Tag Archives: Relationships

Breaking the Dangerous Cycle.

One of my friends and mentors, Penny Doss, is full of wisdom.  I like to draw from that wisdom as often as possible.  We recently engaged in a conversation about difficult relationships.  We can see people as either dangerous or hurting.  And, often times, we see them as dangerous, because we feel they do not respond in ways that are Christ-like.  We feel they are a danger to our self-esteem, our emotional health, or our other relationships.  And, while we know in our gut that the person is wounded, we still find it difficult to see them that way.

So, we either consciously or subconsciously, see them as dangerous.  A threat.  And, we enter a dangerous cycle.

Whenever we view that person as dangerous, we create an environment where that person will view us the exact same way:  dangerous.  And, a vicious cycle ensues.  You see them as dangerous, so they see you as dangerous.

You are key in breaking this cycle.  Sometimes, those people we view as dangerous will say things that hurt us.  We view their actions as vindictive and ugly.  And, we want to respond to them likewise.  The first thing you need to do in breaking the cycle is realize that the person isn’t telling you who you are.  But, rather, he is showing you who he is.  Only God can tell you who you are.  So, let that principle go deep into your heart.

So, now what do you do with your hurt?  Your urge to respond to them in a way that is consistent with their behavior?  Take it to God.  Tell Him every time you are struggling.  Tell Him how you want to respond likewise, and ask Him to take it from you.  Keep giving it to Him.  Then, one day, you will realize it is His for good.  And, the dangerous cycle is broken.

And, that person no longer has power over you.  You will choose to love and forgive instead.  As a matter of fact, you will see that person as hurting.  And, you will begin to see that person the way Christ does. 

You will be free.  And, full of more love and forgiveness than you thought possible.

And, your life will be abundantly blessed!

Thank you, Penny Doss, for imitating Christ for me time and time again.

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The Truth About Resentment.

Truth is.

I’ve had one million things to write about.

Truth is.

I’ve taken zero time to write anything.

It’s easy to get out of a daily routine.  A routine of exercise.  A routine of going to church on Sundays.  A routine of weekly date nights.  A routine of family devotions. 

A routine of writing.  Okay, and so a routine of exercise. 

And, I almost didn’t write this post.  I just knew I needed to.  I knew I needed to write down how I had this moment tonight where I found myself beginning to feel resentful.  Resentful for having so little time to myself.  Resentful that I am the one who picks up behind little people.  And, ahem, big people.  Resentful that my day is usually consumed with doing things for other people.

Resentful.

So, I prayed.

And, as quickly as that resentment came pulsing through my veins, it left.  Really.  It did.  I realized that usually when resentment begins creeping into my life, it is the direct result of me failing to spend time alone with my Father.  My Friend.  I can spend a large portion of my day studying scriptures and researching words like “faith.”  It’s all head knowledge.  Granted a lot of it goes directly to my heart, and that’s all good.  But it’s not relational.  Not in the way He wants and not in the way I need.  And, it’s that relational part that keeps me in check.  Well, it keeps my attitude in check.  If you don’t believe me, ask Kris Takle. 

Or not.

And, the truth is.

My life is not my own anyway. 

So, what could I possibly be resentful about?

Now, my resentment has turned into gratitude.  Gratitude for a Father who doesn’t let me stay in a crappy state of mind.  Gratitude for a Friend who will let me vent, but then speak truth into my life seconds later. 

Because, He loves me.  And, the only appropriate response is to love Him right back. 

With time spent with Him.

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Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall.

I love how the morning my article on relationships is published in The Grip and the morning after I attend a relationship class, I have a rather heated encounter with my husband.  And, I don’t mean the physical touch, love language kind of encounter.  I’m talking about the let’s find every wrong way to communicate to your spouse kind of encounter. 

It all started with this question:  “Is the bug man here?”  And, yes, by bug man I mean exterminator.  We are a sophisticated bunch in the Takle household. 

No need in spilling every pitiful detail of how I thought Kris responded to my inquiry.  Orrrr, how I received his answer.  But, it would be later in the evening before we would resolve our marital dilemma.

Joey Grubbs, our relationship guru, had shared only the night before how we need to look in the mirror when we find ourselves dealing with issues in our relationships.  I don’t think he meant for me to say, I don’t know, “Kris, Joey says you need to look in the mirror!”  I mean, I don’t think he said that.  I certainly wouldn’t have translated it that way….on a normal, non-hormonal kind of day. 

Once I invited God into my day, I finally looked in the mirror for myself.  What is it in me that made me receive Kris’ answer the way I received it?  Why was I so offended?  Later, Kris and I were able to sit down and talk about the unfortunate dialogue of that morning.  I was able to share how I knew my response just wasn’t a good one.  I was also able to share what I need from him in those situations.  And, he was able to receive it.

I’ve always been quite the self-assessor.  But, I’m learning the importance even more of looking at myself in the mirror.  And, asking simple questions like, “What is it in me that makes me feel or react a certain way?”  Actually, I need to look in the mirror for ALL of my relationships.  Once I do, I must line up those things that aren’t right with God’s Word.  Because, His Word is the best litmus test for how we are responding to and receiving from others. 

So, here’s to the confessions of a writer on relationships. 

I’m still growing.  And, from the looks of that girl staring back at me in the mirror, I have a lot more growing to do. 

Thankful for a patient husband.  And, an even more patient Father.

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Soak It Up.

I have a lot of Big Mama stories.  As a matter of fact, every time I talk to her, she says something that bears repeating.  Her unintentional lessons are to my blog posts what Anna Takle’s…well, what any of Anna’s shenanigans are to my entries. 

I called her yesterday after I posted.  I didn’t tell her my post was about her.  She will find out soon enough by one of you.  And, she will tell me, “I heard you’ve been putting me up on that computer!”  She will laugh cautiously then ask me to show the post to her.

After our phone conversation, thoughts of her raced into my mind for the rest of the day.  Even into the night as I lay in bed rereading yesterday’s blog, my thoughts were of her.  How I love being with her and talking to her.  And, how I love repeating the things she says to me. 

I’m not sure how many more years I have to enjoy this incredible lady.  So, I started pondering questions I’ve never asked her.  Stories I’ve never heard.

I want to ask them.  I want to hear it all.  I don’t want to say, “I wish I would have asked her…..”

 Of course, she did recently ask me if she could have my “great big colorful painting” should she outlive me.  She was serious.  I told her yes. 

Who do you need to spend more time with in your life?  What questions do you want to ask him or her?  What stories do you want to hear? 

Maybe it’s the person lying next to you right now.  Maybe it’s that sweet little girl down the hall from you.  The friend who lives two miles from you that you only see or talk to a few times a year. 

Maybe it’s the father who shares a very different view of life from you, so you keep your distance from him.  Or the sister you’re not close to anymore.

I don’t know.  I just know I want to soak up the moments with the people in my life more now than ever.  So, if tomorrow never comes, they know.  Thank  you, Garth Brooks.

And, thank you all for being a part of my life. 

Have a great weekend.

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Filed under Big Mama, gratitude, life, Relationships

Some Greek to Help With Peeps.

Soooo, how DO we respond to people who hurt us? 

We are patient with them.

Wha?  Patient?  What in the Sam Hill does patience have to do with it? 

Well, I’m glad you asked.  Two Greek words translate into the English word “patience.”  One is “hupomone.”  It means to “remain under.”  This is the patience we talk about when we are enduring tough circumstances.  But, circumstances are not people.  Oh, no. 

The Greek word, “makrothumia” is the sort of patience we need with people.  Bear with me.  Or, be PATIENT with me.  Ha!

Guess what drives makrothumia?  Give up?

MERCY.

Remember yesterday’s story of the king forgiving the servant’s debt?  He FORGAVE that debt.

Again, stay with me.

So, we first have to FORGIVE.

My good friend, Beth Moore, says,   “Patience is the vessel through which God pours His mercy.  Mercy is fueled by forgiveness.”

Okay, let’s just pretend Beth is my good friend. 

When we forgive, we let go free.  We let go of our power.  We cut that person loose.  They no longer owe us a thing.

Sometimes, I think that I have a right to hold this grudge or be angry….and, every right to be merciless.  But, God’s word calls us to forgive.  Who wants to carry the burden of unforgiveness?  The plus side?   When we forgive, God can be released to work the situation to our good.  And, don’t even think you can do it on your own.  You can’t.  That’s what the HS is for. 

Besides, the opposite of patience is judgment.  But, that’s another post for another day.

You see, the patience God desires for us to extend to others is the same patience that meant the salvation of our soul.

That’s all I’m sayin’. 

And, I hope I am CONSTANTLY reminded of this kind of patience….this kind of mercy….this kind of forgiveness…..

Until I love people CONSTANTLY.

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Put Yo Coat On!

I’m reading through the book of Colossians this week.  In the following passage, Paul encourages us to “clothe ourselves” in these God qualities:

 12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.  16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.  17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.  Colossians 3:12-17

If you leave your house without putting on this coat of mercy, kindness, humility, et cetera, et cetera, you leave your house naked.  (Pronounced “nekked.”) 

Since every member of my little family has appointed himself or herself “The Accountability Authority,” it is impossible to get away with taking off this coat.  So, when we behave or respond in a manner that fails to demonstrate those above God qualities, we simply tell, okay yell, “You bettah put yo coat on!” 

It usually diffuses whatever is causing the nakedness and keeps us accountable to clothe ourselves in these qualities that, let’s face it, make us better people. 

Mercy.  Kindness.  Humility.  Gentleness.  Patience.  Forgiveness.  Love.  Peace.  These really make life better and so much easier. 

So, before you go out around people today, put yo coat on!

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Sometimes, I Think I’m Good At Doing God’s Job.

My friend, Robin Storch, said something that was pretty life-changing for me recently.  For real!  Life-changing!  She was sharing something God had showed her, but followed it up with, “But it’s not my job to convince him of anything.”

I know.  It sounds simple.  But, I find that whenever God shows me something about someone or something, I always feel compelled to convince the other party, usually my husband, to step forward in that direction.  After all, God told me so.  Shouldn’t he trust the voice of the Father in my life?  But, in reality, it’s not my job to convince him or anyone of what God tells me. 

Because, I’m not the Holy Spirit.  But, I do play a good one.  Okay, I don’t.  But, I like to think I do.

I can only share my heart, and leave it.  I have to trust God to show Kris or whomever this concerns when HE is ready. 

So, that is it. 

It’s not my job to convince someone else of something God shows me. 

He’s God.  I’m not.  I’ll let Him do His thing.

He’s better at it.

Do you ever try to be the Holy Spirit?

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