Tag Archives: forgiveness

June 15, 2011 · 5:00 am

Loving Hurt.

I’ve always heard and maintained the philosophy that sometimes you’ve gotta play hurt.  In other words, sometimes, you’ve got to play and give and serve even when you don’t feel like playing and giving and serving.  But, quite frankly, we usually WANT to play even though we are hurt.  Most athletes will continue to play their game hurt, because they are passionate about that game.  So, it’s not really that much of a sacrifice.  I mean, I’m no athlete, but I do have some pretty awesome running apparel that I wear to carpool little people. 

The real sacrifice comes in loving hurt. 

Kris is my safe place.  He is the one who understands when I don’t feel like giving or serving.  He’s the one who loves me no matter what.  That being said, it’s pretty dang easy to bow out on serving him when I’m physically or mentally exhausted or hurting.  Besides, he understands.

And, with my recent back injury, I was little good to anyone, and Kris served me without a single complaint.  He’s good like that.  He’s compassionate and understanding.  He does, however, fail to understand how accessories really do make the wardrobe.  I know, right?

But, it hit me a few days ago.

Sometimes, you’ve got to love hurt. 

I’m not just talking about loving in spite of the proverbial headache.  Well, sort of, I am.  I am talking about stepping outside of yourself. 

Outside off your physical pain. 

Outside of your emotional pain. 

Outside of your exhaustion. 

Outside of your broken heart.  

Outside of your stuff.   

And, choosing to love hurt. 

I was really tired the other night.  (It’s okay.  You can keep reading.  This doesn’t get graphic.  This is a family blog.)  I had the worst headache of all the headaches in the world.  (And, I never exaggerate.)   I looked at my husband lying beside me and this little revelation hit me:  love hurt.  So, I rubbed his back….  And, we will just leave it at that, friends.   

At that moment, I sure would have loved to fall asleep watching House Hunters and nurse my headache.  But, I knew I needed to choose him this time.  I knew I needed to love hurt. 

You see, often, the person we love the most is the person we serve the least. 

For me, it was my physical pain keeping me from loving hurt.  For you, it might be a different kind of hurt.  Loving hurt for you may look like having to forgive while hurt.  It might be loving even though your feelings are hurt.  Loving even though you are disappointed.  Loving even though you are mentally exhausted and feel like you just can’t take any more. 

Loving even though….

Because, when we do love hurt, that love never returns void.  It is never without effect.

Because, love never, ever fails. 

And, that is one certainty I know with all of my heart.

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February 14, 2011 · 5:00 am

My Funny Valentine.

Me:  Kris, you never complain about anything.

Kris:  It’s because I have a closer walk with God.

Not only is my sweet husband a contented non-complainer, he’s also very funny.  He knew he would make me laugh with his explanation of why he doesn’t complain.  Kris has an incredible ability to not let things really get to him.  He also has quite the propensity to make me laugh every day we are together. 

But, it’s his capacity to let things go….

To let hurts go.  To overlook people’s faults.  To forgive without hesitation….

It’s one of the things I love about him most. 

How often we think we cannot get over a hurt or an offense.  We internalize and dwell on them.  We want vengeance.  We want that person to know exactly how we feel.  Exactly how they’ve hurt us.  We want to hold them accountable for their words and actions. 

But, that’s just not God’s way. 

God’s way is to think of others as better than ourselves – Philippians 2:3.

God’s way is to be kind to one another and tenderhearted, forgiving them as quickly and fully as God forgave us – Ephesians 4:32.

God’s way is to never avenge ourselves – Romans 12:19.

God’s way is to love our enemies – Matthew 5:44.

God’s way is unconventional.  His way was to go to a cross and never open His mouth even to defend Himself.  His way was to take communion on the same night he was betrayed. 

The. Same. Night.

Now, Kris Takle is no saint, I tell ya.  And, he might confuse a scripture or ten, albeit, sometimes purposefully, because he knows it’ll make me laugh.  But, he gets that God’s way stuff on letting things go pretty dadgum good. 

Kris, thank you for being such an incredible example of God’s love.  You continue to inspire and push me to do things God’s way while still giving me room to grow.  I might be able to quote 1 Corinthians 13 in my sleep, but, you walk it out with such greater ease. 

You’re a good man.  And, a really fun Valentine. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all.  Now, go love on somebody.

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January 5, 2011 · 5:00 am

Some Greek to Help With Peeps.

Soooo, how DO we respond to people who hurt us? 

We are patient with them.

Wha?  Patient?  What in the Sam Hill does patience have to do with it? 

Well, I’m glad you asked.  Two Greek words translate into the English word “patience.”  One is “hupomone.”  It means to “remain under.”  This is the patience we talk about when we are enduring tough circumstances.  But, circumstances are not people.  Oh, no. 

The Greek word, “makrothumia” is the sort of patience we need with people.  Bear with me.  Or, be PATIENT with me.  Ha!

Guess what drives makrothumia?  Give up?

MERCY.

Remember yesterday’s story of the king forgiving the servant’s debt?  He FORGAVE that debt.

Again, stay with me.

So, we first have to FORGIVE.

My good friend, Beth Moore, says,   “Patience is the vessel through which God pours His mercy.  Mercy is fueled by forgiveness.”

Okay, let’s just pretend Beth is my good friend. 

When we forgive, we let go free.  We let go of our power.  We cut that person loose.  They no longer owe us a thing.

Sometimes, I think that I have a right to hold this grudge or be angry….and, every right to be merciless.  But, God’s word calls us to forgive.  Who wants to carry the burden of unforgiveness?  The plus side?   When we forgive, God can be released to work the situation to our good.  And, don’t even think you can do it on your own.  You can’t.  That’s what the HS is for. 

Besides, the opposite of patience is judgment.  But, that’s another post for another day.

You see, the patience God desires for us to extend to others is the same patience that meant the salvation of our soul.

That’s all I’m sayin’. 

And, I hope I am CONSTANTLY reminded of this kind of patience….this kind of mercy….this kind of forgiveness…..

Until I love people CONSTANTLY.

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November 4, 2010 · 7:05 am

Put Yo Coat On!

I’m reading through the book of Colossians this week.  In the following passage, Paul encourages us to “clothe ourselves” in these God qualities:

 12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.  16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.  17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.  Colossians 3:12-17

If you leave your house without putting on this coat of mercy, kindness, humility, et cetera, et cetera, you leave your house naked.  (Pronounced “nekked.”) 

Since every member of my little family has appointed himself or herself “The Accountability Authority,” it is impossible to get away with taking off this coat.  So, when we behave or respond in a manner that fails to demonstrate those above God qualities, we simply tell, okay yell, “You bettah put yo coat on!” 

It usually diffuses whatever is causing the nakedness and keeps us accountable to clothe ourselves in these qualities that, let’s face it, make us better people. 

Mercy.  Kindness.  Humility.  Gentleness.  Patience.  Forgiveness.  Love.  Peace.  These really make life better and so much easier. 

So, before you go out around people today, put yo coat on!

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December 2, 2009 · 6:00 am

Redemption.

So, I must admit.  I was sad for Redeeming Love to end.  But, it left my heart so very full.  Full because of the splendor of redemption. 

Oh, how beautiful redemption truly is.  And how we fall in love with Christ in the process. 

I was a little late to the party on Francine Rivers’ Redeeming Love.  This is nothing unusual for me.  None the less, it’s a retelling of the biblical story of Hosea set in the mid-nineteenth century.  It’s a beautiful narrative and a sweet reminder of God’s unconditional love.

Sure, the Twilight series is great.  It can even leave you lovesick for a fictional character named Edward.  Redeeming Love, however, will leave you yearning for a more intimate relationship with a very loving – and very real King.

Many don’t experience God’s redemption due to a grossly distorted picture of who God is.  They see a wrathful God.  An unforgiving God.  Or, they see themselves unworthy of His redemption. 

Sometimes, this misperception is the church’s fault.  Sometimes, we fail to see others the way Christ does.  We judge.  We condemn.

God doesn’t.

He loves.

He IS love.

A.W. Tozer said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”

I tend to agree.

How do you view God?

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October 8, 2009 · 6:00 am

Teachable Moments.

My sweet seven year old came home from school yesterday a little more solemn than usual.  His sober demeanor eventually turned into a seemingly sour attitude.  By this point, I was pretty much over his crabbiness that was even evident in his silence.  I addressed his current position and told him, “There is no reason for your sour attitude.”  After all, we leave for the beach in a few short days.  Life is good for him.  What gives?

As I watched him attempt to compose himself, the thought of asking him what he may be feeling occurred to me.  There ya go, Mom. 

“John Henry, is there something bothering you?”  I finally engaged him.

His response flowed so effortlessly.  A friend had “told a lie about (him).” 

“He said I told him to write on the smart board, and I didn’t.”  He went on to explain.  “He tried to make something he did all my fault.”

I loved on my son and sympathized with him.  I told him how I know that hurts. 

After bedtime readings, we prayed.  I told John Henry we needed to forgive his friend. 

“How do I forgive him?  What do I do?”  He asked.

“You choose to still love him and be his friend.”  This was the best way I knew how to explain such a powerful act to a seven year old.

I reinforced with him that it was okay to still feel hurt.  But, he couldn’t let that hurt affect his friendship.

What if I had never asked John Henry, “Is there something bothering you?”  Perhaps, it was the Spirit’s prompting.  No matter what, I’m glad I didn’t just let it go.  I’m thankful I engaged my son.

Otherwise, I would have failed to acknowledge that he was hurting.

 And, I would have missed a teachable moment on forgiveness.

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September 16, 2009 · 6:00 am

I Was Wrong.

There are times I have to ask one of my children to forgive me.  It’s one of the most important things I can do as their mother.  Like the other day when Anna cut open a bag of dish candy.  In the middle of the bag.  Where there is no hope for closing it without candy spilling out everywhere.  I was upset.  My response was unnecessarily harsh.  And, my usually tough little girl ran to her room in tears.

I was wrong.

I entered her bedroom and held her.  I asked her to forgive me and told her she was the best daughter in the whole wide world.

Then, I told her I was wrong to respond the way I did.

She needed to hear me acknowledge my behavior was wrong as much as she needed to hear me say I’m sorry.

Honestly, I don’t find it difficult admitting my weakness to my children.  I don’t want them to struggle doing the same.   I want them to find it easy to go their heavenly Father and lay down their weaknesses at His feet, so He can show Himself strong in their lives.

Motherhood is not foolproof.  Neither is life.  When we mess up, it’s essential to acknowledge it and make a mends with the person we hurt.  Even if it is your four year old little girl.

It’s not the first time I’ve had to say I was wrong.  And, it’s certain it won’t be my last. 

I’m a believer in telling our children we are wrong when we are, indeed, wrong.  As a matter of fact, I think it’s essential in raising children with a healthy understanding of humility and forgiveness.

Do you struggle saying “I was wrong” to your children?

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August 13, 2009 · 6:00 am

A Broken And A Contrite Heart.

I keep getting these e-mails about potential boarding schools.  I’ve yet to classify them as spam, you know, just in case.  Oh, I would never.  I could never. 

Could I?

No.  I love this insanely unpredictable saga I live with a husband, two kids, and a dog.  And, of course, baby number three forming as I type. 

Yesterday, I told you about our latest parenting issue with little Miss Takle.  But yesterday afternoon, I encountered a discipline issue with John Henry.  And, his response broke me.

He had mistreated his sister.  It was small stuff by most people’s terms.  But, we see treating each other the way Christ wants us to treat each other as big stuff. 

I sent him to his room.  I entered knowing that he would have to be disciplined.  After it was over, he fell in my arms, and wailed, “The things I did to my sister were wrong!”  His heartfelt repentance broke him.

It broke me.

I felt tears touching my shoulders, and I’m sure he felt tears touching his.  There are times when my children tell one another they are sorry, because we force it on them.  Then, there are moments like these where they are truly broken.  They experience true repentance. 

Later that evening, John Henry asked me to tell Kris what happened. 

“You want me to tell Dad?”  I asked him.

“Yes.  I want him to know,” he responded.

He doesn’t even understand the scripture of confessing your sins to one another, but he is already practicing it.  I couldn’t help but think.  When is the last time I felt that kind of repentance in my own heart?  Where I was really broken?  Am I that broken when I talk about someone behind their back?  When I mishandle someone?  When I sin against my Father? 

Lord, create in me a new heart.  Renew a right spirit within me.

Let me come before your throne with a heart of David.  And, understand, once again, the JOY of your salvation.   

The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.  You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.  Psalm 51:17

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July 20, 2009 · 7:38 am

I’ve Had Wounds.

If we’ve lived any length of time, we’ve wounded someone and been wounded by someone.  As much as I love my children, I’ve still hurt them from time to time.  I’ve become very accustomed to asking them to forgive me and acknowledging to them that I was wrong.  I instruct my children to do the same thing when they hurt one another.

“I’m sorry.  I was wrong.  Would you forgive me?”

This is a very important part of the hurt individual’s healing process.

But, sometimes, the person who hurt us doesn’t ackknowledge their wrong doing, nor do they ask for forgiveness.  And, then, we have to, on our own, choose forgiveness.

Yep.  It’s a choice.  Always.  And, it’s also an instruction from our heavenly Father.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  (Col. 3:13)  It’s just not always an EASY choice.  Especially, when we don’t feel like forgiving.  Or, we fear that if we forgive, it will seem as though what they did to us didn’t really matter.  And, let’s face it.  Some things are just much easier to forgive than others.  It’s a lot easier to forgive a friend for running late than it is to forgive a spouse for betrayal. 

But, here’s what I’ve learned from unforgiveness:

It’ll hold us captive to our wounds and what our wounds mean.  Like a prisoner.
It will cause bitterness, and bitterness can wreck our lives and the lives of others around us.

Forgiveness releases you and the person who hurt you.  It doesn’t make sin tolerable.  But, it makes us so profoundly aware of God’s mercy on us.  When we follow God’s instruction and forgive, we put ourselves in a place where He, our Healer, can mend our broken heart. 

I’ve had wounds.

And, I choose forgiveness.  Always. 

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Psalm 147:3

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June 11, 2009 · 6:00 am

Do Over.

* Originally posted June 26, 2008

Remember when you were a kid playing one of those recess games, and someone would yell, “DO OVER!”  And, usually he got his do-over?  Life’s not always so simple.  There have been many circumstances in my twenty-three thirty-three years   I wish I could do over. 

Like the time I told my parents I was going to see Driving Miss Daisy with friends, and I cruised up and down Taylor Street instead.  My mom asked me which theater the movie was playing in….smart little booger….. “the left theater, center theater or right theater?” 

“The, the, the left!” I answered.

How could I not know it was the center?  After all, the movie was filmed in my hometown.  Why wouldn’t it take center stage?  I wish I could do that one over.  It would have saved me two weeks of grounding.

I’d also like a do-over on the time I colored my hair orange, my last speeding ticket, and probably the chips and queso I ate yesterday.  Oh, who am I kidding?  I’d so eat the chips and queso again today.

Point is, we all have something in life we’d like to get a do-over on.  For most of us, they are not things as trivial as mentioned above.  We’d like a do-over on a friendship, a marriage, a job – you know what I’m talkin’ about.  And, while we can’t get do-over’s on those things, we do get a do-over every day with God. 

Many people think we serve a God who stands over us with a giant rock, ready to crush it on our little heads.  A God whose wrath is fierce.  A God who positions Himself to punish His children at a moment’s notice. 

That’s not Him. 

At the second we ask Him to create a clean heart in us, He does.  He is a God who loves.  A God who forgives.  We don’t have to earn it.  We don’t have to work for it.  The price has already been paid.  He freely gives, we freely receive.

I get a do-over every morning.  I’m glad I do.  I need it.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:22-23

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