Tag Archives: Marriage

November 4, 2008 · 6:00 am

There’s a new Takle in the house!

No, not this house. I do apologize for yesterday’s slack. But, I have a good excuse. Really, I do!

I thought it might be appropriate to blog on the election. Since, after all, today IS the day. But, seriously. Do you really want to see or read any more of the democratic process? Me either.

Talking ‘bout love is so much sweeter.

So, let me tell you a little story.

Once upon a time, there were two brothers.

One found love with yours truly. (That would be the one on the left.)

The other, well, we just hoped and prayed he would find that girl. (That would be the one on the right.)

After much waiting (and wondering), Dr. Takle (you KNOW that’s the one on the right) did just that. Both boy and girl traveled long roads to find love in each other. And, this fabulous girl brought with her the most beautiful package. TWO.PRECIOUS.DAUGHTERS.

She embraced him and all of his medical talk that we usually just nodded our heads to as if we comprehended every single word. He loved on her with the kind of love you read about. And, he gave two little girls a safe place to fall, a safe place to be held, and safe place to be loved.

So, the day came (that would be Sunday) for the two to become one. Tears flowed through the vows. And, before we knew it, they were a family.

It was a perfect day.

They rode off into the sunset. And, happy days are sure to follow.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dr. Leiv & Lindsey Takle. And, their two beautiful daughters, Macie and Bella.

God is good.

See? I told you I had a good excuse.

Don’t ya just love love?

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Tagged as Love, Marriage, weddings

September 16, 2008 · 6:00 am

A Candid Look Into Porn

I don’t struggle with porn personally. But, I know many do.

I struggle with the fact that pornography is something so few of us talk about. I struggle with how it has destroyed marriages, hurt children, and shattered lives.

It’s such a taboo subject that men and women don’t feel comfortable discussing their addiction to porn. Sometimes, not even with his or her accountability partner.

But, there is hope.

I want to encourage every single one of you to read Cindy Beall’s very personal story on how pornography affected her marriage. And, how God restored it.

And, remember, God’s restoration is not restoring something to as it was, but rather restoring it to what He created it to be.

Please, take the time to read Cindy’s story. Her transparency will inspire you and her testimony will give you hope.

You can also read Cindy’s book here.

We serve a God who heals, redeems, and restores.

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Filed under Marriage, Relationships, sex, Virtue

Tagged as Cindy Beall, Marriage, pornography

June 19, 2008 · 7:00 am

The Three Parts of Marriage (3 of 3)

Last but certainly not least is the physical part of marriage. Let’s talk about sex. You can exit out of this blog now, if I’ve already made you uncomfortable. I won’t be offended. As a matter of fact, I’ll never know. But, if you can handle Song of Solomon, this is a walk in the park.

1 Corinthians 7:5 says Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

I believe each couple should decide what works best for them in regards to sex – at least the how often part. I will be candid with you. I have probably turned Kris down five times in five years of marriage. This is what I have found: There are rare times that sex is kind of like exercise. I didn’t feel like doing it, but once I did, I was glad I did. But more times than not, I want to share this greatest form of intimacy with my husband. And as for the 1 Corinthians scripture that mandates us to not deprive our spouse unless we are giving ourselves to prayer? Well, Kris would rather fast food than sex. But that’s just him.

If you are a parent to young children, you know the obstacles you have to overcome to make sex happen while your children are at play. We usually tell our kids that mommy and daddy are going to talk, and then we lock the door. Our sneaky little MacGyver – you know which one I’m talkin’ about – has figured out that our car keys will unlock the door. So, what now? Hide the keys.

A big no-no in our bedroom is porn of any kind. This is probably best left for an entirely different post. But for us, we want our physical connection to be between the two of us – and no one else.

On a deeper level, physical intimacy is the unveiling of yourself to make yourself more vulnerable in a trusting and loving relationship. It creates a sense of unity. In it, you approve each other’s need to be a sexual being.

There is much more I could write on the physical part of marriage – from all of the aspects of intimacy, including obstacles to achieving it. But for the sake of time (and a really long post), I’ll leave it at that. And one thing to always remember, we cannot expect perfection in our spouse when we ourselves are imperfect.

One of the best books I’ve read on intimacy is Intimacy: A 100-Day Guide to Lasting Relationships by Douglas Weiss. If you haven’t read it, pick it up. It’s worth the read. And, it covers all three parts of marriage.

What are your thoughts? Any other book recommendations?

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Tagged as intimacy, Marriage, sex

June 18, 2008 · 7:00 am

The Three Parts of Marriage (2 of 3)

“I get so emotional baby, every time I think of you-hoo hoo, I get so emotional baby. Ain’t it shocking what love can do.” I must confess. This old Whitney Houston tune was playing in a restaurant bathroom this past Sunday. I was in there with Anna, and I was singing it like it was nobody’s business. Had someone walked in, it could’ve been really bad. Let’s talk about the emotional part of marriage.

Merriam-Webster Online defines emotion as

a: the affective aspect of consciousness: feeling b: a state of feeling c: a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body

I like the “conscious” mental reaction description. Because, to avoid having to sing, “You’ve lost that loving feeling,” I believe it takes a conscious effort.

The first thing we need to reconcile is that we are never going to have another first kiss again. And, we all know, there is nothing like that first kiss. But, if we can come to terms with this, we will be much better off.

Here are ways that Kris and I keep the home fire burning. And, I’m not referencing sex….that is tomorrow’s blog.

· We make time for each other away from the children. During these precious moments, we don’t talk about finances or other “house business.” We simply enjoy each other.

· We make a conscious effort to communicate the right way. You can read this post to learn more on how we communicate.

· We avoid situations that would make us vulnerable to directing our emotions away from each other to something or someone else.

· We make ourselves accountable to one another.

· We take time daily, even if it’s just five minutes, to connect with one another. This might include praising each other, discussing our day, making the other laugh or just holding each other’s hand. Even when Kris is on a trip, we make good use of the phone.

· When he is looking hot, I tell him!

· When I’m looking hot, he better tell me! And, when he forgets, I prompt him with an, “Ahem. Notice anything nice?” And, like it or not girls, sometimes, men need prompting.

Along the lines of communication, do everything within your power to never criticize each other. Girls, if you want your husband to fight like a warrior for you and the family, then treat him like one. Every time I make a jab a Kris, I emasculate him. But, when I praise him and assure him that he is appreciated, he draws back his bow and aims precisely. This goes both ways. Our words are powerful. They speak life or death – blessing or cursing.

If you’ve ever read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, then you know that we all receive and give love differently. To keep the emotional part of marriage working, I think it’s important to know how your partner receives love. And, how we give love is usually how we receive it. There is no right or wrong way. It’s why we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.

That’s my two cents on the emotional part. I’m sure you can add more, and I welcome it! Tomorrow, we’ll get physical….metaphorically speaking.

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Tagged as emotion, Marriage

June 17, 2008 · 7:00 am

The Three Parts of Marriage (1 of 3)

A good friend of mine just celebrated her one year anniversary. She commented that she made it through what people say is the hardest year. I understand what she meant, but I would also argue that marriage should always be hard. Not in a striving, miserable kind of way. But in a way that you exert actual effort in making it what God intended.

My dad once told me that three parts make up a marriage. He said that marriage should be one-thirds spiritual, one-thirds emotional, and one-thirds physical. In this little blog series, I’d like to share my views on the three, how they affect my marriage, where Kris and I get it right, and where we sometimes fall short. “Fall short” is for you Uncle Ken.

Now, I do not claim to be an expert on the topic. This is my second marriage, after all. And, you might be reading this thinking, “I think marriage is four parts” or “I think marriage is this” or “I think marriage is that.” Well, you might be right. Share your thoughts with me, and maybe and we’ll both learn something new.

Today, I’m going to open up the dialogue with the spiritual part of marriage.

I believe when this part is done right, two individual people can come together in an extraordinary relationship. When Kris and I first married, he didn’t feel he was a “spiritual” person since, in his mind, his spirituality was based on knowledge of the Bible. As I began to share with him that his heart for other people, his simple acts of kindness, and the way he loved John Henry and I made him as spiritual as one can get, his understanding of it changed.

Kris and I don’t daily sit down and read God’s Word together. So, perhaps, we fall short here. But when I read a scripture that really grabs a hold of my heart, he is the first person I share it with. When we pray together, it is always me praying out loud. And, regardless of your thoughts on this, I am okay with it. I’ll never forget in our first year of marriage we were lying in bed, and I wasn’t feeling well. I leaned over and asked him to pray for me. He said, “Okay.” But after about 3 minutes of silence, I reacted, “Kris, pray for me!”

“I am! You just interrupted me!” He responded.

I couldn’t help but chuckle then, and I still get a kick out of that story today. While, I am comfortable praying aloud, Kris would rather not. However, he always prays aloud for our children. And, that’s what matters most to me.

But, I know he prays. He will often tell me what God is showing him about our family, about our business, and about our children. And, I can’t tell you the number of times that we both came together and shared something we felt God was showing us to do, and it was the same thing. That’s when the relationship becomes extraordinary – at least to me.

I respect Kris as the spiritual leader of our home. And, he respects what God shows me. And, while marriage offers the best place for raising children and offering companionship, it also offers the opportunity to learn valuable spiritual lessons of love, compassion, and commitment. It provides a place to live as Christ-followers. It is where God is considered in every decision. It is where as individuals, we live as God has called us to live – and when we come together, God is glorified.

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Tagged as Marriage, spirituality

April 24, 2008 · 7:00 am

I know this man.

I know this man who loves deeply. He is selfless. He loves his family like no other. He is patient when he takes his daughter fishing and she pees while sitting on the bank. He will interrupt a busy day to take his son flying in a little red Cessna. When his wife shares her fears and stresses of life, he responds with a heartfelt, “What can I do?” He travels to make provision possible, but when he is home, he is all there.

That merits repeating….he is ALL there.

He is funny. I mean really funny. His heart is golden.

He is a loyal friend. He is an even better daddy. As a husband, he beats all.

I’m on my annual girls trip, and my thoughts are on him. But, my thoughts are on him every day. Sappy, I know. I like sappy sometimes. Casey, would you please play “I Know What Love Is” by Celine Dion?

My dear friend, Jenny, sang this in our wedding. These words ring more true today than they did August 16, 2003:

I will fall
And you will catch me always
Time has taught me this
I will fly
And you’ll be there to guide me
Straight up to my heart’s highest wish
I feel you close to me
And I know what love is

I know this man. I’m so blessed that I do.

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Tagged as Love, Marriage