Tag Archives: parenting

July 24, 2009 · 6:00 am

That’s Not Fair!

There is no book or instruction manual that tells you how to handle every parenting quandary.  My lack of wisdom in dealing with various situations became even more evident last night.  I allowed John Henry and Anna to pick ONE movie to watch in their room together.  Of course, they picked two different movies.  And, of course, I thought out loud, “Hmmm. How can we handle this?”  John Henry suggested they pick a number between one and ten. 

Perfect.

They did.  He won.  She wailed.

It wasn’t very fair for Anna even if she would get her pick next time.  I could have told her the first shall be last, and the last shall be first, but I felt certain that wouldn’t have sped her recovery.  It was a hard lesson in life for a four year old.  A lesson we all learn if we live long enough.

Life is not fair.

It’s not fair that I’m only 5’3”.  It’s not fair that I have a digestive disease. 

It’s not fair that my very good friend, Josh, died at 27.  It’s not fair that there are children in India begging for food.  It’s not fair that a five year old little girl has a brain tumor. 

So many things in life aren’t fair.

But, if God was fair, we would all die and pay a price for our sins.  One of my favorite Cindy Beall lines on “God isn’t fair” is: “I’m glad He’s not.  I need His mercy.”  The promise of eternal life isn’t about God being fair.  It’s about His incomprehensible love and mercy.

Life may seem unfair sometimes.  But, God is full of mercy.  He IS mercy.  He IS just.  And, He is faithful to make all things work together for the good.

This, I know well.

As for Anna….well, her tender, sweet big brother parted her tears, and said, “Anna, we can watch your movie.”

Was that fair for John Henry?  Well, maybe he does have a grasp on the first shall be last truth.  Or, just maybe, he was being merciful to his little sister. 

Either way, I am so humbled to be that young man’s mother.

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July 9, 2009 · 6:00 am

Thankyousokindly, John Henry.

JH - self photog

Photograph taken by.  Yep.  John Henry.

I don’t allow my children to say “Shut up.”  Naturally.  However, I say “Shut up” when I’m surprised.  You know, like when someone says, “I just won a $10 million lottery,” and I respond “Shut. Up!”  Yeah, that “Shut up.” 

So, John Henry overheard a conversation much like the one above a couple of days ago….except, no one won a lottery else he would have chartered a jet plane to Bahamas and taken me.  I’m sure of it. 

The conversation concluded:

Me:  “Shut. Up!”

John Henry:  “Mom, careful with your words.”

Ouch.

A reminder that:

1) I need to model for my children what I’m trying to teach them.

And.

2) I need to always be careful with my words.

Always.

Our words shape our world.

Truly.

They really do.

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May 19, 2009 · 6:00 am

Where The Streets Have A Name.

When I spoke at Eagles Way Church on Mother’s Day, I boasted explained how Anna doesn’t put her fingers in her ears when we pray for her any more.  You see, I recognized this as a huge step forward in her walk with Christ. 

Well, she fell off the prayer wagon the other night when she did it again.  I do understand that this is somewhat of a bedtime stall tactic, so I have to explain the importance of prayer to her once again. 

However.  It could very well be the result of her new look. 

And attitude.

Anna - bandana trio wp

Another good reason why I better parent intentionally. 

A completely random sidebar:  Do not call Bigmama during Dancing With the Stars.  She will NOT talk to you.

Okay.  That’s all.

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May 18, 2009 · 6:00 am

Legacy.

Well, Bigmama’s 90th birthday did not go unnoticed.  I was sad to miss all the hoopla, although I did talk to Aunt Kate, Bigmama’s 94 year old sister, on the phone for the better part of my Friday evening. 

She enjoys talking on the phone.

Aunt Kate, who spent Friday evening at my parents’ house celebrating Bigmama , always makes me laugh.  And, she never fails to tell me or anyone else exactly what’s on her mind.

“Your daddy is drivin’ me crazy.  I understand now why you live so far way,” she told me.  If you’ll recall, Aunt Kate is the rebel of the family, and she’ll gladly give you a Dixie cup for your snuff.  Heck, she’ll even share her snuff. 

Here are the two sisters here. 

Bigmama - Kate wp

And, here they are laughing.  Really hard.  {Notice the Dixie cup.}

Bigmama - Kate 2 wp

I’m blessed to have the Godly heritage that I have.  I’m blessed that I can call Bigmama any time of day, and if I ask her, she’ll pray the most powerful prayer FULL of faith over my life.  My own heritage has me thinking about the legacy I will leave my children’s children.  This means I have to parent intentionally.  I think I’ll share a few of those thoughts over the next couple of days. 

Or, I might share on my new love for yard sales.  Or, how I spend the extra money for the real maple syrup, because it’s healthier, but also buy Pringles potato chips.  Or, how Anna likes to sleep in her swimsuit underneath her gown these days.  I could be wrong, but I think she’s ready for summer.

Happy Monday, Y’all.

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April 14, 2009 · 6:00 am

Becoming A Little More Intentional.


As a Christ-follower and mother, my children are my most important mission field.  I do my darndest to disciple them in the day to day life stuff.  However, God is showing me to become more intentional with how I pray and disciple them.

Right now, I am intentionally praying for John Henry to grow in confidence in who He is in Christ and who Christ is in Him.  I am praying that his security will be wrapped up in Him.  I realize that this will enable John Henry to be leader.

Right now, I am intentionally praying for Anna to be a pursuer of Christ and have a heart to always want to worship Him.  I realize that this will enable Anna to always make God a priority.

I’m trying to be more attuned to what area each needs to grow.  And, I’m intentionally discipling and praying for them accordingly.  Sight words and the ability to count money are surely imperative lessons that will make their lives easier.  But, learning who Christ is in them will make their lives full.

What are you intentionally praying over your children?

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February 25, 2009 · 6:00 am

The Negotiator

anna-negotiator-wp

Living with us is one little girl with some mad negotiating skills.  We have to stand our ground – all tough-like.  Anna, ahem, Angel can explain her way out of and into a lot. 

But, we’re onto her.

And her subtly cunning nature.

Take last night for example.  She futility attempted to talk her dad into letting her watch a movie while she “falls asleep.”  Yeah.  Whatev’. 

Enters Mom.  Before I begin her bedtime prayers, she says to Kris, “Dad, could you step into the hall, please?”  In other words, can you get out so I can usurp your authority by asking mom what you just said no to?  Or something like that.

Do you have a negotiator or sly one?  {Or not so sly in this case.}
How do you handle their attempts at negotiation?

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February 9, 2009 · 6:00 am

He sent frequent text messages.

My boy donned a tuxedo.

 

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And, Anna….well…..

Let’s just say Kris didn’t win the fashion wars.  I was sure of it when I returned home to see her wearing this.

shaw-wedding-anna-wp

A lovely tank top in the heart of winter. 

I sure did miss that girl.  Kris decided to document their chain of events by sending me regular text messages.  Here was the first incoming message:

“I am about to fall over with laughter listening to Anna talk her shew-wee out.”

Um, how do you spell “shew-wee” anyway?

He took her to Redrock Canyon Grill for their first date night, a local favorite for watching sunset while you dine.  Kris messaged, “She has quite the appetite….and the cow bell just went off for sunset, and she wants to go ring it now.”   He continued, “I think I have {the cow bell ringing} under control now.”

When he sent this one:

“I miss you guys, but we are having a blast.  This is precious for Anna and me.” 

I knew sweet memories were being made.

In the meantime, John Henry and I had our own fun celebrating the wedding of a very close family friend – my God sister, Sandyn who married Captain Elic Colwell who is the brother of Lindsey Takle who is the wife of Dr. Leiv Takle, Jr. who is the brother of Kris Takle who is the husband of me.  Yes, six degrees….

And some pics just for funsies.

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(An itty bitty part of the wedding party, and John Henry doing his best imitation of my dad.)

shaw-wedding-cousins-wp

(John Henry with his cousins, Bella and Macie.)

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(My dad and son.  Two of my favorite men.)

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The groom, Elic, the bride, Sandyn…her sister, Brittany, Andy & Carson Thoms)

shaw-wedding-carson-wp

I could’ve taken that little guy home with me.  For real.

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Oh, and me with my completely beautiful mama. 

That’s it.  We’re all tired.  And I’m happy to be back with my husband and fashion trailblazer.

How was your weekend?

 

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February 6, 2009 · 6:00 am

I have two daddies.


*Originally posted April 15, 2008

Once upon a time at a wedding of my dear friend, Brittany, my son served as a ring bearer.  Dressed to perfection, another overheard him say, “I have two daddies.”  Brittany’s friend who heard this rather common phenomenon asked another, “Are his daddies gay?”  I still laugh about this even today.  As for Kris and Bryan (the daddies), well, they find it less comical. 

John Henry has a daddy.  And, before he turned one year, he was blessed with another daddy.  We make it work.  We really do.  You see, we had this novel idea:  John Henry comes first.  We have dinners together, and we have even vacationed together.  I realize how strange my life may seem to some, but for us, it is our “normal”.  Of course, a situation like ours would never work without Kris.  He has never been “territorial”, nor has he ever felt threatened.  He loves John Henry.  Period.  And, because of John Henry, he loves Bryan. 

Here are his two daddies.  (Left: Bryan, Right: Kris, Center: A blessed boy) They are patient and kind.  They are not jealous.  They endure through every circumstance.

jh-bryan-kris

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

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January 30, 2009 · 6:00 am

What am I modeling for my children?


I FINALLY started reading Nancy Beach’s book, Gifted to Lead.  This should make Judy really happy who bought me this book a few months back.  The gurl even signed it!  No.  Not Nancy.  Judy.

There aren’t a ton of revelations that scream at me in the book.  It is still a wonderful read for women called to lead.  But, one thing – one voice – has been gently whispering in my ear while I’ve been reading Nancy’s words. 

“That’s you.  Go lead.”

Over the past several months, I’ve been as careful as I know how to be in listening to those whispers.  Now, the only way I know to answer is to ask Him, “What do You want me to do?”  “Where do You want me to go?”

For a long time, I’ve considered my role as a mother my primary ministry.  And, it is.  But, that is not my “fundamental identity.”  Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend write in their book, Boundaries with Kids, “Parents who do not have a life apart from their kids teach the kids that the universe revolves around them.”  They continue saying, “Meet the child’s needs, then require him to meet his own while you meet yours.”

Throughout my childhood, my parents modeled this same theory.  They nurtured me.  But, they also gave of themselves to so many.  Granted, they were in ministry.  However, seeing them minister in our home, seeing them minister beyond the home – in the church, amongst the broken-hearted, in third world countries – those are things that stay with me.  Those are things that clued me into the fact that the world does not revolve around me.  What a gift my parents gave me. 

This doesn’t mean that a parent must work outside the home to model these things.  Nancy writes, “I believe when a child recognizes that Mom or Dad is crazy about them, but also has some other interests passions, and responsibilities, that child is well served….Rather than assuming Mom and Dad will always be there exclusively for them, kids understand that other people and their needs matter as well.”

Dang.  That’s good stuff.  And, what’s even greater is when our children begin serving along side of us.  Giving WITH us.  For me, I’m going to start by choosing an activity – a service – that my children can do with me.  I hope that in doing so, I will give to them the gift my parents gave to me.  For realz.

Are you asking God what HE wants you to do?

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January 27, 2009 · 6:00 am

One of the many reasons I love being Anna’s Mommy.


Me:  “Anna, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Anna:  “Lots of good stuff.”

She just makes me smile.

Again.

And, again.

If I play my cards right….well, if I do what scripture tells me to do as her mommy, she just might grow up to be and do lots of good stuff.

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.  Proverbs 22:6

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