Category Archives: Love

Across the Atlantic – Part Two


“The days after were a blur,” Andrew recalls.  He spent the next several days communicating with the police on the accident.  Next, making plans for his family’s funeral became his main focus.  He wanted it to be perfect and everything they would have wanted.  He said, “It made me feel I was in control of something, because everything else was out of my control.”

Eight of his friends helped Andrew organize, rotated on staying with him – even for his 3:00AM daily walks.   While making preparations for the funeral, one of his friends visited the local flower shop.  When the florist inquired on what he wanted, his response was, “I don’t know.  I am a man.  But, I want it like Elton John.  I want (insert your own explicative here) flowers everywhere!”

Andrew still laughs about that.  He said during that time, he had never cried more.  But, there were also times, he had never laughed as much.  I believe that laughter is a part of God’s grace.  It helps you push through to the next day – and sometimes, just to the next hour.

The day of the funeral came, and Andrew said, “It was perfect.”  Stacey, Joshua, and Georgia were all three buried together in the same casket – a request Andrew had to get special permission for.  He decided it would be best if he spoke at their funeral.  “I wanted to let people know to not take anything for granted.”

“The detail that was achieved was breathtaking.  When the casket was lowered, I threw rose petals onto the casket, as I did not want the sound of dirt hitting it.  Then, three doves were released at the same time.”

Is it just me?  Or, are you sitting back right now in your comfy chair trying to soak all of this in?  Most of us probably don’t want to go there in our minds.  It’s just too much.  And, there is so much, still, that I take for granted.

You can only imagine the added grief the holidays brought for Andrew.  And, when I think about how one manages to get out of bed the next day, I cannot help but think of the grace of God. 

How often we say, “I can’t imagine….”  And, we can’t.  But, I do know that God gives His grace to us as we need it.  A grief-stricken father has been given more grace than another.  That’s why scripture says, “His grace is sufficient.”  A mother who loses her child has a different measure of grace than a mother who has never experienced such loss.  He gives us the measure of grace we need – as we need it. 

Pictured below are Stacey, Joshua & Georgia Gitsham.

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To be continued…

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Filed under disappointment, life, Love

Across the Atlantic – Part One


This series of posts will no doubt be the hardest I’ve written thus far.  The subject is difficult.  And, the story is real.  This is the story of my dear friend, Andrew Gitsham.  And, with his permission, I’m telling it to you. 

I’ve known Andrew for more than twenty years.  A true Brit from Worcestershire, England, he came over to the States as a teenager to experience American life for a couple of years.  That is when he became a part of my life and the lives of a few of my friends.  We always enjoyed Andrew – even his British confidence became endearing.  And, the fact that he thinks he speaks “English” while I speak “American” is…..well, let’s just say it’s tolerable.  When he left to go back to England, we kept in touch, albeit infrequently.

I visited him in England in 1994 then again in 1998.  It was my last visit that he introduced me to Stacey.

Stacey was a beautiful girl who stole Andrew’s heart – a feat many of us doubted would happen.  Andrew has always loved life – living it as large as any human being possibly can.  So, settling down just didn’t seem in his blood, if you will.  Much to my surprise, this handsome Englishman finally tied the knot with Stacey in 2001.  On June 27, 2003, they gave birth to Joshua (the namesake of a mutual precious friend who had passed away in 1998.)  Two years later on September 19, 2005, a baby girl made them a family of four.  They named her Georgia – a name reminiscent of Andrew’s time spent there. 

Andrew had become a real, live family man.  And, he could not have been happier.  He could not have been more fulfilled.  But, on December 8, 2005, his life changed forever.

On a Thursday afternoon, Stacey, his two year old son, and his 11 week old baby girl, were all killed when their car burst into flames after having been hit by a truck on England’s A1.  At that moment, everything was taken from him.  In one brief moment, his worst nightmare stared him cold in the face.

I learned of Andrew’s loss three days later.  I remember going out for a family lunch that Sunday afternoon and being filled with grief for him.  I looked across at my own three year old and 1 year old and tried to imagine what that kind of loss feels like. 

But, I couldn’t. 

I don’t think any of us really can.  To even put ourselves there mentally is too much.  Just trying to wrap my brain around that kind of devastation makes me grasp for my own breath.

Shortly after, I finally spoke with Andrew on the phone.  “Dusty, we were so very happy,” I recall him telling me.

The days that followed would not be easy ones.  And, you can imagine the days where he wondered what there was left to strive for.

But, he kept striving anyway.

To be continued…

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Filed under disappointment, life, Love

God Bless Barack Obama.


Perhaps, your candidate won.  Or, maybe he didn’t.  This is the not the post I had written for today.  But, I cannot in good conscience post anything else.

It’s 11:26 PM CST, 4 November 2008.  I am sitting up with the television on overflowing with so many different emotions. 

When I picked up John Henry from school today, I told him I needed to go vote.  He said, “John McCain already won!”  The school apparently held a mock election allowing him to circle his choice for president.   Upon hearing the talk of other Kindergarteners, he told me that “Barack Obama is a bad man.”  Later, he told me that another friend told him that “Barack Obama kills babies.”

You can imagine the necessary discussion with my six year old that ensued.  I assured him that Barack Obama was not a bad man.  And, that if elected president, we would pray for him and his family, always speaking blessings. 

So, John Henry sat down and wrote a letter to President Elect Barack Obama.  In that letter, he prayed for him.  “God bless Barack Obama and his family….,” he went on to read to me.  From that point on, he began pulling for Obama in the election.  And, although I was a McCain supporter, I supported my six year old’s choice. 

John Henry watched the polls with me.  He asked questions.  “Can I become president when I grow up?” 

“You can be anything you want.” I said, hearing my own mother’s voice.

“Or, I could be a cooker.  I’m a good cooker, too.”

“Yes, you are.”  I assured him.

What a day for the African-American race.  What a day for African-American mothers who can look at their sons and daughters and say with bold confidence, “You can be anything you want.”

I have read many responses to this country’s newly elected president.  Many are concerned for our country’s direction.  I don’t worry for one second about this great country.  We are a praying nation. 

Today is a day to unite as Americans.  To pray.  To bless  President Elect Barack Obama.  To speak life.  Let’s not forget the power of our words.  And, let’s not forget that God is on the throne. 

And, above all else, let’s teach our children to love one another – not matter what side of the aisle we’re on.

Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another.  Romans 13:8

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Filed under Love, Motherhood, Randomness

There’s a new Takle in the house!


No, not this house.  I do apologize for yesterday’s slack.  But, I have a good excuse.  Really, I do! 

I thought it might be appropriate to blog on the election.  Since, after all, today IS the day.  But, seriously.  Do you really want to see or read any more of the democratic process?  Me either.

Talking ‘bout love is so much sweeter. 

So, let me tell you a little story.

Once upon a time, there were two brothers.

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One found love with yours truly.  (That would be the one on the left.) 

The other, well, we just hoped and prayed he would find that girl.  (That would be the one on the right.)

After much waiting (and wondering), Dr. Takle (you KNOW that’s the one on the right) did just that.  Both boy and girl traveled long roads to find love in each other.  And, this fabulous girl brought with her the most beautiful package.  TWO.PRECIOUS.DAUGHTERS.

She embraced him and all of his medical talk that we usually just nodded our heads to as if we comprehended every single word.  He loved on her with the kind of love you read about.  And, he gave two little girls a safe place to fall, a safe place to be held, and safe place to be loved.

So, the day came (that would be Sunday) for the two to become one.  Tears flowed through the vows.  And, before we knew it, they were a family.

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It was a perfect day. 

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They rode off into the sunset.  And, happy days are sure to follow.

 

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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dr. Leiv & Lindsey Takle.  And, their two beautiful daughters, Macie and Bella.

God is good.

See?  I told you I had a good excuse.

Don’t ya just love love?

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Guest Blog – Brittany Thoms: “Free Throw Shot”


I’ve known Brittany (B Shaw) Thoms since she was a tot.  Throughout Britt’s adolescent years, she considered me a mentor.  Now, we mentor each other.  You’d be hard pressed to find another girl with greater passion for Jesus.  And, I couldn’t be more blessed to call her my friend.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Brittany Thoms.

“Free Throw Shot” by Brittany Thoms

It’s hard to imagine thinking the way God thinks.

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts [higher] than your thoughts. – Isaiah 55:9

But I feel like every now and then, God gives us glimpses of what it really means to be made in His likeness. Parents know this very well and as a soon-to-be mom (November), I’m crazy excited about learning more about God through my son. J

In his book, “In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day,” Mark Batterson writes:

One of my most memorable moments as a parent happened during my son Parker’s rookie season in little league basketball. His team hadn’t won a single game all season … [and Parker] had a 98 percent air-ball percentage from the free-throw line.

So Parker got fouled and went to the free throw line. And to be perfectly honest, I felt bad at first because I knew my son had a 98 percent chance of being embarrassed. But I prayed like it was the day of Pentecost! I wish I could say that I prayed that Parker would make the free throw, but I didn’t have that much faith. I just prayed that he would hit the rim. But Parker stepped up to the free throw line and renewed my faith in the power of prayer. Parker defied the odds and made the first free throw of his career.

                And I cried.

There is tremendous joy in watching someone achieve greatness.  Why do parents rejoice when their children do something right?  Why do moms carry around “brag books?”  Because, our Heavenly Father is no exception.  Don’t you think God rejoices all the time when His children operate in the gifts He placed inside of them?

The other side of this coin is sorrow.  I think of God more and more every time I consciously forgive someone.  Forgiveness isn’t second nature.  It hurts.  And what’s worse?  We are constantly reminded of our wounds and have to forgive the same person for the same thing multiple times – whether it was 20 years or 20 days ago.

And I think, “Wow. God, you REALLY love us … because we do stupid things that hurt you all the time.”

Consider this:

                My sins nailed Jesus to a cross.

                I bet that hurt REAL bad.

                Yet, He still loves me.

                Wow.

So, when I’m reminded of wounds where others have scarred me, I think of the scars on Jesus and how it drives His love for us to an even deeper level:  unconditional.  And when I catch someone being great, I’m equally reminded how much God gets excited over us.

But most of all … I want to love like Jesus loves.

 

 

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Filed under God Stuff, Love

What Kind?

Well, our weekend went off spectacularly.  John Henry played his first soccer game, and he thought the tumble and roll was the best part of the game.  Here he is before the uniform needed a good washing.

 

We were pretty certain this girl here was our ringer.

Not so much.

Anyhoo, the start of Takle/Landreth sports has begun.  And, we couldn’t be more excited or proud.

Anna, much like her momma, kicked it back and soaked it all in.

As I gave John Henry one of his birthday gifts, I told him it was from his Dad.

His response and, no doubt, quote of the weekend, “What kind?”

In other words, which dad?

We all laughed at our not so normal life.

People often ask us how we do what we do.  How do Kris and Bryan do dinner together, laugh together, and share the joys of one amazing boy together?  I don’t know that I ever explain it all very well.  This is what I do know:

– After Bryan and I separated (and I was pregnant with John Henry), I prayed several scriptures over Bryan’s life.  (Thank you, Bob and LaRue McDaniel, for your amazing book, “Pray the Word”.)

– I chose forgiveness. 

– I married a man who not only loves me, but loves John Henry so much that he loves Bryan, too.

– I took ownership in “my stuff.”

– I thank God every day that His mercies are new every morning.

Because, I need them.  We all need them.  And, I know that I know that I know, that I am nothing without Him. 

What kind of dad?  The kind that loves.

Aren’t you glad our heavenly Father loves us no matter what?

 

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Filed under divorce, Love, parenting

Loving the hard to love.


I like surrounding myself with fun people.  I often avoid those who carry a lot of emotional baggage such as bitterness, addictions, or depression.  I avoid people who aren’t nice.  Let’s face it.  Life is short.  Why waste a perfectly great night out with people who don’t seem to “fit in”?  After all, those babysitters aren’t cheap.  Why invite them into my home only to watch the clock and wonder when they are going to go back to their house?  Why return their calls?  Respond to their e-mails?  They never seem to listen to my advice anyway.  They are still going to hold onto their stuff like it’s a sack full She Takes the Cake’s “Chocolate Therapy”.  And, my condolences to you poor souls who’ve never tasted that little bit of heaven.

I like fun people. 

But, Jesus said love your enemies.  Now, I don’t consider the people described above as enemies.  But, if God wants us to love our enemies, I’d bet he means them, too.

This kind of love isn’t easy, is it?  The Apostle Paul wrote, “I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding” (Philippians 1:9, NLT).  This means that as we get to know Jesus – and understand who He is more and more, that this kind of love will grow.  Not overnight.  It’s a lifelong process.

I think the first thing to remember is that we ourselves are in desperate need of a Savior.  That we, too, fall short and fall short often.  Pride sets in when we don’t realize how God loves us in spite of our failures and short-comings.  And, we all know that pride and love mix about as well as oil and water.  But, when we see that we all need His grace, then we become less judgmental.  And, loving the not so fun people becomes easier.

Who did Jesus chill out with when He walked the earth?  Well, not the self-righteous Pharisees.  Nope.  Not a one.  He kicked it back with prostitutes, stinking fishermen and even the I.R.S. of the day.  And, we are called to love just as He loved. 

It doesn’t mean it’s an easy endeavor.  But, we have the Holy Spirit within us.  And, that empowers us to love with the love that lives within us.  As a child of God, that kind of love is our inheritance.

One day, I might even share my “Chocolate Therapy” with the not so fun people. 

I’m just kidding.  I don’t even share that with my friends.

Do you struggle loving the hard to love? 

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Turning off the tube.


I love television.  I love the internet even more.  More times than not, the television is turned off for dinner in our home.  However, that and the internet can take center stage a lot of evenings post dinner.  Last night was different. 

I visited friends and their four children.  Something really cool happened when the television was powered off.  Not one, but all four of their children joined us in the family room. 

And, we talked.

The ages of these children range from 11 to 18.  Yet, each one put aside their usual adolescent joys to join their parents and two other adults.  (Suddenly referring to myself as an adult seems bizarre.)  Anyhoo….

They weren’t instructed to congregate.  They just did.  And, how precious it must have been for their parents to have a moment of uninterrupted time with their children…..and me, of course J

I think I’m going to turn the tube off more often in my own home.  And, I shudder to say, even the world wide web.  Because, at the end of the day, I will forget that ridiculously funny Seinfeld rerun and the latest news reported by cnn.com. 

But I will hold tightly to my heart every word spoken, every joke made, every high five, every glance, every confession, every life discovery, every God moment, and every touch between my husband and two children. 

And, while right now my family time consists of fireplace stage performances of “I Had a Little Turtle” and transformations of my little autobot, I know I’m building a foundation that will enable us to not only do life together – but also share in it.

John Henry and Anna, I pray that in these moments together that “Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.  18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.”  Ephesians 3:17-18

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The Three Parts of Marriage (3 of 3)


Last but certainly not least is the physical part of marriage.  Let’s talk about sex.  You can exit out of this blog now, if I’ve already made you uncomfortable.  I won’t be offended.  As a matter of fact, I’ll never know.  But, if you can handle Song of Solomon, this is a walk in the park.

1 Corinthians 7:5 says Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

I believe each couple should decide what works best for them in regards to sex – at least the how often part.  I will be candid with you.  I have probably turned Kris down five times in five years of marriage.  This is what I have found:    There are rare times that sex is kind of like exercise.  I didn’t feel like doing it, but once I did, I was glad I did.  But more times than not, I want to share this greatest form of intimacy with my husband.  And as for the 1 Corinthians scripture that mandates us to not deprive our spouse unless we are giving ourselves to prayer?  Well, Kris would rather fast food than sex.  But that’s just him.

If you are a parent to young children, you know the obstacles you have to overcome to make sex happen while your children are at play.  We usually tell our kids that mommy and daddy are going to talk, and then we lock the door.  Our sneaky little MacGyver – you know which one I’m talkin’ about – has figured out that our car keys will unlock the door.  So, what now?  Hide the keys.

A big no-no in our bedroom is porn of any kind.  This is probably best left for an entirely different post.  But for us, we want our physical connection to be between the two of us – and no one else. 

On a deeper level, physical intimacy is the unveiling of yourself to make yourself more vulnerable in a trusting and loving relationship.  It creates a sense of unity.  In it, you approve each other’s need to be a sexual being.

There is much more I could write on the physical part of marriage – from all of the aspects of intimacy, including obstacles to achieving it.  But for the sake of time (and a really long post), I’ll leave it at that.  And one thing to always remember, we cannot expect perfection in our spouse when we ourselves are imperfect.

One of the best books I’ve read on intimacy is Intimacy: A 100-Day Guide to Lasting Relationships by Douglas Weiss.  If you haven’t read it, pick it up.  It’s worth the read.  And, it covers all three parts of marriage.

What are your thoughts?  Any other book recommendations? 

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The Three Parts of Marriage (2 of 3)


“I get so emotional baby, every time I think of you-hoo hoo, I get so emotional baby.  Ain’t it shocking what love can do.”
  I must confess.  This old Whitney Houston tune was playing in a restaurant bathroom this past Sunday.  I was in there with Anna, and I was singing it like it was nobody’s business.  Had someone walked in, it could’ve been really bad.  Let’s talk about the emotional part of marriage.

Merriam-Webster Online defines emotion as

a: the affective aspect of consciousness: feeling b: a state of feeling c: a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body

I like the “conscious” mental reaction description.  Because, to avoid having to sing, “You’ve lost that loving feeling,” I believe it takes a conscious effort.

The first thing we need to reconcile is that we are never going to have another first kiss again.  And, we all know, there is nothing like that first kiss.  But, if we can come to terms with this, we will be much better off.

Here are ways that Kris and I keep the home fire burning.  And, I’m not referencing sex….that is tomorrow’s blog.

·      We make time for each other away from the children.  During these precious moments, we don’t talk about finances or other “house business.”  We simply enjoy each other.

·      We make a conscious effort to communicate the right way.  You can read this post to learn more on how we communicate.

·      We avoid situations that would make us vulnerable to directing our emotions away from each other to something or someone else. 

·      We make ourselves accountable to one another.

·      We take time daily, even if it’s just five minutes, to connect with one another.  This might include praising each other, discussing our day, making the other laugh or just holding each other’s hand.  Even when Kris is on a trip, we make good use of the phone. 

·      When he is looking hot, I tell him!

·      When I’m looking hot, he better tell me!  And, when he forgets, I prompt him with an, “Ahem.  Notice anything nice?”  And, like it or not girls, sometimes, men need prompting. 

Along the lines of communication, do everything within your power to never criticize each other.  Girls, if you want your husband to fight like a warrior for you and the family, then treat him like one.  Every time I make a jab a Kris, I emasculate him.  But, when I praise him and assure him that he is appreciated, he draws back his bow and aims precisely.  This goes both ways.  Our words are powerful.  They speak life or death – blessing or cursing.

If you’ve ever read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, then you know that we all receive and give love differently.  To keep the emotional part of marriage working, I think it’s important to know how your partner receives love.  And, how we give love is usually how we receive it.  There is no right or wrong way.  It’s why we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. 

That’s my two cents on the emotional part.  I’m sure you can add more, and I welcome it!  Tomorrow, we’ll get physical….metaphorically speaking.

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