doesn’t. I know I should love that word. It’s a good word, after all. I just think we have abused it and set boundaries in relationships we should be fighting for. BUT, there are times where boundaries in relationships are vital to protect your heart, soul, and mind. I’ve always loved the truth that Jesus made EVERYONE feel special, and he loved and encouraged everyone. But, he didn’t let everyone close to him. He protected the energy and the space in which he lived his life. We have to protect our energy and our space and our hearts as well.

There have been times I’ve set boundaries in relationships, and it was necessary and needed. I have also set boundaries in relationships that I should have been fighting for instead. There are relationships worth fighting for, friends! This bears the question of my wise friend: Am I creating the toxicity by the way I’m thinking about the situation or is the situation itself causing me to be or feel like I’m in a toxic relationship? Only you can answer that question.

Tomorrow, I’m going to share with you a new adventure I begin next week! Also, it feels good (and like home) to be writing again. Thank you for reading, for sharing, for commenting, for asking, for questioning….for even disagreeing. It’s how we grow and how we connect. Have a great Thursday, friends.

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Filed under Relationships, Uncategorized, Writing

Tagged as boundaries, Friendship, perspective, Relationships, toxic relationships

August 23, 2019 · 7:37 am

Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing.

main thing 2.JPG

We’ve been in a series called “Battles” at church. It has really had me thinking about battles I have fought that should have never been a battle at all. And, fighting those battles have led to some of my biggest hurts (usually me hurting someone) which ended up being something I regretted. As a matter of fact, the majority of my regrets in life are making a bigger deal out of something than I should have….turning a minor issue into a major one. Making the insignificant significant.

We should always know better. Most, if not all, of us have experienced really hard things that were significant. Something that puts life into perspective where we see what truly matters in life. Back in April when both of my oldest ended up in the hospital with concussions, life dramatically slowed down. Nothing else mattered during that season but making sure my children were okay. Perspective was clear and right. Yet, it’s so easy to forget once that season passes. And, suddenly we are back to letting little things become big things.

That little thing your child failed to do or did becomes a big thing. And, their little souls suffer from our lack of perspective.

That little inconvenience a friend caused becomes a big inconvenience. And, her heart is hurt from our lack of perspective.

That little oversight from your spouse becomes a big oversight. And, he is stripped down and goes to sleep feeling like he let you down from our lack of perspective.

Every time we make that little thing big, someone gets hurt. A relationship suffers. And, it’s never, ever worth it.

Ever.

You’ll read this today and maybe think to yourself, “Keep the main thing the main thing.” And, perhaps, you will today. Maybe even tomorrow. But time will pass, and you’ll forget. I’ll forget. Some little thing will happen and we will lose perspective and blow it out of proportion. Someone will get hurt, and we will regret it. We will struggle to take back those words. But, maybe if we can all start being accountable to one another by reminding each other to keep the main thing the main thing, we will stop fighting battles that should never be.

Souls will stay on fire with life.

Hearts will stay mended.

Relationships will stay in tact.

Because, we won’t make insignificant things significant. And, we won’t let significant things become insignificant. Because, what’s significant…..what really matters…..are the people in your life.

They are the main thing.

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Filed under Friendship, life, Marriage, parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

Tagged as battles, perspective, Relationships

October 27, 2016 · 1:30 pm

Love Your Now.

I have found myself this week struggling to enjoy this season of busy schedules. I’ve thought, “Can we just go back to Maine where we eat six meals a day and linger at every beautiful sight?” Because, it was really easy to enjoy every moment there. It’s not always easy when you’re back in your regular routine. I probably found ten things making my life more difficult last night. A driven daughter who wants to do it all, these lessons, that practice, the broken air conditioner, the light that won’t come on in our living room, the drive to and from the farm that adds an additional hour to it all.

My life is harder and more exhausting than some. BUT, it is so much easier than MOST.

And, that’s where I had to get back to. It’s EASIER than most. That was my first perspective shift.

My next shift was a reminder that I create my world. I create what makes me tired, what makes me happy, what makes my day. I do. So, get control of what you’re creating, Dusty. WE are the creators. Not our children, not our circumstances…WE create it all. What do I need to take off of the table? Or, what do I need to reframe in how I think about it?

My last shift came when I thought of something I saw a while back: “LOVE YOUR NOW.” We don’t live in the past where we think, “Well, that season was a good one.” So, only loving our past won’t make us happy today. Sure, it’s great to remember good times and let them make you smile. But, it isn’t sustaining happiness. Also, we can’t be in love with a future we are hoping for either. Vision and goals are necessary and wonderful. Dreams keep us striving for something better. But, we miss true happiness when we fail to love our now.

Loving my now means I don’t take for granted the fact that one of my dearest friends walked into my office and loved on me today. Who gets to experience that kind of goodness everyday? This girl right here.

Loving my now means I get to go to bed, albeit exhausted, every night knowing I loved on my children and supported their gifts. Loving my now means I that choose to not despise my 30 minute drive, and instead, come home to the farm in the middle of the day to absorb every bit of peace it brings me. Exactly as I’m doing right now as I type. And, can I tell you how much peace and serenity it brings me? Worth the drive. Worth it all. Because, of this.

farm

Loving my now means that I might choose to celebrate life exactly like this guy who says, “Best day ever,” EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HIS LIFE.

jett-man

Loving my now means treasuring this season, because all five of us are still doing life together. In 4 1/2 years, one will be off at college. And, I will probably be in a corner sucking my thumb needing someone to remind me to love my now.

Loving my now means that when my husband gets home from his trip, I get to pull him close and thank God that in that very moment, we are together. And, I get to draw from his tender goodness and peaceful existence. I also get to say, “Bam, bro, enjoy your kids a while. I’m going to be loving my now in my room by myself a tick.” Just kidding, Ivar. Not really.

There will always be something to distract us from loving our now. Always. Even when the hard days of rearing children are done, something will have the potential to distract me. So, we have to conscientiously fight to own our now and love it. We have to discipline our emotions. We have to reframe our perspectives.

And, we have to say YES to now, so we can fully love our now.

Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment… Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life – and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you. Eckhart Tolle

Life Is Amazing.

Tonight, I dreaded the idea of going out in this painfully cold weather to check on a well and water troughs for cows. Dreaded. As in, how in the world am I living in a world where I check a well in 27 degree temps? Seriously.

But, I did. And, you know what I saw? Besides my breath in front of me? Stars. Amazing, beautiful stars that could not be numbered in a huge, amazing, beautiful sky. And, for a brief moment, I looked up and stared and thought, “Amazing.”

Sunday, I dreaded the thought of Jett becoming sick. Fever, congestion, loss of appetite. You know the stuff those little people get. I dreaded it changing up my Monday. Then, changing up my Tuesday. It did change it up. And, you know what I saw? Besides spilled Tylenol on my living room chair? A little boy who is growing up and changing so fast. Who has turned into the sweetest boy in the entire universe. Who made me laugh out loud so many times that, for a moment, I considered pulling him out of school and keeping him with me all the live long day forevermore….for a moment. And, then I put him to bed tonight and thought, “Amazing.”

Life is always amazing. Full of wonder. Full of crazy gorgeous evening skies and full of moments where your child sits closer to you. It’s always there. And, many times, those amazing moments are noticed in our life’s interruptions.

These past couple of days have reminded me: Change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

They don’t just change to become more tolerable. They change to become your greatest blessings.

It’s when life becomes amazing.

Tonight, I go to bed amazed.

Thankful.

In love with life.

In love with the people in my life.

And, in love with the One who created it all and said, “It is good.”

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Filed under God Stuff, gratitude, Life Experiences, Motherhood

Tagged as amazement, awe, life, life lessons, perspective, wonder

June 13, 2012 · 5:00 am

The Thief of Joy.

Article written for The Grip:

I recently read this Theodore Roosevelt quote on Pinterest, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Isn’t it though? And, keeping up with the Joneses seems so much more exasperating with the access of social networks like Twitter and Facebook. We look at their beautiful home. Her beautiful children. Their extravagant vacation. His new car. She really seems to have it all together. How do things always fall into place so perfectly for them? How did their kids get so perfect? Why can’t I be that kind of mother? Dang, their life is so much more glamorous than mine!

We look at our own lives and wish we had theirs.

I’ve done it on different levels before. I can remember reading another writer’s blog once and suddenly feeling very inadequate as a writer. She was just good. Really good. And, funny. Man, if I could come up with the funny one-liners like she does. How does she do that?

Then there is the girl who is always disciplined to eat the right foods and go to the gym. I’m not going to lie. I have coveted another girl’s disciplined habits and six pack abs before. But clearly, I love Junior Mints more than I love impressive abdominal muscles.

Don’t we often want what we don’t have? If only I had her sense of style. If only I had an eye for decorating my house like she does. If only I had a job like his. If only I had a personality like hers. If only, if only.

We can’t trade places with any of the people we envy. And, you know what? It wouldn’t fix us if we could. Then, we would simply take on a new set of problems. A new set of difficult circumstances. A new set of struggles. And, the truth is, everything isn’t always as perfect as it seems. None of us really know the struggles of another.

Comparison robs us of contentment. It robs us of joy. The solution is a better understanding of who we are in Him. It’s gaining a proper perspective of our own life. Not too long ago I had let a little resentment set in when I said, “I haven’t had a full 24 hours away from my children in nearly seven months.” I gained perspective when I did a heart check. My new perspective became, “I haven’t missed a day with my children in nearly seven months.”

Perspective changes everything. So, does giving up our right to say “it isn’t fair.” Because, we really lose the right to say, “it isn’t fair” until we have suffered on the cross as much as Christ suffered. When my good friend, Cindy Beall, was asked to respond to God not being fair once, she replied, “I’m glad He isn’t. I need His mercy.”

I may never be as creative a writer as some, but I will do my best to hear God and pen His words when I do write. I may never be able to pick out the perfect draperies like my friend. But, I can be thankful I have a friend who can help me. I may never have perfect children. But, I can thank God He sees them that way.

And, I thank God that He sees you and I that way. Perfect. Blameless. Without guilt. Because, when He looks at us, He sees us through the blood of His Son. Who paid a price that really wasn’t His to pay. Now, that wasn’t fair.

Let gratitude and perspective fill you today and every day. Let the knowledge that YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the Universe bring you peace. Know He is always working ALL things for your good. And, rest in this truth:

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

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Filed under God Stuff, gratitude, life, Writing

Tagged as comparison, gifts, gratitude, joy, perspective

September 10, 2008 · 6:00 am

Sometimes, I need a kick in the booty.

There are days I get so wrapped up in myself, it’s disgusting.

I spent the greater part of yesterday afternoon stressing – yes, stressing – over airline tickets for Disney World and at which resort to stay. Disney World, people. During my self-absorbed time where I was my main focus, my friend was at the doctor worried about her young son.

After she e-mailed me an update on her precious little boy, I put all of my stuff aside and prayed. Suddenly my stuff, my stress became so trivial. My obsession over me made me sick.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Ain’t no shame in spending time with Mickey Mouse and his friends. If you don’t believe me, just ask this girl. But, when we become so darn attentive on our wants and needs alone, we so miss God.

God has created us for His glory. Not ours. Right this very minute, I want more of Him and way less of me. I want to be more in tune to what He wants. And, He wants me to walk through this life in such a way that gives Him glory. I do this by living beyond myself.

Many times I think stress becomes selfish. Because in it, we can forget God and His sovereignty. Or, as in my case, we fail to recognize that others around us are having a really bad day. Then, life jumps back into perspective.

I love how God can ever so gently nudge me sometimes and say, “Hey, Dusty, it’s not all about you.”

No Sir, it’s not. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less. John 3:30

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Tagged as life, perspective, selfishness