Category Archives: Relationships

January 4, 2011 · 5:00 am

Debt.

23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him.  24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.  25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold – along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned – to pay the debt.  26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’  27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.  28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.  29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time.  ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded.  30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait.  He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.’  Matthew 18:23-30

 The nerve.  Right?  Is that what you’re thinking?  Yeah, me, too. 

 Yet, we can be that ungrateful, “you owe me” servant.  Someone wrongs us.  Hurts us.  They uncover us or tell something that isn’t true about us.  We expect retribution.  We demand them to take ownership in how they have mistreated or offended us.  We tell them to pay up!  And, we make sure everyone else around us knows they owe us, too. 

 I’ve done it.  You’ve done it.

 We have a huge capacity to be that slimy servant who was forgiven of an even larger debt than the one owed him.

 Haven’t we been forgiven of a huge debt?  I don’t know.  The debt of sin?  Replaced with a gift of salvation?  Eternal life?

 Yeah, that big debt.

 Still, we go out and demand others to pay up their, well, their smaller debts.  And, really.  Aren’t all debts smaller than the one we owed our King?

 I’m just sayin’.

 So, what should our response be to those we think owe us?

 Come back tomorrow, and I’ll tell ya.

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November 4, 2010 · 7:05 am

Put Yo Coat On!

I’m reading through the book of Colossians this week.  In the following passage, Paul encourages us to “clothe ourselves” in these God qualities:

 12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.  16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.  17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.  Colossians 3:12-17

If you leave your house without putting on this coat of mercy, kindness, humility, et cetera, et cetera, you leave your house naked.  (Pronounced “nekked.”) 

Since every member of my little family has appointed himself or herself “The Accountability Authority,” it is impossible to get away with taking off this coat.  So, when we behave or respond in a manner that fails to demonstrate those above God qualities, we simply tell, okay yell, “You bettah put yo coat on!” 

It usually diffuses whatever is causing the nakedness and keeps us accountable to clothe ourselves in these qualities that, let’s face it, make us better people. 

Mercy.  Kindness.  Humility.  Gentleness.  Patience.  Forgiveness.  Love.  Peace.  These really make life better and so much easier. 

So, before you go out around people today, put yo coat on!

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November 2, 2010 · 5:00 am

A Cloak of Love.

I love the 1 Corinthians 13 definition of love.  I even hung that jewel of a scripture on my bathroom wall.  I mean, who doesn’t love those verses?  It’s one of the most read aloud chapters outside local church walls. 

I recently studied 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.  I broke it down, brothas and sistas.  But, verse 7, “It always protects…” hit me hardest.  Get this:

The Greek word for protects is “stego.”  It means “to cover over in silence.”  Impressed?  Don’t be.  I looked it up.  Now raise your hand if you think of physical protection when you read “protects?”  As if my one-hundred and ahem pound body could really save you from physical harm – even though I love ya.

But it literally means that we cover an individual with such a cloak of love that no one can see his or her faults.  Isn’t that beautiful?

So, love doesn’t expose the faults of others.  Wanna know the easiest way to not expose faults?  Don’t look for them.  If it’s easy for me to notice a fault, then it’s easy for me to expose that fault.

Don’t.  Shut yo eyes and choose grace instead.

It’s not love.  No matter how you try to shake it.  M’kay?

My apologies if I stepped on any toes.  I pretty much broke all of mine. 

But, it changed the way I view love.  And, more importantly, it changed the way I love.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  8 Love never fails.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

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May 17, 2010 · 6:00 am

An Era Has Ended.

Actually, a near century has ended when you consider the sisterhood of Big Mama and Aunt Kate.  Aunt Kate passed away on Thursday.  The kids and I were blessed to spend time Mother’s Day weekend with her.

And, I’m beginning to think that Aunt Kate’s sassiness was inherited by my five year old.  I’m not sure, but I think had Anna been a teenager post the crash of ’29, she would have cut her hair short, smoked a cigarette, and looked down a well in the month of May in hopes of seeing her true love’s reflection.  Just like Aunt Kate did.  Hence, my great task of parenting her intentionally.

Of course, I did dip snuff with Aunt Kate when I was a young one.  Well, I’d put a tissue down my blouse like she did and she’d give me a red Dixie cup to spit in.  Okay, to spit my cocoa in.  Nonetheless, her personality was contagious enough to want to mimic.

And while I’ll miss her always telling me, “Love ya, babe,” no one will miss her like Big Mama.  Orphaned at very young ages and raised by their eldest siblings, they endured a Depression together, times of war together, good times, and trying times.  Big Mama married one Edward Goss.  Aunt Kate married his brother, Van.  They never closed their eyes to sleep without one calling the other to say, “Goodnight, sweet dreams, I love you.”  Ever.

On the day Aunt Kate died, she called, “Callie Mae!”  Big Mama made her way to her side.  Aunt Kate didn’t say a word, but Big Mama just knew what she wanted to say.

“Goodnight, sweet dreams, I love you.”

A sisterhood that lasted 91 years.  I really can’t imagine.

You’ll be missed, Aunt Kate.  I love ya, babe.

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February 18, 2010 · 6:00 am

Sometimes, I Think I’m Good At Doing God’s Job.

My friend, Robin Storch, said something that was pretty life-changing for me recently.  For real!  Life-changing!  She was sharing something God had showed her, but followed it up with, “But it’s not my job to convince him of anything.”

I know.  It sounds simple.  But, I find that whenever God shows me something about someone or something, I always feel compelled to convince the other party, usually my husband, to step forward in that direction.  After all, God told me so.  Shouldn’t he trust the voice of the Father in my life?  But, in reality, it’s not my job to convince him or anyone of what God tells me. 

Because, I’m not the Holy Spirit.  But, I do play a good one.  Okay, I don’t.  But, I like to think I do.

I can only share my heart, and leave it.  I have to trust God to show Kris or whomever this concerns when HE is ready. 

So, that is it. 

It’s not my job to convince someone else of something God shows me. 

He’s God.  I’m not.  I’ll let Him do His thing.

He’s better at it.

Do you ever try to be the Holy Spirit?

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February 16, 2010 · 6:12 am

When Nagging Doesn’t Work…And, It Never Does.

Yesterday, my good friend, Cindy Beall, posted “Shut Up And Pray” revealing the power of praying for your spouse…..versus the not so easily received nagging by your spouse.  It was good stuff.

There are times when issues need to be discussed.  And, a long time ago, I posted “Conversations That Work,” a few lessons I’ve learned in how to communicate with my spouse. 

But, not all issues really need to be confronted.  Because, sometimes, those issues are our issues….not theirs.  So, when we address “our stuff” with our spouse, it will usually come out in the form of nagging.  I don’t always zip it, lock it, and put it in my pocket like I should.  But, I really try. 

One evening, a couple of weeks ago, I was just frustrated with Kris.  (He doesn’t even know it….except, now he does, IF HE READS MY BLOG TODAY.  Not bitter.)  I made the very difficult decision of not saying a word.  I went to bed….

AND, I PRAYED FOR HIM.

I didn’t even pray, “Lord, show him he needs to do this or that.”  Instead, I prayed blessings over his life.  I prayed that God would bless him in everything he does and touches.  That He would give him peace wherever there is no peace.  That any stress in his life that wasn’t from God, He would gently remove from his life.

Blessings.  That’s what I prayed.

The next morning, I woke up to a different man.  Or, perhaps, I woke up to a different me?  I had a brand new perspective and an even greater love for Kris. 

Our words are powerful.  Our prayers make a difference in BOTH of our lives. 

Bless your husband by praying for him.  It works much better than nagging.  I promise.

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.  Proverbs 31:12

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February 1, 2010 · 6:00 am

Ice Storm Turns Snow Storm Turns I’m Not Sure What.

Well, it’s not like we weren’t warned or anything.  The great Oklahoma weather people told us an ice storm was a comin’ followed by a whole bunch of snow.  Kris headed out early Thursday morning to buy a generator.  It went unneeded.   But, we were ready.  Yes. We. Were.

See?  We had all of the Winter Storm One-Oh survival essentials.

Kids had a blast.  Of course.

Brew joined in on the fun, too. 

So did Dad.

Who built a fire.

That kept me outside an extra minute and a half.

By day three, we were getting creative with our indoor activities.

And, today?  My kitchen still looks like this.

We all really enjoyed being snowed in.  However, I’ve determined three days are plenty.  Four begins to push the limits.  Or, perhaps, just the limits of a girl growing a person.  But, the occasional forcing of a family to slow down is not a bad thing.

It reminds me how much I love my family.

 I love hearing my kids play together.  I love hearing Kris tell them to stop running in the house and Anna respond, “But, can we jog?”  I love hearing John Henry say something just to make me laugh and for no other reason. 

I love it that my husband buys a generator just in case.  I love it that he builds a fire anyway.  I love it that he takes such good care of us. 

And, I know that as much as my children’s earthly father takes care of them, they serve a heavenly Father who does so much more. 

Hard to imagine really.

But, I know it to be true.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:19

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December 9, 2009 · 6:00 am

They Can’t Always Get What They Want.

It’s easy to become preoccupied with what other people think about us.  It’s also the quickest way to forget what God thinks about us.  We become performance-minded.  We seek to please others.  And, in the meantime, we ignore what God is calling us to do.  We mean well.  We really do.  We don’t want to disappoint those around us.  We don’t want to let them down.

If there is one lesson we learn quickly in life, it’s that we can’t make everyone happy. 

I’ve always struggled with being a people pleaser.  I struggle saying “no.”  I become obsessed with making sure I perform and live up to others’ expectations. 

But, I’m getting better at this.

While respecting and loving other people is important, it’s more important to do what GOD wants us to do. 

I have to serve Him first.  I have to become obsessed with doing what HE wants me to do.

Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God.  If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.  Galatians 1:10

How do you fair in the people-pleaser category?

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December 4, 2009 · 6:00 am

Fathers Be Good To Your Daughters.

Anna:  “Dad, your hair is running out.”

Yet, he adores her and even serves her still.

What compares to a father’s love for his daughter?

I’m quite certain…..

 nothing.

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December 3, 2009 · 6:00 am

‘Tis the Season.

I experience different seasons of life just like you.  Some are easier than others.  Some do not end quickly enough.  Then there are seasons where I hardly stop to notice the season.  Know what I mean? 

I’m noticing this one.  But, not the things one would expect for me to notice. 

It’s not hard.  It’s not easy.  Financially?  I’ve seen more.  I’ve seen less.  I don’t notice a real difference in myself as a mother (unless I look at my protruding abdomen.)    I’m sure my children have grown a tenth of an inch this past month.  I can’t really tell until their jeans hit above their ankles.  Kris still makes me laugh out loud just like he does in every other season. 

What I am noticing this season is a greater intimacy in my relationship with my heavenly Father.  I know He’s always tender.  He’s always gentle.  But, I’m especially noticing a sweet calm – a peace – that can only come from Him.  I think about Him when I take my kids to school and on my drive back home.  I think about how good He is when I serve my husband.  I think about how a perfect son of God was born in the most humblest of circumstances. 

I think about Him.

All the time.

And, my heart overflows.

I am in love.

Totally.

And.

Completely.

With Jesus.

I love this season.

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