March 22, 2012 · 5:00 am

The Terrific Twos.

You may call them terrible. I call them terrific. Perhaps, it’s because I now know firsthand that I will blink my eyes, and Jett Takle will be in Kindergarten. And, if you have children who have already graduated from high school, I really don’t need to hear how that day will be here for me faster than I can say, “Let’s play Candy Land.” Granted, I have days I dream of an empty nest, and Kris and I relaxing in the Caribbean somewhere. We give our grown children our mobile numbers, but we don’t tell them where we are. It’s true. I do think about it. But, most of the time, I think about how much I love these years. With its chaos and laughter and discoveries and first words and piano lessons and guitar lessons, and so many assorted cereal options in one pantry that even Jerry Seinfeld would be jealous.

I love this life.

And, I am so thankful for that day I looked at Kris and said, “You know, I think I do want one more baby.” Because, two years ago today, Jett Takle completed our family. He makes us smile bigger and more often than we ever dreamed possible.

Jett, I love the way you love eating apples. I’m so glad Mr. Jenkins at Piggly Wiggly lets you eat one from the produce section to make my grocery store trips easier. And, I’m so glad you let the cashier weigh your half-eaten apple with the others so, we can pay for it.

I love the way you love “driving” the truck on the farm with your daddy.

Your big brother and sister don’t even ask to drive any more. Probably, because they know you will beat them to it.

I love the way you love learning new things. Like fishing. And, I love how you look to your daddy so many times for his approval on doing it right.

There is no doubt. You get your immense passion for farm life from your father. I love the way you start “mooing” as soon as we drive up to the farm. You make your daddy follow those cows all over. And, you are certain to cry when we leave them.

And, it’s really no surprise one of your first words was “airplane.”

You are fascinated with them.

I have a feeling that once you figure out your daddy flies them, he will be an even greater rock star in your eyes. If that is even possible.

I love how you take your big brother’s hand. I love how he lets you take him anywhere you want to go. I especially love how you call him “Bubba”, and he calls you “Bubba” right back. Melt. My. Heart.

I love how you love crawling up into your Sissy’s bed to watch her draw.

Just a word of advice: Try not to touch all of her stuff in her room. It’ll save us both a lot of heartache.

You make our lives so much richer. You make us so much more aware of all of the good stuff around us. You make us press pause and soak in the joys again of blowing dandelions. And, roaring like a lion. And, rolling in the grass. And, eating popsicles. And, cheering, “Yay!”

Happy Birthday, Jett. I pray that over this next year you begin learning about your Creator. Because, when He made you, He really made a wonderful thing.

I love you to the moon and back one million times,

Mom

;

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March 8, 2012 · 5:00 am

Ten Years.

In many ways it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long.  In so many other ways, it really does.  Ten years ago at this time, I was two months pregnant with John Henry.  And, his dad left.

I guess I never imagined I would be in that place.  I certainly never saw myself divorced.  I never thought I’d be a single mother.  It was the single most heart-breaking, devastating time in my life.  Words were said that pierced me.  Actions taken that floored me.  And, I couldn’t imagine that my life would ever be restored back to where it was.

I spent the next few months busying myself with work, getting ready for a baby, and involving myself in the community.  I traveled to Chicago to an Arts Conference hosted by Willow Creek Church.  I headed up the campaign for my uncle who was running for County Commissioner.  He won, by the way.  And, I joined with city leaders in putting together a Memorial Service for the one year anniversary of 9/11.   And, in my down time, I cried.

But, I also prayed.

I prayed scriptures over Bryan’s life every single night of my pregnancy.  I prayed blessings over him.  In the middle of my pain, I cried out to the Redeemer.  And, I released forgiveness little by little until I no longer carried any anger or resentment.

I was still heartbroken.  There were times I would feel sorry for myself.  I’d cry the ugly cry.  My countenance would be less than inviting.  I remember during one of my pity parties, my dad told me, “You never know how you’re going to feel tomorrow.”  Of course, I knew how I was going to feel.  Exactly like I was feeling at that moment.

Until one day, you wake up, and the weight of it all seems a little less.  The hurt isn’t quite as painful.  And, before you know it, you are smiling.  And, you are staring into the eyes of a little blue-eyed baby boy who has changed everything.

September 24, 2002, I held John Henry.  I looked at my parents and said, “My world is right.”  It was.  The hurt was still there.  But it became less.  A few months later, Kris Takle flew into my life.  Literally.  Six months later?  We were married.  Six months after that?  We were pregnant with Anna Takle.

And, now ten years later?  My life is full.

It is redeemed.

I never believe that divorce is God’s best for one’s life.  But, I do believe He is a God of redemption and will make good out of messes.  I will never write about the nit and the grit of the words said or the actions during it all.  I really see no need, honestly.  It’s not where I live.  I don’t ever want it printed and posted to hurt John Henry or Bryan.

As for Bryan, he has allowed God to work in his life.  He is a great father to John Henry.  He is a great friend to Kris.  And, Kris is a great friend to him.  We celebrate holidays together.  We have vacationed together.  We aren’t “normal.”  We really didn’t think “normal” was working.  So, we just do things differently.

I would defend Bryan’s name until my last breath on earth.  Because, he is a good man.  And, I am forever grateful to him for John Henry Landreth.  I have learned more about compassion and forgiveness because of that little boy than I ever imagined possible.

John Henry is a constant reminder to me of how GOOD God is.

Anna and Jett are constant reminders of His redemption.

And, Kris Takle.  Well, you know what he is.

The one who made my heart beat fast again.

It’s been a good ten years.

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February 29, 2012 · 5:00 am

Taking More In.

It’s been seven days since I put down social networking.  It was an awkward first two days.  You know, I wasn’t shaking or anything.  I jest.   I do.  No, really.  One of my colleagues asked me yesterday morning what I hoped God was going to work in me through this.  I didn’t really have a definitive answer of what I hoped He would do.  I told her I felt that by giving it up, I would inevitably be replacing it with other things.  Things that would invoke me to be more personal with my children.  With my husband.  With my friends.  And, I am doing just that.

Through becoming more aware of the people in my life, I find myself becoming more aware of God.   After all, doesn’t God live in each one of us?  So, by being totally present with people, we become more present with Him.  It’s really a pretty awesome phenomenon, I tell ya.

A couple of nights ago, Anna climbed into bed with me with her book, The Lorax.  She wanted to read it aloud to me.  She would pause throughout the book, and we would talk about it.  If you’re unfamiliar with The Lorax, it’s a wonderful story to encourage readers to take care of the earth.  I listened as Anna talked about her desire to be nicer to the planet.  Through conversation with my seven year old, I began to see God in His creation.  Again.  I acknowledged His handiwork in shaping every part of it.  It made me want to be a better steward with this undeniably amazing planet.  So simple.

I’m loving the simple.  Breathing in the simple.  It’s wonderful.  It’s life-giving.

Here are a few of my favorite things I’m taking in:

I’m pretty sure that this is the “full” John was writing about.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10

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February 24, 2012 · 5:00 am

Playing the God Card.

It’s no longer easy clothes shopping with Anna Takle.   Not that it ever has been.  But, friends, it’s harder.  Much, much harder.  I had to try to resuscitate Kris after Anna asked for a bra.  In every store, little bras hung, and Anna clung to them like that little undergarment would make her world complete.

Then, she insisted on trying on a pair of shorts her father and I were not going to pay for.  They were just too short for our taste.  We let her try them on.  And, subsequently, we still told her no.  The bewildered look on her face to our opposition to the shorts let us know she thought we were being a little over the top.  She looked at me and said, “You just don’t get my style.”

I realize her intent with the short shorts is probably not to be a sexy little seven-year old.  So, what’s the big deal?  It’s probably not.  Not today.  But, it will be one day when her young innocence becomes a little more infiltrated with what society deems as beautiful for girls.  And, I’d just rather loosen the reigns later than have to tighten them.  So, I remain a stick in the mud kind of mom, I suppose.  Who doesn’t get her style.

I didn’t go into the conversation of “Anna, you are not the sum of your parts,” speech.  I just didn’t think it timely for her age.  But, I also didn’t tell her “Those shorts aren’t Godly.”  Because, that would’ve been a legalistic explanation, I’m sure.  I just told her that we didn’t think those shorts were the right choice for her today.

I think too often we play the “God card” with our kids.  It’s something I have recognized in my own parenting.

“How do you think it makes God feel when you are being ugly to your sister?”

“How would Jesus had handled this situation?”

“Do you think it makes God happy when you deceive us?”

The list could go on.

I serve a God who loves me no matter what.  Whose blood covers a multitude of my stupid mess-ups.  Who has an endless supply of grace that He lavishes on me.  So, who was this God I was teaching?  Not the One I cry out to.  Not the One who shows grace to me when I screw up as a parent.

I haven’t played the God card in every parenting situation.  There have been plenty of moments where pure discipleship abounded.  But, those times I’ve played the God card didn’t even rest well in my own spirit.  It just seemed convenient.  And, a quick fix.

So, instead of asking “How would Jesus had handled this situation?”  I might ask, “Why do YOU think it’s better to forgive?”  “How does it make YOU feel when you forgive?”

Because, friends….

Teaching our children to do right for the sake of doing right isn’t going to cut it by itself.   Through every life lesson, we need to do our best to tell them WHY His way is better.  WHY forgiveness is just as much for us as it is for the one who hurt us.

And, I have a life full of examples of why choosing to do things God’s way has made all of the difference in my own life.

So, share your own life examples with your children.  Tell them why it has worked for you.  Don’t make your children live in fear of not only disappointing you, but disappointing their Creator.  Instead, portray their King in such a way….live for Him in such a way….that they will TRUST that His ways really are better.

And, when they mess up, show them the same grace He shows you.  Discipline when needed.  But, let grace be the covering of it all.

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February 21, 2012 · 5:00 am

You’re A Hard Habit to Break.

I’m doing it.  I’m really doing it.

I’m giving up social networking for Lent.  I’m saying goodbye to the Facebook and the Twitter beginning this Ash Wednesday.  I’ll see y’all again Easter Sunday.  That’s, April 8th, friends.  That’s more than six weeks.   I’d be lying to say it’s going to be easy.  It’s not.  Truth is, I LOVE keeping up with your crazy lives and posting pics and statuses to keep you up with mine.  I mean, I love y’all.  I do.

I love the cute pics of your toddler jumping in puddles.

The pics of your husband obliging you by posing for a “Facebook shot” on your date night.

The funny thing your seven year old said on the way to school.

The awesome job your daughter did on her school project.

The pic of the fabulous meal you cooked.

I love it all.

The hardest part for me will be not being aware of your immediate prayer needs.  So, I’m asking that you email me any time I can pray for you.  Email me at durstee@aol.com.  Yes, I’m still AOL.  You might call AOL old school and lame.  I call it loyalty.  So, there.

I’ve asked Kris to hold me accountable in this.  As a matter of fact, I’m letting him change my password on both accounts and not tell me what it is until Easter Sunday.  He will only share it with my mom.  And, that lady is a dadgum vault.

That being said, I’m going to be blogging during these next six weeks.  Because, some of you read my posts and connect to them through Facebook and Twitter, Kris or my sweet momma will be posting the link to the blogs on my Facebook account.  It won’t be me.  So, I won’t see your comments, wall posts, messages, etc.  I will only be checking my email.  And, you’ve got that now, right?  Right.

So, why give up social networking?  Why not sugar?  Or television?  Or exercise?  (I only jest on that last one.  Ahem.)  Well, if I’m honest.  My Junior Mint consumption takes up a whole five seconds of my day.  I can inhale them like no other.  So, really.  Where’s the sacrifice in that?

And, television?  Sure.  I’ll sacrifice The Wiggles, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Big Time Rush, and Victorious.

This is truly a sacrifice for me.  And, I plan to spend the time away by giving it to the people I come into contact with each day.  I plan to spend it with my husband and children.  I plan to spend it seeking His face.  And, while I have a little anxiety in giving it up, I have greater excitement as to what He will open my eyes to.  And, what He will do in and through me.  That’s why I want to continue blogging.  I want to be able journal what I see, feel, and do as I become more sensitive to the Spirit during this time.

If you have decided to fast for Lent, what are you giving up?

Lent is a time when Christians prepare for Easter by observing a period of fasting and spiritual discipline.  Disclaimer:  God won’t love you any less if you don’t fast.  That’s just not His style.  It’s a personal choice. So, don’t judge anyone who doesn’t fast, m’kay?

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February 15, 2012 · 9:52 pm

Next Year, I Might Say, “Be Mine.”

Can I just be honest and say that Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday of the year?  I don’t mean to be a love humbug.  I mean, I love love and all.  I just don’t like using it to celebrate Kris.  And, he is not allowed to buy me a Valentine’s Day gift.  I know this makes me odd.  And, I’m okay with that.  I’m sure Kris is, too.  Not to worry about my littles.  We certainly lavish on them on this day of “Be My Valentine.”

So, instead of making the day about recognizing how much I love Kris, I pick a person really needing to feel some love to bless.  I started this tradition two years ago.  It’s kind of given me a reason to look forward to the holiday.

However, yesterday ended up being one of my favorite days of the year.  No expensive gifts.  No over-priced roses.  But, a string of texts, notes, and unexpected surprises made me so thankful for the relationships in my life.  Several members of Eagles Way Church surprised the staff with the most heartfelt, delicious lunch at the office.  Kris surprised me….and I do mean surprised me, by cleaning the house before he took off into the wild blue yonder.  An unexpected text from a friend simply expressing her appreciation broke me.  And, then?  A surprise knock at my door with none other than my father bringing me my favorite hummus and pita bread.

I spent the rest of the evening playing Pictionary on the Xbox with my big kids and laughing at this littlest kid while he saw himself being videoed.

Why do videos start and stop on the most awkward of facial expressions?  Have. Mercy.

Anyway, my heart swelled with an immense gratitude for the people in my life.  A gratitude that I get to wake up every morning to the most incredible beings in my home.  A gratitude that I get to be Kris Takle’s wife.  A gratitude that I get to be a mother.  A gratitude that I get to work at the greatest church on the planet.  A gratitude that I get to be a pastor.

I am so rich.  So rich in relationships.  Rich in love.  Rich in contentment.

So, perhaps, after days like yesterday, I just might become a fan of Cupid.  After all, I am definitely a fan of lunch.  And, a clean house.  And, sweet messages.  And, hummus.  And Eagles Way Church.

And, Kris Takle.

And, these little love bugs.

 

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February 6, 2012 · 2:03 pm

Ordination Sunday.

It happened.  I became a girl Reverend.  My oldest awakened from his slumber yesterday morning and the first words out of his mouth were, “Congratulations, Mom.”  Be still my beating heart.  Anna just seemed to think that the fact her mom is now considered a “Pastor” is cool.  She tried to confiscate the red stole my dad placed around me during my ordination.  I explained to her that we couldn’t exactly keep it.  It’s like the Master’s green jacket.  You gotta give it back.  Okay.  It’s not like the Master’s green jacket.  But, sort of.  Maybe.

It was an overwhelming day.  It was humbling.  Scary.  Exciting.  Sobering.  The day delivered a new responsibility and accountability to be a deliverer of the Good News.  It also delivered severe cotton mouth.  Especially when my father put me on the spot after my ordination by having me officiate over the communion service.

I mean…I know how to do this.  Certainly, I’ve participated in enough communions in my 37 years to remember the bread is the body and juice is the blood, yes?  And, nothing like good friends keeping it real for you with a whisper from afar, “Don’t mess this up.”  Thank you, Adam Thurston.

The cotton-mouth became a definite issue when I noticed my inability to swallow the bread….better known as the Styrofoam wafer.  I chewed.  I chewed.  And, I chewed.  Until, I decided to leave it there stuck and move on to step two.  The blood of Christ was waiting, and so were a lot of hungry parishioners ready to hit Pizza Hut and such for some after-church grub.

Needless to say, communion was a bit scary.  But, comfortable.  And, scary.  It’s kind of a big deal.  Like a major sacrament of the church big deal.  All the more reason to be a nervous amateur pastor.

I am still soaking in the words spoken.  The scriptures read.  And, the words of my father as he handed me my Bible:  “This is no longer your Bible.  This is your life.”  Those words fell on me hard.  And, today, they continue to resonate loudly inside of me.

Thank you for traveling from near and from afar to support me.  You lavished me with a love that I do not deserve.  I am forever thankful for you.

And, I am forever thankful that He called me to be a servant in His Kingdom.

I love you all so very much.

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January 27, 2012 · 5:00 am

Becoming Aware of Him.

I love Him.  Not just the Hands that provide for me.  Not just the Voice that guides me.  Not just the Arms that calm me.  I love HIM.

His character.  WHO He is. 

Because, He is holy, I want to be holy.  Because, He is love, I want to be love.  Because, He is light, I want to be light.

I want more of Him.

I don’t want more of the same.  The same never moves you forward.

And, I’m learning that the more aware I become of Him moment by moment, the more my life changes.  I think differently.  I respond differently.  I see people differently.

Because, as you become more aware of Him, the more you will look at people on the heart.  You will see past their messiness.  You will see past their emotional baggage.  And, you will see the root of their pain.  And, compassion will flow.

And, then, God just might use you to be the vessel from which He pours out His healing.

You don’t have to emotionally invest into all of the people around you.  But, you sure better see every person as valuable.  We are not FROM God.

We are OF God. 

Read that again.

We are OF God. 

To not see another’s worth is to not see the worth of our Creator.

And, how awesome that God pinched off a piece of Himself and placed it in each of us?  How awesome that the more we get to know His character, the more we emanate that character?

And, yes, I realize how broken my thoughts seem on this post.  This is one reason I have found it so difficult to write lately.  He is breaking me, growing me, expanding me, and stretching me in ways that are shaking up my world. And, I don’t know how to communicate it well.

Not yet.

But, I will.

I know I will.

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January 6, 2012 · 8:59 am

Breaking the Dangerous Cycle.

One of my friends and mentors, Penny Doss, is full of wisdom.  I like to draw from that wisdom as often as possible.  We recently engaged in a conversation about difficult relationships.  We can see people as either dangerous or hurting.  And, often times, we see them as dangerous, because we feel they do not respond in ways that are Christ-like.  We feel they are a danger to our self-esteem, our emotional health, or our other relationships.  And, while we know in our gut that the person is wounded, we still find it difficult to see them that way.

So, we either consciously or subconsciously, see them as dangerous.  A threat.  And, we enter a dangerous cycle.

Whenever we view that person as dangerous, we create an environment where that person will view us the exact same way:  dangerous.  And, a vicious cycle ensues.  You see them as dangerous, so they see you as dangerous.

You are key in breaking this cycle.  Sometimes, those people we view as dangerous will say things that hurt us.  We view their actions as vindictive and ugly.  And, we want to respond to them likewise.  The first thing you need to do in breaking the cycle is realize that the person isn’t telling you who you are.  But, rather, he is showing you who he is.  Only God can tell you who you are.  So, let that principle go deep into your heart.

So, now what do you do with your hurt?  Your urge to respond to them in a way that is consistent with their behavior?  Take it to God.  Tell Him every time you are struggling.  Tell Him how you want to respond likewise, and ask Him to take it from you.  Keep giving it to Him.  Then, one day, you will realize it is His for good.  And, the dangerous cycle is broken.

And, that person no longer has power over you.  You will choose to love and forgive instead.  As a matter of fact, you will see that person as hurting.  And, you will begin to see that person the way Christ does. 

You will be free.  And, full of more love and forgiveness than you thought possible.

And, your life will be abundantly blessed!

Thank you, Penny Doss, for imitating Christ for me time and time again.

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January 3, 2012 · 5:00 am

Girl Interrupted.

Kris is watching Discovery Channel’s Moonshiners right beside me.  What is this guy in the hat and overalls saying?  Anna-pedia walks in to let us know that the Whale Shark is the largest species in the ocean and has 3000 teeth and wants to know when she can go swim with a few of them.  John Henry enters behind Anna with a few questions of his own.  The littlest Takle is behaving nicely in his bed.  All the while, I am trying to write this post.

Interruptions.

Life is full of them.  We can resent them.  Try to avoid them.  Become irritated by them.  Whatever our response, they are going to happen.  So, we may as well embrace them.

Because, by embracing them, we allow ourselves to become fully present in that moment.  It’s like that moment when you run into an old friend in grocery store.  You’d really prefer to skip the interruption and move right along with your cart full of sundries.  Wouldn’t you?  But, usually you can’t.  You stop.  You half-way listen to what your friend is telling you, because you can’t stop thinking how hurried you are.  You aren’t fully present.  And, you miss an opportunity to really be with that someone.  To connect with them and embrace them.  To embrace that interruption.

I’m not arguing that every life interruption is a beneficial one.  Certainly, there are interruptions that can actually divert us from something God has called us to do.  But, many are beneficial.  And, often times, God will use them to our advantage.

During His ministry on earth, Jesus was interrupted ALL THE TIME.  And, many people were healed during His interruptions.

We will never know how many times God is using people and circumstances to interrupt our lives.  He loves you.  He wants your attention.  And, He wants us to attend to the people He places in our lives.  This year, I want to embrace those interruptions without my internal (and sometimes external) sigh of annoyance.  Because, by embracing them, I am embracing that friend who may have something life-giving to impart to me.  I am embracing a moment to look up the history of moonshining and learn something new.  I am embracing the courage of a little girl who wants to swim with the largest animal of the sea.

I am embracing LIFE.

Most of the good stuff in life happens in between our scheduled plans.  They are called interruptions.  And, I am choosing to be present in them.

I don’t want to miss the good stuff.  Because, it is most certainly the God stuff.

How do you respond to life’s interruptions?

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