Tag Archives: mercy

June 21, 2016 · 8:01 am

Don’t Set People Up To Fail You.

Originally published in The Grip. 

A while back, our 13 year old, John Henry, got upset with his dad and responded to him poorly. Kris decided to take his phone and keep it until he apologized. While I knew Kris just wanted John Henry to recognize his poor response and how his words hurt, I wasn’t on board with his strategy, and Kris was open to hear my heart on it. At times, Kris and I disagree with how the other is handling a parenting issue, and one of us checks the other. I felt, in this situation, Kris was setting John Henry up to fail.

“He should know to go to his dad and ask for forgiveness and make this right.” Perhaps. But, sometimes, we know to make something right but have a hard time doing it, for whatever the reason may be. Placing expectations on someone to respond in a certain way only sets that person up to fail you. I’ve seen countless relationships that function this way. Especially in marriage. One sets the other up to see if he or she will respond in a certain way, and if that person “fails the test,” anger and resentment abound. “If she doesn’t come to me and apologize.” “If he doesn’t notice what I did and say ‘thank you.’” The list of examples could on and on. Instead of testing someone who doesn’t even know he or she is being tested, go to him or her. Share your heart and what you are needing from that person. Make sure you don’t come in on the offensive with words and phrases like, “you always” or “you never.” Instead, put it back on you. “It makes me feel unappreciated when you do this,” or “I am needing this from you right now.” Pay attention to your sound and tone. Go into the conversation not only ready to share your heart, but prepare yourself to listen to the other person’s heart as well.”

Kris made the decision to go to John Henry and ask him why he responded the way he did. Kris explained how his words hurt him. Both were able to share their heart, and there were no unfair expectations placed on John Henry without him knowing those expectations. Kris was able to coach John Henry in how to respond in situations when he gets angry and upset. It became a coachable moment instead of a set-up and test. See the difference? The same applies in all of our relationships. Don’t set people up to fail you. It’s simply not fair. And, more times than not, that person will, indeed, fail you. You have two options when you are wanting something from another person: 1) Go to them, and share your heart with the tenderest of tones, or 2) Decide it’s something you can let go and manage without. Both options are necessary at different times in our lives. Both options place you in a position where you are choosing the relationship. Both options are redemptive. And, neither is unfair.

Let’s not place expectations on people. And, if we do, and they fail us, let’s choose forgiveness instead of resentment. Let’s play fair, extend mercy, and handle each other with the greatest of care.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Colossians 3:13

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March 27, 2015 · 6:16 am

I Could Write For Days.

I could write for days about how he lavishes mercy on people. How he rarely has to forgive, because it’s unusual for him to take offense to something said or done. Because, he is the master at making allowances for other’s faults. I could spend all day telling you how he pours out wisdom over and over and over again. How he has saved me from so many blunders. How he has kept me so many times from letting my words fall at the wrong time at the wrong place. I could tell you how much he loves God’s Word. How much he loves His Maker. How much he loves doing what he does. How good he is at doing what he does. How much he just loves. Doesn’t judge. I could tell you so many things.

How he is the most fun person on earth to sing Garth Brooks songs with.

How he can make you laugh harder than any other person.

How he can laugh at himself.

How adorable it was that his favorite part of Ireland was riding on this site seeing bus.

I could spend all day sharing all of the hilarious things, all of the inspirational things, all of the love-filled things about him.

But, it would take an eternity to tell you what it’s like to call him Dad.

It would take forever to share the stories of what kind of father he was to me when I was growing up. How he practiced patience. Made me laugh. Spent huge amounts of time with me. Didn’t buy into the “quality time is better than quantity.” He knew quantity mattered. So, he spent as much time as he possibly could with me. And, he still does.

Every single day that Kris is gone, he will call and ask me, “What do you need me to do today?” I thank him over and over again for helping me. He replies, “It’s a joy.” I called him the other day to say thank you for picking up the kids from school. He responds, “I love spending time with my grandchildren. I’m glad I get to do what I do for them.”

He does everything without complaining.

He does everything with immense joy. With immense grace. With immense love.

Dad, I could not imagine a more wonderful father than you. I could not dream of a more amazing, a more present grandfather to John Henry, Anna, and Jett. I am so thankful that I get to call you my pastor, my mentor, my friend. But, nothing compares to being able to call you Dad. Nothing. You are the best. Period.

Happy Birthday, Dad. Thank you for making life filled with so much grace, so much love, and sooooo much fun.

I love you,

Dusty

 

 

 

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September 24, 2014 · 4:00 am

Twelve: A Soul Well Tended.

Middle School. First year. That’s where we are now. Everyone tries to tell you to hold on tightly. Because, the years are set to mach speed when you’re raising children. And, how well I now know that you are 12 years old. TWELVE. One minute I’m walking you into your first day of Kindergarten.

Then, the next I’m dropping you off and watching you walk into Middle School. And, two things consistently astonish me: how I blink my eyes and you are almost as tall as me…..

and how you continually make everyone around you feel good about themselves.

Someone recently made the comment how you have the unusual ability to make even “old folks feel important.” It’s one of the traits that makes me most proud. Everyone leaves your presence feeling a little better about themselves. Please, son….don’t ever lose this gift. It’s really what the Kingdom is all about. Love. Acceptance. Mercy. I am amazed watching you make these three things the epitome of who you are.

You love people. You encourage them. You accept them for who they are and embrace who they are. And, your mercy is so long and wide. So much so that you remind me often to be a giver of mercy. I can remember one evening you overheard me saying something negative about someone. I was so embarrassed. I went to you and asked you to forgive me. Your response: “I forgive you. Just remember, he is a good man.”

Those words went straight to my heart. Such holy, good conviction that reminded me to allow to people to fail me. To make allowances for other’s faults. To always look for the good in others.

John Henry, your soul is even more beautiful than your eyes. And, that is saying a lot. You tend to your soul beautifully. At the start of this school year I told you I wanted us to begin studying the scriptures together. You immediately went to retrieve your Bible, and we turned to the Sermon On the Mount and began to read. This part of that sermon defines who you are so well:

7 God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

8 God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.

9 God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. (Matthew 5:7-9)

And, God blesses you, John Henry Landreth. I am so proud of the man that you are. I will always miss my little boy. I will always smile when I think about this little face.

But nothing compares to the tears of joy I cry when I look into this face. Full of mercy. Full of love.

 

Happy 12th Birthday, John Henry. I love you more today than yesterday. And, I will love you even more tomorrow.

 

Love,

Mom

 

 

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December 11, 2013 · 8:14 am

Overlooking Offenses.

Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs. (Proverbs 19:11 NLT)

 

Sometimes, we think that if we overlook a wrong, then we won't be validated or defended. Remember, Jesus was wronged. Yet, He went it the cross like a lamb led to slaughter, and he opened not His mouth. We are never more like Jesus when we overlook an offense. And, we earn respect when we do.

 

I don't always keep my mouth shut about an offense. I don't think, if we are honest, any of us do. However, I have learned one thing about choosing to “vent” an offense. To make sure the offense is redeemed in that vent. In other words, don't share an offense without the intent of it leading to the redemption of it. In doing so, I am careful who I share, or vent, offenses to. I always know that if share an offense with my father, his response will not be, “I can't believe that person” or “I would be done with that person.” He first acknowledges my hurt and says he's sorry. But, then he quickly helps me see the hurt the offender is speaking from and also makes me look within myself at what may be drawing it out of that person. Then, I am able to release forgiveness, and overlook the offense moving forward. And so, it is redeemed.

 

One of the greatest examples of overlooking an offense is when King David traveled to Bahurim, and Shimei, a member of Saul's family came out to curse him. Shimei threw gravel at David and cursed him and accused him of stealing Saul's throne. David's officer, Abishai, couldn't take it and said, “Let me go over and cut off his head!” But, David responded, “Leave him alone and let him curse, for the Lord has told him to do it. And perhaps the Lord will see that I am being wronged and will bless me because of these curses today.”

 

Later in scripture, Shimei begs for mercy. But, to Abishai, this was no small thing. No small offense. To throw gravel at a king and curse the Lord's anointed was a huge deal. Most of us would have agreed with Abishai's response and wanted Shimei punished. But, David shocks his men seeking justice and says “what do I have in common with you?” In other words, how are we even alike? You seek vengeance, and I seek mercy? Ouch. And, then, he says, “Do I not know I am king over Israel?”

 

Ahhhh. The key to David overlooking an offense. He KNEW who he was. His security was built in knowing who he was. Not in other's opinions of him.

 

Remember who you are when you are offended. You are a child of the King. You are OF God. Let this truth go deep within you, so you can overlook wrongs. And, when you must vent, make sure redemption is the end result.

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January 5, 2011 · 5:00 am

Some Greek to Help With Peeps.

Soooo, how DO we respond to people who hurt us? 

We are patient with them.

Wha?  Patient?  What in the Sam Hill does patience have to do with it? 

Well, I’m glad you asked.  Two Greek words translate into the English word “patience.”  One is “hupomone.”  It means to “remain under.”  This is the patience we talk about when we are enduring tough circumstances.  But, circumstances are not people.  Oh, no. 

The Greek word, “makrothumia” is the sort of patience we need with people.  Bear with me.  Or, be PATIENT with me.  Ha!

Guess what drives makrothumia?  Give up?

MERCY.

Remember yesterday’s story of the king forgiving the servant’s debt?  He FORGAVE that debt.

Again, stay with me.

So, we first have to FORGIVE.

My good friend, Beth Moore, says,   “Patience is the vessel through which God pours His mercy.  Mercy is fueled by forgiveness.”

Okay, let’s just pretend Beth is my good friend. 

When we forgive, we let go free.  We let go of our power.  We cut that person loose.  They no longer owe us a thing.

Sometimes, I think that I have a right to hold this grudge or be angry….and, every right to be merciless.  But, God’s word calls us to forgive.  Who wants to carry the burden of unforgiveness?  The plus side?   When we forgive, God can be released to work the situation to our good.  And, don’t even think you can do it on your own.  You can’t.  That’s what the HS is for. 

Besides, the opposite of patience is judgment.  But, that’s another post for another day.

You see, the patience God desires for us to extend to others is the same patience that meant the salvation of our soul.

That’s all I’m sayin’. 

And, I hope I am CONSTANTLY reminded of this kind of patience….this kind of mercy….this kind of forgiveness…..

Until I love people CONSTANTLY.

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November 4, 2010 · 7:05 am

Put Yo Coat On!

I’m reading through the book of Colossians this week.  In the following passage, Paul encourages us to “clothe ourselves” in these God qualities:

 12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.  16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.  17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.  Colossians 3:12-17

If you leave your house without putting on this coat of mercy, kindness, humility, et cetera, et cetera, you leave your house naked.  (Pronounced “nekked.”) 

Since every member of my little family has appointed himself or herself “The Accountability Authority,” it is impossible to get away with taking off this coat.  So, when we behave or respond in a manner that fails to demonstrate those above God qualities, we simply tell, okay yell, “You bettah put yo coat on!” 

It usually diffuses whatever is causing the nakedness and keeps us accountable to clothe ourselves in these qualities that, let’s face it, make us better people. 

Mercy.  Kindness.  Humility.  Gentleness.  Patience.  Forgiveness.  Love.  Peace.  These really make life better and so much easier. 

So, before you go out around people today, put yo coat on!

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March 10, 2010 · 6:00 am

Three Things.

I ran across this scripture yesterday.  It’s a popular one.  You probably know it.

The Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.  Micah 6:8

Three things, huh?

Do what’s right.

Love mercy.

Walk humbly with God. 

To always do what’s right?  To love mercy?  Even when we think that person doesn’t deserve it?  Be kind anyway.  To walk humbly with God?  Total submission.  Where He is everything, and we are nothing. 

Where He increases, and we decrease.

What if we were all intentional to do those three things daily? 

Would my day look any different? 

Would yours?

I think we’d find ourselves much better off, and our lives bringing God much more glory.

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February 5, 2010 · 6:00 am

Confessions Made Easy.

Confession is hard.  Especially when you’re five.  But, this time, I made it easy when I found old, dried grapes in our hallway coat closet.  Yes.  Grapes. 

Me:  Who put grapes in the closet?

John Henry:  It wasn’t me!

Me:  Anna?

Anna:  It wasn’t me!

Me:  Anna, just tell me now.  Did you put grapes in the closet?

Anna:  Hmmm.  Are you gonna be mad?

Me:  No.

Anna:  Am I gonna be in trouble?

Me:  (Smiling) No.

Anna:  Okayyy.  It was me.

I didn’t even want to know why.

Sometimes, our kids just need a break.  They need, well, the unmerited favor of their mom and dad, too. 

So, she got it. 

Do you need to show a little more mercy sometimes?

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July 24, 2009 · 6:00 am

That’s Not Fair!

There is no book or instruction manual that tells you how to handle every parenting quandary.  My lack of wisdom in dealing with various situations became even more evident last night.  I allowed John Henry and Anna to pick ONE movie to watch in their room together.  Of course, they picked two different movies.  And, of course, I thought out loud, “Hmmm. How can we handle this?”  John Henry suggested they pick a number between one and ten. 

Perfect.

They did.  He won.  She wailed.

It wasn’t very fair for Anna even if she would get her pick next time.  I could have told her the first shall be last, and the last shall be first, but I felt certain that wouldn’t have sped her recovery.  It was a hard lesson in life for a four year old.  A lesson we all learn if we live long enough.

Life is not fair.

It’s not fair that I’m only 5’3”.  It’s not fair that I have a digestive disease. 

It’s not fair that my very good friend, Josh, died at 27.  It’s not fair that there are children in India begging for food.  It’s not fair that a five year old little girl has a brain tumor. 

So many things in life aren’t fair.

But, if God was fair, we would all die and pay a price for our sins.  One of my favorite Cindy Beall lines on “God isn’t fair” is: “I’m glad He’s not.  I need His mercy.”  The promise of eternal life isn’t about God being fair.  It’s about His incomprehensible love and mercy.

Life may seem unfair sometimes.  But, God is full of mercy.  He IS mercy.  He IS just.  And, He is faithful to make all things work together for the good.

This, I know well.

As for Anna….well, her tender, sweet big brother parted her tears, and said, “Anna, we can watch your movie.”

Was that fair for John Henry?  Well, maybe he does have a grasp on the first shall be last truth.  Or, just maybe, he was being merciful to his little sister. 

Either way, I am so humbled to be that young man’s mother.

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June 17, 2009 · 6:00 am

Lessons In Horse Riding and Other Things.

Anna began horse camp on Monday.  Here she is getting ready for her first day.

Anna - horse camp wp

She’s enjoyed her week so far.  So has John Henry.  When we dropped Anna off yesterday morning, he said, “Got rid of her.”  Of course, two hours later, he was asking me how much longer until we picked her up.  But, we did enjoy the quiet and reprieve from inquisitions while it lasted. 

I asked Anna how she liked riding horses.  “I didn’t fall off,” she said.  I guess that’s good.  She also looked at me and quoted a line from “Little House On the Prairie.”  “Country girls,” she said.  This is how Nellie Olsen describes Laura and Mary Ingalls in one of the first episodes.  I think she has taken a liking to life as a country girl.  Or, she just loves the Ingalls girls.  Or she loves Nellie Olsen. 

Let’s hope it’s not the latter.

In other news, John Henry finally lost his first tooth.  It was a celebration.  Anna told us all she was “so proud of John Henry.”  Her supportive sentiments quickly turned bitter when she learned he got money for his loss.  “That’s not fair.” 

Oh, the lessons in rejoicing with those who rejoice.  It can be a difficult lesson for any of us when we look at our difficult situation versus another’s seemingly better situation.  But.  BUT, when we look at our situation in view of God’s mercy, then rejoicing is not only easier….but, we can’t help but do anything else.

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