Category Archives: Marriage

December 17, 2012 · 5:00 am

The Wonder of 40.

mom - dad recent wp

These two lovebirds celebrate 40 years of marriage today.  I can honestly say, their marriage is better at year 40 than it’s ever been.  Yesterday, Dad asked Mom to accompany him on the EWC stage and share a few of the reasons they’ve survived 40….and each other.  While they both acknowledged their journey hasn’t been without failures, their longevity of marriage is the result of two people who simply continue to make it better.  I thought I’d share what they say has worked for them.

1) Always go back to your first love.

“But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!”
Revelation 2:4

Whatever you did to win his heart in the beginning, keep doing it.

2) Treat your spouse with the same respect you treat others.

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.  Ephesians 4:31-32

We tend to choose our words with other people a little more carefully.  We make allowances for their faults more easily.  And, we usually show respect to others more intentionally.  Be just as intentional with your spouse.

3) Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!  Song of Songs 2:15

Most marriages survive and recover from the big stuff.  It’s the small, trivial things that can really mess it up.  You can’t accept what you continue to complain about.  You’re going to have to accept certain things that will probably never change.  Choose your battles.  Don’t sweat things that won’t matter tomorrow.

4) Compliment his or her strengths.

So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.  Romans 14:19

Be intentional about praising one another’s strengths.  And, don’t ever bring up his or her weaknesses.  Focus on the good stuff.  Whatever you focus on, you give energy to.  Period.

5) Don’t take your marriage for granted. 

“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.  Remind me that my days are numbered – how fleeting my life is. 5 You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.”   Psalm 39:4-5 4

Set up guardrails to protect your marriage.  Be mindful that you can fall any minute.  Trust your spouse’s intuition and discernment.  Dad quoted Henry Ford’s advice on a successful marriage (who likened it to his successful business):  “Just the same as in the automobile business, stick to one model.”

6) Don’t keep a record of wrongs.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Never, ever bring up past failures or disappointments.  Once it’s forgiven, leave it in the past.

7) Don’t ever give up.

Mom said, “There is no Plan B.”  Don’t make giving up an option.  There is always hope for a better marriage.  Always.

For me, I’m grateful for such an example to look up to.  They both continue to inspire me.  They have imparted good stuff to me that I can apply to my own marriage.

I just hope that after 40 years of marriage, I look as good as they do.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.  I love you both.  And, I’m so glad y’all got married.  Obviously.

1 Comment

Filed under Love, Marriage, Relationships

Tagged as , , , ,

March 29, 2012 · 5:00 am

Big Mama Says We Talk Too Much.

Yesterday afternoon, I found myself in my kitchen singing the words to “You Are Good.”  These lyrics rang through my head until nighttime:

Your kindness leads me to repentance
Your goodness draws me to Your side
Your mercy calls me to be like You
Your favor is my delight
Every day, I’ll awaken my praise
And pour out a song from my heart.

Romans 2:4 says, “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you?  Does this mean nothing to you?  Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?”

It’s His kindness that leads us to repentance.  It’s His goodness that draws us.

My translation:  Stop judging and be so dang intolerant of other people.  God uses kindness, sweet words, and forgiveness to transform our own lives into something beautiful.

When people disappoint us….

When people don’t live up to our expectations….

Fill in the gap of your expectation of someone and what that someone actually does with kindness and forgiveness.

Even with your spouse.

Give him or her the benefit of the doubt.  When has expressing your disappointment with your spouse EVER worked?  There is a definite time and place for healthy communication.  Healthy.  There is also a time to keep your mouth shut.

I remember being aggravated with Kris once for not taking care of something before he left for a trip.  I was so stinking mad.  I picked up the phone to call him and tell him exactly how I felt about his oversight.

Fortunately for Kris, Big Mama was at my house.

“Talk, talk, talk. That’s the trouble with young people.  They think they need to talk everything out.  Sometimes, you just need to keep your mouth shut.  Put the phone down, and just forgive him.”

I’m pretty sure filling in the gap with forgiveness and a closed mouth did more for my marriage than that phone call would’ve done.

Trying to bring conviction to someone’s life never goes the way we think it will.  But kindness will always bring about effectual change.   And often times, our kindness towards others changes US.

It’s how God functions.   And, since we are of God….created in His image….isn’t it how we should function?

I am so thankful for His patience.  For His love.  For His mercy.

And, so thankful that His mercy calls us to be like Him.  Because, His ways are truly better.

8 Comments

Filed under Big Mama, disappointment, God Stuff, Marriage, Relationships

Tagged as , , , , ,

February 15, 2012 · 9:52 pm

Next Year, I Might Say, “Be Mine.”

Can I just be honest and say that Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday of the year?  I don’t mean to be a love humbug.  I mean, I love love and all.  I just don’t like using it to celebrate Kris.  And, he is not allowed to buy me a Valentine’s Day gift.  I know this makes me odd.  And, I’m okay with that.  I’m sure Kris is, too.  Not to worry about my littles.  We certainly lavish on them on this day of “Be My Valentine.”

So, instead of making the day about recognizing how much I love Kris, I pick a person really needing to feel some love to bless.  I started this tradition two years ago.  It’s kind of given me a reason to look forward to the holiday.

However, yesterday ended up being one of my favorite days of the year.  No expensive gifts.  No over-priced roses.  But, a string of texts, notes, and unexpected surprises made me so thankful for the relationships in my life.  Several members of Eagles Way Church surprised the staff with the most heartfelt, delicious lunch at the office.  Kris surprised me….and I do mean surprised me, by cleaning the house before he took off into the wild blue yonder.  An unexpected text from a friend simply expressing her appreciation broke me.  And, then?  A surprise knock at my door with none other than my father bringing me my favorite hummus and pita bread.

I spent the rest of the evening playing Pictionary on the Xbox with my big kids and laughing at this littlest kid while he saw himself being videoed.

Why do videos start and stop on the most awkward of facial expressions?  Have. Mercy.

Anyway, my heart swelled with an immense gratitude for the people in my life.  A gratitude that I get to wake up every morning to the most incredible beings in my home.  A gratitude that I get to be Kris Takle’s wife.  A gratitude that I get to be a mother.  A gratitude that I get to work at the greatest church on the planet.  A gratitude that I get to be a pastor.

I am so rich.  So rich in relationships.  Rich in love.  Rich in contentment.

So, perhaps, after days like yesterday, I just might become a fan of Cupid.  After all, I am definitely a fan of lunch.  And, a clean house.  And, sweet messages.  And, hummus.  And Eagles Way Church.

And, Kris Takle.

And, these little love bugs.

 

3 Comments

Filed under giving, gratitude, Kid Stuff, Love, Marriage, Motherhood, Relationships

Tagged as , , , , , ,

November 8, 2011 · 6:51 am

38 Reasons

Had Anna Takle held off another 1.5 hours, she would have shared her birthday with my favorite man. And, clearly, her favorite man, too.

Kris Takle is 38 today.

That calls for 38 reasons I love Kris Takle:

1. Generosity. He is one of the most giving men I know.

2. He tells me right away whenever he trips, stumbles, or hurts himself, because he knows I will laugh until tears pour.

3. He is my greatest encourager. Well, after my momma.

4. He can make the kids laugh so dang loud and hard to the point that I have to leave the room.

5. He is sentimental. The boy will hold onto everything I allow. (Sorry about throwing out those old watches, Ivar.)

6. I never wonder if he is thinking about me when he travels, because, he tells me almost every time he does.

7. He is a great cook. Or “cooker,” as Anna Takle says.

8. Speaking of cooking, his fried rice beats all. Uh-maz-ing.

9. He can’t keep his hands off of me. I’m just sayin’.

10. When I share my heart, he listens.

11. He once said when we were dating, “I don’t think I’d love you as much as I do if you didn’t have John Henry.”

12. And, I have never, EVER seen him treat John Henry differently than his own flesh and blood.

13. He is safe.

14. And comfortable.

15. He forgives quickly.

16. He has a lot of wisdom in how to handle difficult situations.

17. He will take ownership when he makes a mistake.

18. His honesty is scary, funny, and just downright impressive.

19. His love for farming is pretty adorable.

20. He gets excited about driving his tractor.

21. His passion for aviation inspires me to always stay passionate about the call of God on my life.

22. And, he still appreciates flying the little single-engine props whenever he gets the chance. I, on the other hand, really appreciate two jet engines. With nice leather seats. And, a bathroom. Amen.

23. He lets me record his “Taklisms.” Exhibit A: “Take the world by the horns.” Exhibit B: “I’m just not feeling on the top of the weather today.”

24. He loves his friends.

25. If it’s within his power to meet a need, he does it. Without hesitation.

26. He makes every date night enjoyable.

27. He is slow to anger.

28. Content. He is always content. Which makes him extremely hard to buy for.

29. As a matter of fact, whenever I ask him what he wants for his birthday, Christmas or anniversary, his answer is always the same: “Just you.”

30. He loves babysitters, and he’s not afraid to call them. Glo-ree.

31. He is a great son. I love how he always honors his mom and dad in word and deed.

32. The man appreciates really good food.

33. He makes me laugh every single day. Sometimes, I think it’s one of his life missions.

34. He is just a really great dad. He disciplines with love. He plays with them like he’s a kid, too. And, he provides opportunities for them to succeed.

35. He watches animated films ALL OF THE TIME. With and without our children.

36. I never doubt his love for me. Ever.

37. And, because of the way he loves me and others, he is one of the most spiritual men I know.

38. He loves God. And, he trusts Him in everything.

And, that last one always impresses me. As much of the Word that’s inside of me, I can still have moments of, “God, please pull through on this one.” Kris? He trusts in the sovereignty of God.

And, his faith always strengthens mine.

Happy Birthday, Ivar. You make this world a sweeter, kinder place.

5 Comments

Filed under life, Love, Marriage

Tagged as , ,

August 16, 2011 · 5:00 am

Viva Love.

I’ve been married to Kris Takle 8 years today.  He likes to keep things exciting, so he surprised me with a trip to Vegas this past weekend.  It was pretty perfect save losing my iPhone and driver’s license.  I’m on day five without the iPhone, and heart palpitations haven’t started yet, so I take that as a good sign I’m doing okay.  It was in a clutch that was taken from a craps table.  Of course, that wasn’t all that craps table took from us, but, you know…it’s Vegas.  And, if you think gambling is a sin, you might wanna go ahead and click that “x” in the top right hand corner now, ‘cause momma likes to bet on the hard ways. 

I’m all talk, really.  Those tables make me nervous.  Unlike the umbrella and comfy chairs we sold a kidney to rent by the pool out there.  Purchasing comfort clearly does not make me nervous.  At least, not that trip.  Mercy.

I’ll go ahead and tell you I cried when Celine Dion sang “My Heart Will Go On.”  And, “Because, You Loved Me.”  And, when she sang Billy Joel’s “Lullaby (Goodnight My Angel)”, I knew I had lost the battle preventing puffy eyes the next morning. 

Because, it’s in these songs that my mind thinks about the amazing people in my life. 

Especially my husband.

I love him.

As a matter of fact, I think I’m addicted to loving him.

I love how he knows what makes me laugh, so he does it.

I love how he believes in me and my gifts.

I love how he loves me. 

And, I’m pretty sure I love him more today than I have ever loved him.  And, you won’t hurt my feelings if you click that “x”, because this is just too sappy for you. 

In the words of Matt Nathanson, “you make my heart beat faster.”

You just do.

Happy Anniversary, Kris Takle.

5 Comments

Filed under Love, Marriage

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 10, 2011 · 5:00 am

Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken.

“You never forget the day that changes your life forever.  The day that turns your heart and your family upside down.”

And, those are the first words my good friend, Cindy Beall, pens in her book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken.  I know Cindy and her husband, Chris.  I’ve sat around their dinner table.  I’ve eaten Cindy’s amazing black bean salsa and steak fajitas.  I’ve spent hours shopping with her helping her pick out the perfect pair of denim.  ‘Cause she is understands a good pair of jeans is from the Lord.  So, what I’m saying is….I know her story. 

And, it’s the most amazing story of redemption in a marriage I’ve ever personally known.

But, it’s one thing to know her story.  It’s another thing to read it.  To read the brutal transparency of what her heart looked like after Chris confessed he had been unfaithful.  To read the shock.  The betrayal.  The shattered dream. 

And, then to read the forgiveness.  The healing.  The restoration.  The marriage that God made better than new. 

If you think your marriage is unrecoverable.  If you wonder if you will ever be able to trust again.  If you have lost all hope….

Cindy’s book will inspire you to believe otherwise. 

She will win your heart with her honesty.  And, she will help you write your own story of redemption.

To purchase Cindy’s book, go to Amazon.com.

4 Comments

Filed under Marriage

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

July 25, 2011 · 5:00 am

Loving Until The Twelfth of Never.

The following was written and published in The Grip newspaper as my tribute to the love of John and Dianne Herbert.  Dianne took her last breath on earth with John by her side, Saturday, July 16, 2011 at 12:30AM.  I will never forget the exchanges I had the honor of witnessing their last few weeks together.

There are days when one of us is trying to simultaneously console a tummy ache and cook dinner while the other is reconciling a bank statement with a toddler running a big truck up and down his leg.  There are situations where he sees things one way and I assume the burden of making him see things the right way.  Okay.  My way.  There are times my words are curt and his actions seem insensitive.  And, there are moments we both wish we could re-do.

We can’t.  And, parenting aside, marriage is one of the hardest institutions to navigate through.

But, I know it’s possible.

What is that thing that makes her stay even when the hard moments are unbearable?  What is it that makes him still say, “I love you,” after she has hurt his heart?  When bills pile up and the funds are low?  When one is running to soccer and the other is running to the office?  When time is scarce?  When emotions are running high?  When patience seems to have packed herself up and moved across town? 

What is it that makes a marriage run until the very end? 

Respect.  Honesty.  Intimacy.  Selflessness. 

Those are all words I think of when I think of a successful marriage. 

But, perhaps, the simplest answer is commitment.  Staying in the game.  Choosing love over and over again.  Saying no to the easy way outs and saying yes to until the twelfth of never. 

For better or for worse.

This is the kind of love I witnessed every day I went to see John and Dianne.  Bed-ridden with cancer, Dianne forced a smile into the eyes of the man who sang to her while he held her water.  Nurses would come and go, and John swore they were all scared of being out of a job because of the care he gave Dianne himself.  “She’s the queen of the house,” he’d tell everyone.  I watched him leave her side only to turn and run back and steal a kiss.  And, she obliged. 

I’m not sure what their last day looked like as he requested to be alone with his wife of more than forty-six years.  I don’t know the words he told her or the songs he sang. 

But, if he didn’t sing these words aloud, I know they echoed in his heart:

You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I’ll love you; I’ll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I’ll still be loving you.

May we all be inspired to love….

until the twelfth of never and that’s a long, long time.

8 Comments

Filed under life, Love, Marriage, Writing

Tagged as , , , ,

February 14, 2011 · 5:00 am

My Funny Valentine.

Me:  Kris, you never complain about anything.

Kris:  It’s because I have a closer walk with God.

Not only is my sweet husband a contented non-complainer, he’s also very funny.  He knew he would make me laugh with his explanation of why he doesn’t complain.  Kris has an incredible ability to not let things really get to him.  He also has quite the propensity to make me laugh every day we are together. 

But, it’s his capacity to let things go….

To let hurts go.  To overlook people’s faults.  To forgive without hesitation….

It’s one of the things I love about him most. 

How often we think we cannot get over a hurt or an offense.  We internalize and dwell on them.  We want vengeance.  We want that person to know exactly how we feel.  Exactly how they’ve hurt us.  We want to hold them accountable for their words and actions. 

But, that’s just not God’s way. 

God’s way is to think of others as better than ourselves – Philippians 2:3.

God’s way is to be kind to one another and tenderhearted, forgiving them as quickly and fully as God forgave us – Ephesians 4:32.

God’s way is to never avenge ourselves – Romans 12:19.

God’s way is to love our enemies – Matthew 5:44.

God’s way is unconventional.  His way was to go to a cross and never open His mouth even to defend Himself.  His way was to take communion on the same night he was betrayed. 

The. Same. Night.

Now, Kris Takle is no saint, I tell ya.  And, he might confuse a scripture or ten, albeit, sometimes purposefully, because he knows it’ll make me laugh.  But, he gets that God’s way stuff on letting things go pretty dadgum good. 

Kris, thank you for being such an incredible example of God’s love.  You continue to inspire and push me to do things God’s way while still giving me room to grow.  I might be able to quote 1 Corinthians 13 in my sleep, but, you walk it out with such greater ease. 

You’re a good man.  And, a really fun Valentine. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all.  Now, go love on somebody.

3 Comments

Filed under God Stuff, Love, Marriage

Tagged as , , , , ,

February 7, 2011 · 5:00 am

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall.

I love how the morning my article on relationships is published in The Grip and the morning after I attend a relationship class, I have a rather heated encounter with my husband.  And, I don’t mean the physical touch, love language kind of encounter.  I’m talking about the let’s find every wrong way to communicate to your spouse kind of encounter. 

It all started with this question:  “Is the bug man here?”  And, yes, by bug man I mean exterminator.  We are a sophisticated bunch in the Takle household. 

No need in spilling every pitiful detail of how I thought Kris responded to my inquiry.  Orrrr, how I received his answer.  But, it would be later in the evening before we would resolve our marital dilemma.

Joey Grubbs, our relationship guru, had shared only the night before how we need to look in the mirror when we find ourselves dealing with issues in our relationships.  I don’t think he meant for me to say, I don’t know, “Kris, Joey says you need to look in the mirror!”  I mean, I don’t think he said that.  I certainly wouldn’t have translated it that way….on a normal, non-hormonal kind of day. 

Once I invited God into my day, I finally looked in the mirror for myself.  What is it in me that made me receive Kris’ answer the way I received it?  Why was I so offended?  Later, Kris and I were able to sit down and talk about the unfortunate dialogue of that morning.  I was able to share how I knew my response just wasn’t a good one.  I was also able to share what I need from him in those situations.  And, he was able to receive it.

I’ve always been quite the self-assessor.  But, I’m learning the importance even more of looking at myself in the mirror.  And, asking simple questions like, “What is it in me that makes me feel or react a certain way?”  Actually, I need to look in the mirror for ALL of my relationships.  Once I do, I must line up those things that aren’t right with God’s Word.  Because, His Word is the best litmus test for how we are responding to and receiving from others. 

So, here’s to the confessions of a writer on relationships. 

I’m still growing.  And, from the looks of that girl staring back at me in the mirror, I have a lot more growing to do. 

Thankful for a patient husband.  And, an even more patient Father.

3 Comments

Filed under Love, Marriage, Relationships

Tagged as , , ,

January 14, 2011 · 5:00 am

Who You Are.

Apparently, I am not a Libra.  And, you are not who you think you are either.  In case you missed the overnight changes in Astrology, you can read about it here.  Honestly, I am not a follower of my sign, and I’m not about to debate its legitimacy with you.  A) I’m not that smart.  B)  I really don’t care.  ALL of this to share a funny text conversation with my foxy pilot:

Me:  “You’re not a Scorpio any more.  You’re a Libra!”

Kris:  “How come?  Was I born in a different month, and my momma lied?” 

Me:  “No. The Zodiac signs shifted and changed last night.”

Kris:  “Says who?  The Zodiac Czar?”

Me:  “You are all of the Zodiac signs to me, babe.”

Kris:  “Well, I hope I’m still an Ox at the Chinese restaurant.”

I swear he makes me laugh ALL OF THE TIME. 

On a more serious note.  Some of you really aren’t who you think you are.  After yesterday’s post, I was flooded with e-mails and messages from many of you asking me to pray for you. 

I did.  And, my prayers for you did not cease last night.  When I commit to pray for you, I really do.

I can’t tell you what it did to my heart to read your hurts.  Your fears.  Your struggles.  Your what ifs.  I think what broke me most were the few who really don’t see that God wants good things for them.  And, that God’s promises are as much for them as the next person.

So, some of you really aren’t who you think you are. 

But, you ARE who GOD says you are.  And, He says He loves you so much that He watched His son suffer for you.  He says you are so valuable to Him that He knows how many hairs are on your head.  He says you are such the apple of His eye that He pursues you Himself. 

He LOVES you.  And, there is nothing you can do to change that. 

May we all run after Him the way He runs after us. 

And, have a GREAT weekend.

6 Comments

Filed under God Stuff, Marriage, Say What?

Tagged as , , , , , ,