February 9, 2011 · 5:00 am

Reaching the Heart of My Girl.

Well.  I would love to tell you all that I have not complained.  And, perhaps, I could tell you exactly that if it weren’t for a six year old who makes Carrie Bradshaw’s wardrobe choices look ordinary.  It’s really not the fact that she wanted to wear her green and blue striped shirt with the hood under her blue and black shirt with a peace sign under her gray and pink shirt she wore the day before.  Really, it’s not.  Okay, well, the repeat of the day before shirt did get to me a little.  But, it was the time it took her to put this envious fashion statement together. 

Coupled with the fact that she completely ignored my instruction to brush her hair, her teeth, and put on socks and shoes. 

Because, no momma wants her children to be late for school.  Otherwise, she will have to park her car, and walk into the school.  With her disheveled hair.  And, scary, pasty face.  And, faded yoga pants that have never seen a day of yoga.   

So, can I be really transparent here without judgment?  K.  Thanks.

I always feel like parenting my boys is easy.  While, Anna seems to push every single button on my 5 foot 3 body.  I overuse phrases like “she wears me out.”  I find it easy to acknowledge how incredibly bright she is, but I find it difficult to appreciate the things that make her different.

And, for this?  I’m disappointed in myself as a mother.  I’m reminded of that mirror again.  So, I ask myself, “What is it in me makes me respond to my daughter the way I do?” 

Do I feel that I lose some sort of control when she chooses differently from me?

Do I feel that I will look like a bad mother if she says something that I would never say to another person? 

What is it in me?  What is keeping me from embracing her whole self? 

So, it’s back to the mirror I go.

I only have one daughter.  And, I love her with everything inside of me.  Does she feel that love?  I was wondering this very thing Monday night, so I took advantage of the Five Love Languages assessment for children. 

Anna’s primary love language?  Quality time with physical touch coming in at a close second.  I’m sure Anna loves to hear me tell her how brilliant I think she is.  But, it seems, she needs my time and my touch more than anything else.  This is how she receives love best. 

Dusty Takle needs to simmer down.  Look into the mirror.  And, then give her daughter what she needs from her. 

I need to give her what she needs now, so she will come to me later. 

And, look at the sheer fun this girl brings to the table.

Besides, I’ve heard stories of a little girl who also challenged her mother about, well, about everything.  She grew up and married a pilot and had three children of her own. 

Y’all do me a favor and remind me of this post tomorrow morning when we are getting ready for school.  And, my apologies to the neighbors for what they may or may not have heard yesterday morning. 

Selah.

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February 7, 2011 · 5:00 am

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall.

I love how the morning my article on relationships is published in The Grip and the morning after I attend a relationship class, I have a rather heated encounter with my husband.  And, I don’t mean the physical touch, love language kind of encounter.  I’m talking about the let’s find every wrong way to communicate to your spouse kind of encounter. 

It all started with this question:  “Is the bug man here?”  And, yes, by bug man I mean exterminator.  We are a sophisticated bunch in the Takle household. 

No need in spilling every pitiful detail of how I thought Kris responded to my inquiry.  Orrrr, how I received his answer.  But, it would be later in the evening before we would resolve our marital dilemma.

Joey Grubbs, our relationship guru, had shared only the night before how we need to look in the mirror when we find ourselves dealing with issues in our relationships.  I don’t think he meant for me to say, I don’t know, “Kris, Joey says you need to look in the mirror!”  I mean, I don’t think he said that.  I certainly wouldn’t have translated it that way….on a normal, non-hormonal kind of day. 

Once I invited God into my day, I finally looked in the mirror for myself.  What is it in me that made me receive Kris’ answer the way I received it?  Why was I so offended?  Later, Kris and I were able to sit down and talk about the unfortunate dialogue of that morning.  I was able to share how I knew my response just wasn’t a good one.  I was also able to share what I need from him in those situations.  And, he was able to receive it.

I’ve always been quite the self-assessor.  But, I’m learning the importance even more of looking at myself in the mirror.  And, asking simple questions like, “What is it in me that makes me feel or react a certain way?”  Actually, I need to look in the mirror for ALL of my relationships.  Once I do, I must line up those things that aren’t right with God’s Word.  Because, His Word is the best litmus test for how we are responding to and receiving from others. 

So, here’s to the confessions of a writer on relationships. 

I’m still growing.  And, from the looks of that girl staring back at me in the mirror, I have a lot more growing to do. 

Thankful for a patient husband.  And, an even more patient Father.

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February 2, 2011 · 5:00 am

The NCML Project – Day One.

How did y’all do with the NCML Project yesterday?  I had already failed twice before my breakfast had digested. 

Me:  “Gah!  I hate pop-ups on the internet!”

Kris:  “Sooo, are you complaining?”

Busted.

The morning progresses, and I talk to my mom on the phone.   I might complain a little, and I might say something like, “I might just quit (I ain’t tellin’ y’all this part.)  My momma later sends me this text:

“God said to not let the word ‘quit’ go through your head.  You are where He wants you.  And, you need to read my friend’s blog today at dustytakle.com.”

She also added, “I love you” at the end to try to lessen the sting, I’m sure.

Complaining is a really bad habit.  And, apparently, I complain A LOT.  We don’t think we are complaining.  But, a mere sigh of exasperation is a complaint, ya know?  This NCML Project isn’t going to be easy.  And, Kris Takle LOVES making me accountable for it.  But, I’m not quitting.  It takes 30 days to form a habit, right?  Is it still 30 days?  I don’t know.  Anyhoo, I’m going to keep it up until the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart is pleasing to my Creator.  Amen.

Another good way to overcome complaining?  To focus on the blessings and gifts in your life.  I mean, how could anyone complain when they get to witness moments like this on any given day?

A sweet, little, punkin boy (with his four-legged buddy) watching his daddy clean up a Little Tikes car that has stood the test of time. 

Let’s focus on our blessings today.  Maybe, that’ll help?

And, don’t worry, I’m not going to be titling every post The NCML Project Day Whatever.  That would be torture.  Not that you’d complain about it or anything.

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February 1, 2011 · 8:21 am

Do Everthing Without This.

A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.  Luke 6:45

What I say flows from what is in my heart.  Sometimes, the awareness of this hurts my feelings.  I like to think I am that good person mentioned in Luke above.  But, there are times when it is evident from the words I let fall from my lips that my heart needs a serious cleansing. 

Such words that break other people down or judgmental words are obvious checks into our heart.  But, there are other words that may seem less obvious that our heart needs an adjustment.   

Like what?  I’m glad you asked!  Like COMPLAINING WORDS. 

I’m guilty of some occasional complaining.  I might complain about my to-do list.  I might complain about the weather.  I might complain to husband about his entire pilot gear unpacked on my kitchen counter.  I might complain about a lot of things.  Scripture tells us that complaining offends the heart of God.  Yikes!

How often do I offend God’s heart? 

How often do you? 

I’m pretty sure when Paul wrote in Philippians to do everything without complaining or arguing, he meant EVERYTHING. 

There really is no way of getting out of this one. 

So, starting today, I’m going to try to go 28 days without complaining about a SINGLE thing.  I would like for you all to join me in this No Complaining in the Month of Love project, also known as the NCML Project.  I just made that up.  I’m going with it. 

And, you’re welcome, Kris Takle.

Feel free to hold me accountable.  Just don’t get upset if I complain about you calling me out.

Who’s in?

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January 26, 2011 · 5:00 am

Dancing In the Sun with High Blood Pressure. (The Lamest Title Yet.)

Sorry, y’all, I didn’t post yesterday.  I thought I might be dying of the high blood pressure.  Okay, I really didn’t think I was dying.  But, I was like, “What the?  I’m only a mere babe!”  Rightttt.

I know people who know people who know people, so I got into the doctor ASAP.  The doc was like, “That’s high.”  Then, he said some other really smart things that doctors say.  The good doctor put me on some diuretic that should deplete my body of salt and such…the such being potassium, my nurse cousin has told me.  Good news is I may lose a pound or three.  Of water.  Whatev’.  I blame the Reverend and Big Mama for these genetics.  Of course, Big Mama is almost 92 and smarter and sweeter than ever.  I’ll take the high BP if I can be chillin’ like her 55 years from now.

Other good news is that I can now explain away shopping (a.k.a. retail THERAPY) and frequent massages as stress-reducing, blood pressure lowering necessities.  It’s the same as a really expensive prescription.  And, I also tend to make jokes with things that may or may not be serious, because, that’s just what I do.  With all of you. 

It’s my momma I cry to. 

For real. 

In more exciting news.

I attended the Sundance Film Festival in Park City this past weekend with my foxy pilot.  I did feel a wee bit like, well, like crap, while there due to a constant headache that was fueled by…high blood pressure?  Anyhoo.  I still had fun, nonetheless.   Because, I was among the stars, people.  And, that’s what you do.

Susan Sarandon was at baggage claim with me.  She acted like she didn’t even know me. 

Here’s how it plays out.  You stand in line for an hour.  You enter a theater and the film is usually introduced by the director.  After viewing the film, the cast enters the stage for a little Q and A.  It’s very cool.  I shan’t lie.  Our first film of the festival was The Future.  A cat narrated parts of the film.  It. Was. Odd.  I did laugh out loud in some parts.  I caught wind of Kris telling a fellow Sundancer that the movie was “artistic.”  In other words, it sucked.  (Sorry, Mom.) 

The next film featured Paul Giamatti.  I have always loved him as an actor.  The film was called Win Win.  Great movie.  Paul?  I’m not gonna lie.  He’s an odd one.  I suppose the brilliant ones are?  No?  Well, he most certainly acted like he didn’t even know me.  The nerve.

Absolute favorite movie of the weekend was The Music Never Stopped.  J.K. Simmons and Lou Taylor Pucci starred alongside Julia Ormond, who just so happened to wear the most awesome boots ever.  So awesome, that even Kris Takle said, “Now those are some really cute boots.”  And, yes.  I am most certain he said BOOTS.  Gah.  For the record, I had never heard the name J.K. Simmons.  He just happens to be one of those actors that you don’t know his name but recognize his face.  He totally acted like he knew me.  And everyone else there.  Super friendly guy.  I like him and shall keep up with his career because of how he embraced his audience. 

I have experienced things in life where I thought, “Alright.  Been there, done that.”  But Sundance?  I will go every opportunity I get.  Even if I’m not one of those artsy-type people who talked about the “poetic expression” of some movie while standing in line.  I, on the other hand, used words like, “that was so freakin’ cool!”  I know.  I am so sophisticated. 

I’ll leave you with a few pics from Sundance.  Have a great day, friends.

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January 24, 2011 · 9:54 am

Busy. Busy. Busy.

It’s Monday.  I know what you’re thinking.  Busy week ahead!

Someone will ask you today, “How have you been?”

You will answer, “You know, just busy, busy!”

Kris and I recently had this discussion about how often we answer people with, “Man, busy burning holes in the skies.”  (Okay, he answers that way, I don’t.)  I answer, “Just staying busy with three kids!”

We talked about how socially acceptable it is to make sure people know you’re busy.   Kris commented, “You never hear anyone respond, ‘Man, I’ve got too much money and too many friends!’ or ‘I’m resting and taking it easy every chance I get!’”  It’s also uncommon to hear, “Just trying to spend as much time as I can with the people in my life.”  Or, “Enjoying time with the Father and growing closer to Him!”

Instead, we say we’re busy.

Many of us are busy.  Too busy.  Others of us, me included, equate busy with things we should be embarrassed about.  Especially considering modern day conveniences.  Remember, my dishwasher washes my dishes, unlike Big Mama who uses her hands.  I know, right?  And, I have this really cool thing that I can throw my wet, clean clothes in and just walk away.  One hour later?  They are dry!

When I’m burnin’ slap up in my house, I turn on this little unit thingy that blows cold air!  Oh, and I don’t need to go chop wood.  I turn on a switch and voila! I have a fire! 

What is that John Henry?  You want to know how fast a Cheetah can run?  Well, let’s go to the local library and look it up!  Um, no.  Thank you, World Wide Web. 

Want to cook some eggs, Big Mama?  You don’t have to go the chicken coop any more.  Let me take you to Piggly Wiggly.  Although, your eggs from the chicken coop were much healthier, I am certain.

My Anna needs a new dress to wear.  Let me run to the market and pick up material, so I can get started making her one.  Or, I don’t leave my warm home, and I order not one, but three new dresses from OldNavy.com, and guess what?  They ship them to me! 

I really don’t know busy.  Not the kind of busy mothers knew generations before me.

I am spoiled. 

I wonder what Big Mama thinks when I say I’m busy?    

Oh, and a cheetah can run 70 miles an hour.  I know.  I just Googled it.

Okay.  Gotta run.  Busy day ahead.

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January 19, 2011 · 5:00 am

The Pastor.

We picked up our wings.  That’s code for there is some football game thing, and I need food to bear through it.  Sorry, Falcons fans.  No.  Really.  Sorry.  Anyhoo, a very good friend of mine (who is also my hair stylist which is code for VERY good friend) sent me a text to pray for her baby boy.  Poor thing had slipped out of his big sister’s hands, hit his noggin’, and scared his momma to pieces.  ‘Cause we mommas are good at getting scared to pieces.

I called her back immediately and prayed with her over the phone.  Then, I knew I couldn’t just sit and wait on her to call me back from the Emergency Room.  And, after I told Dad what was going on, he got all, “Um, I’m there pastor, I need to be there.”  So, off we went together.

I watched Dad pray for this sweet, baby boy.  Then, as we were leaving, I watched him pray for someone else. 

It was an elderly lady waiting to be checked after a fall.

“Has anyone prayed for you?”  He asked her.

“No, sir,” she told him.

So, he prayed.

As we drove away, Dad said something to me that has stayed with me.

“One of the greatest joys of being a pastor and doing what I do is getting to pray for people.”

I’ve never heard Dad say, one of the greatest joys of being a pastor is growing the largest church.  Although, I know that changed lives matter to him. 

But, I know that people matter to him most. 

I left that hospital with a full heart and a holy perspective on what it means to be a pastor. 

I hope I still say after 35 years in ministry, I GET to pray for people.

As for the sweet, baby boy?  He is just fine.  And, that scared momma?  Well, I don’t even think she noticed the Falcons lost.

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January 18, 2011 · 5:00 am

Search My Heart.

I love it when I have my blogs already typed out waiting for me to press “post.”  It’s convenient.  I do not like it when I stare at that post with a look of disgust on my face, because I know it’s really not the words that were meant to go up on the Interweb that day.

So, here I sit.  The night before you will read this entry.  With a look of disgust on my face.  Typing a new post.  A post that is much more honest for what is going on in my heart today.

You want the truth?  You can’t handle the truth! 

Sorry.  I love repeating Jack.  And, I will tell him hello for y’all this weekend when we meet for a latte at the Sundance Film Festival.  I’m not at all excited about that.

Okay.  Back to the truth.  The truth is.  I question my thoughts often.  I turn my heart inside out searching for things that may be off a bit.  Am I judging this person?  Are my thoughts on this situation filtered through the Spirit? 

Sometimes, I come out of my heart search with a clear conscience.  Other times, I come out of it with a desperate cry for God to take whatever is not of Him and trash it.  And, replace it with right thinking.

I don’t walk in condemnation with my yuck stuff.  I release it immediately.  But, I do walk with a keen awareness of how much of my life still needs to die to Him.  I cannot tell you how many times I pray, “God, more of You.  Less of me.”  And, I have found that the best way for me to be aware of my own heart is constantly searching after His. 

I have learned that God is not a conquest.  I will not one day be done finding Him.  There is so much more to discover about who He is.  And, there is so much more of me that needs to die to Him.  Because, it is in my dying, that I live a life that brings glory to Him.  It is in my dying that I am a better wife.  A better mother.  A better friend. 

I need to die to myself today.  Again. 

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.  Psalm 139:23-24

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January 14, 2011 · 5:00 am

Who You Are.

Apparently, I am not a Libra.  And, you are not who you think you are either.  In case you missed the overnight changes in Astrology, you can read about it here.  Honestly, I am not a follower of my sign, and I’m not about to debate its legitimacy with you.  A) I’m not that smart.  B)  I really don’t care.  ALL of this to share a funny text conversation with my foxy pilot:

Me:  “You’re not a Scorpio any more.  You’re a Libra!”

Kris:  “How come?  Was I born in a different month, and my momma lied?” 

Me:  “No. The Zodiac signs shifted and changed last night.”

Kris:  “Says who?  The Zodiac Czar?”

Me:  “You are all of the Zodiac signs to me, babe.”

Kris:  “Well, I hope I’m still an Ox at the Chinese restaurant.”

I swear he makes me laugh ALL OF THE TIME. 

On a more serious note.  Some of you really aren’t who you think you are.  After yesterday’s post, I was flooded with e-mails and messages from many of you asking me to pray for you. 

I did.  And, my prayers for you did not cease last night.  When I commit to pray for you, I really do.

I can’t tell you what it did to my heart to read your hurts.  Your fears.  Your struggles.  Your what ifs.  I think what broke me most were the few who really don’t see that God wants good things for them.  And, that God’s promises are as much for them as the next person.

So, some of you really aren’t who you think you are. 

But, you ARE who GOD says you are.  And, He says He loves you so much that He watched His son suffer for you.  He says you are so valuable to Him that He knows how many hairs are on your head.  He says you are such the apple of His eye that He pursues you Himself. 

He LOVES you.  And, there is nothing you can do to change that. 

May we all run after Him the way He runs after us. 

And, have a GREAT weekend.

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January 13, 2011 · 5:00 am

What If.

I’m gonna give it to ya straight.  I know I’ve blogged on this before, and I’m sure to blog on it again.  This is me.  In my head.  Driving my Yukon.  By myself.  Because, who helps one drive?  Stupid:  “by myself.”  But, I’m leavin’ it in this post.  ‘Cause I’m so see me, love me and all.  Rabbit trail, rabbit trail.

Back to inside my  head.  I’m drivin’ yesterday afternoon.  I’m thinking about how much Kris is gone lately.  He is a pilot.  Did y’all know that?  Those pilot people fly airplanes.  Away. 

Little fears start surfacing.

What if he is gone too much too often?  What if our marriage suffers?  What if my children suffer?  What if there is another snow day, and all of my kids are home ALL DAY AND NIGHT, and I’m the only parental reinforcement around? 

What if?

As fast as those thoughts went swirling around my head, another voice calmed my stormy mind.

“I will trust You.”

And, that was the next thought that dominated my little head.

When has He ever not proved Himself to me?

You may be allowing thoughts of fear consume your mind right now.  Worry.  Doubt. 

I can throw out the Matthew 6 scripture to you about not worrying about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself.  But, honestly, that scripture has never helped me with my worry one bit.

I’m just sayin’.

Sorry, Dad.

But, I can tell you that God makes good on His promises.  I can tell you that He has made good of my ugly finances.  He has made good of my messy relationships.  He has made good of those times where I distanced myself from Him.  He has made good of those moments where I failed as a mother.  He has made good of my disappointments.  He has made good of my broken heart. 

He has made so much in my life good. 

So, what if?

I will trust Him.

And, you, my friend, can trust Him, too.

If you would like for me to pray with you today about something that has you worried or an area of your life that you really need to trust God in, comment here or email me personally at durstee@aol.com  I will pray for you today.

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