Tag Archives: disappointment

My Pre-Blogging Life.

Long before I started this Randomness journal online, I had this journal.

journal wp

This book has been in my life since October of 1986.  Susan Woodward (Mimi) gave it to me.  See?

journal - susan wp

That was twenty-three years ago.  TWENTY-THREE!  That would have made me 11 years old.  I pulled out that old journal last night.  I have written in this journal every year since 1986 until 2003.  My very first entry began like this:

Journal entry 86 wp

The title of my entry was “The First Time the Lord Spoke to Me.”  I read through the writing of an eleven year old with a thirty-four year old heart.  I can still remember her and what she felt.  I read about a young girl wanting to hear God speak to her about a situation.  I wanted to hear a yes or a no.  I simply heard a trust that my parents’ decision is the will of God. 

I can remember my father telling me “no” concerning an event I wanted to hear a “yes” to.  I wrote, “Before the Lord spoke to me, I just knew I’d be disappointed if dad said no.” 

When God speaks, it should bring us peace.  It should make trusting Him easier, because His thoughts are so much higher than our thoughts.  It was such a simple concept for me to grasp at age 11.  But, at 34, I forget, on occasion, to be solely dependent on Him and what He says. 

I forget to trust His voice.

I forget to trust His voice in scriptures. 

I need that eleven year old girl to remind me more often that His very voice can calm stormy waters and bring peace to an unsettled heart. 

How do I ever forget that?

Incline my heart to your word.  Psalm 119:36


Filed under God Stuff, life, Spiritual Journey

All The Single Moms & Dads.

I wanted to title this post “All the Single Ladies,” but I just couldn’t make it work.  Another blog, another day. 

I’d like to introduce you to my friend, Kim Heinecke.  I met Kim in my bible study almost a year ago, and we instantly connected.  Our stories of divorce are similar.  And, our stories of how God healed our broken hearts are even more similar. 

I want you read her testimony.  Besides it being one of the most beautiful pieces of writing you will ever read, it will make you want to fall in love with your Father all over again – whether you’re single OR married. 

Kim writes:

“It is my testimony that when the Lord becomes the fountain of everything meaningful in your life – when He is your companion, your protector, your provider – you will never be lost or disappointed by what happens or doesn’t happen on your journey.”

Read Kim’s testimony here.  It’ll be the best thing you read today. 

I assure you.


Filed under disappointment, divorce, God Stuff, Motherhood

It Was Her Special Day.

John Henry was packing to spend the night with his Daddy Bryan.  Anna was sobbing to go with him.  She pulled her pink suitcase out of her closet and began shoving her clothes in.  Sure, that wasn’t heart-breaking.  Kris and I had already planned a date night out.  I began to question our decision to proceed with our evening knowing I had a little girl with a sad heart.

In steps Nan.  {My Mom.}

Who makes all things good.  Kind of like Jesus.  Just not exactly like Jesus.  But pretty dang close.

Nan assured Anna that she would have a special day. 

And a special day she did.

The heart-mending began with a manicure and pedicure.

Anna - pedicure wp

Nothing cures the blues like a little nail care.  Even if these are your color picks:

Anna - nails wp

Anna later acquired this loot from a little shopping with Nan:

Anna - loot wp

The hair salon diva  Barbie doll was unavailable for this photo op.  However, the loofah and watermelon made it in.  Seriously, who DOESN’T need a pink loofah?  And watermelon?  And cake? 

Thinking I have a sad heart coming on myself.

Oh, Nan!


Filed under disappointment, Kid Stuff, Randomness

What Do You Do With Your Loss?

First of all, I can hardly believe Danny Gokey is no longer a contender to be the next American Idol.  How-EVAH, it is certain that he will find success.  And, I guarantee that he will bring glory to God.  How do I know this? 

Because, he has already endured a much greater loss – losing his wife to complications from a surgery four weeks before he auditioned for Idol last year. 

Urged by his wife’s prodding, he not only went on to audition for Idol, but he also set up a foundation in his wife’s name which provides musical instruments to children.  My friend, Cindy Beall, would call this “turning his loss into a contribution.”

Danny’s favorite quote?  “Unshakable faith is faith that has been shaken.”

Some people become bitter.  Others become better.

I think we know which one Danny will become.

How do you handle loss?


Filed under disappointment, life, making an impact, Say What?

What Are The Odds?

The 50 to 1 odds for Mind That Bird to win the Kentucky Derby have certainly not been over-looked in the past few days.  Wow.  What an incredible under-dog (or horse) story.  These kinds of odds remind me of how often we want God decrease the odds in our own life.

But, that’s not usually how God works.

In the book, In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day, Mark Batterson addresses this very thing.  Take the story of Gideon, for example.  Gideon started out with thirty-two thousand men, and they were still outnumbered by the Midianites.  They were the underdogs with thirty-two thousand!  But, God tells Gideon he has too many men.  And, He orders Gideon to let go of the scaredy-cats.  Apparently, he had a lot of scaredy-cats, because two-thirds of them went home to momma.

Still too many men, God told him.

If I were Gideon, I’d be like, “Do wha?”

So after a drinking contest.  Wait.  No.  After Gideon discharges his men that drink water like dogs (per God’s instruction), he gets down to a measly three-hundred.


Talk about pretty stinky odds.

But, ya know what?  Israel wins.  Midianites lose.

So, why did God not decrease their odds?  Actually, why did he INCREASE them? 

Simple.  Because, He wants all of the glory.  ALL of it.

Judges 7:2 says “The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many warriors with you. If I let all of you fight the Midianites, the Israelites will boast to me that they saved themselves by their own strength.”

Mark  Batterson writes:

“Maybe that is why God sometimes invites us to defy impossible odds.  Maybe it is one way He can show His omnipotence.  Maybe God allows the odds to be stacked against us so He can reveal more of His glory……..

Too often our prayers revolved around asking God to reduce the odds in our lives.  We want everything in our favor.  But maybe God wants to stack the odds against us so we can experience a miracle of divine proportions.  Maybe faith is trusting God no matter how impossible the odds are.  Maybe our impossible situations are opportunities to experience a new dimension of God’s glory.”

If the odds are stacked against you today, do not lose heart.  Remember Who is in control.  And, remember, He not only wants, but deserves all of the glory for your victory.


Filed under disappointment, God Stuff

We Won’t Always Understand.

I recently read this by Beth Moore and it ministered to me in such a big way.

“Life isn’t without some divine decisions that our mortal minds simply cannot comprehend.  At times, we cannot imagine why God couldn’t have just given us what we asked.  Sometimes our frustration lies in the fact that we know He could have, that He certainly had the power, but in His divine wisdom, He chose not to.  Hear this with your heart: God knows we can’t think like Him.  His ways and His thoughts simply are not ours (Isa. 55:8-9).  Sometimes the very essence of faith is trusting God in the midst of things He knows good and well we cannot comprehend.  Not that we won’t, but at times we literally cannot.”

I’m pretty dang sure God can move on my behalf any time He jolly well pleases.  So, I sometimes wonder why He doesn’t.  Why doesn’t He just say, “Yes?”

I can best relate this to growing up under my parents.  There were times they would not allow me to go off with friends.  “Oh, my life is ruined!”  Or, so I would think.

There were times they would not let me date some cutie pie.  “But, I’m in love!”  Or, so I would think.

I could go on and on and on with my disappointments from childhood.  (Just kiddin’, Mom.  Sort of.)  But, my parents loved me so much, that they refused to give me everything I wanted. 

Their thoughts were higher than my thoughts.  And, although I did not understand why, the decisions they made were the best decisions for me.  Because, they loved me.

I can see it in my own children.  “Why can’t I climb this fence, Mom?”  My Anna will ask.  “Because, you will get hurt,” I try my darndest to explain.  “I won’t!  I promise!”

She doesn’t understand why I tell her no.  She doesn’t comprehend that I love her so much that I will even upset her in the short run, so she can experience a more abundant life in the long run.

You might be waiting for God to move on your behalf right now.  You may not understand what in the Sam Hill is taking Him so long.  But know He loves you oh so very much.  His thoughts are higher than your thoughts. 

And, finally, remember this:

Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.  Psalm 30:5


Filed under disappointment, God Stuff, parenting

Across the Atlantic – Part Two

“The days after were a blur,” Andrew recalls.  He spent the next several days communicating with the police on the accident.  Next, making plans for his family’s funeral became his main focus.  He wanted it to be perfect and everything they would have wanted.  He said, “It made me feel I was in control of something, because everything else was out of my control.”

Eight of his friends helped Andrew organize, rotated on staying with him – even for his 3:00AM daily walks.   While making preparations for the funeral, one of his friends visited the local flower shop.  When the florist inquired on what he wanted, his response was, “I don’t know.  I am a man.  But, I want it like Elton John.  I want (insert your own explicative here) flowers everywhere!”

Andrew still laughs about that.  He said during that time, he had never cried more.  But, there were also times, he had never laughed as much.  I believe that laughter is a part of God’s grace.  It helps you push through to the next day – and sometimes, just to the next hour.

The day of the funeral came, and Andrew said, “It was perfect.”  Stacey, Joshua, and Georgia were all three buried together in the same casket – a request Andrew had to get special permission for.  He decided it would be best if he spoke at their funeral.  “I wanted to let people know to not take anything for granted.”

“The detail that was achieved was breathtaking.  When the casket was lowered, I threw rose petals onto the casket, as I did not want the sound of dirt hitting it.  Then, three doves were released at the same time.”

Is it just me?  Or, are you sitting back right now in your comfy chair trying to soak all of this in?  Most of us probably don’t want to go there in our minds.  It’s just too much.  And, there is so much, still, that I take for granted.

You can only imagine the added grief the holidays brought for Andrew.  And, when I think about how one manages to get out of bed the next day, I cannot help but think of the grace of God. 

How often we say, “I can’t imagine….”  And, we can’t.  But, I do know that God gives His grace to us as we need it.  A grief-stricken father has been given more grace than another.  That’s why scripture says, “His grace is sufficient.”  A mother who loses her child has a different measure of grace than a mother who has never experienced such loss.  He gives us the measure of grace we need – as we need it. 

Pictured below are Stacey, Joshua & Georgia Gitsham.


To be continued…


Filed under disappointment, life, Love